Confound
by Desenchanter
Summary: She was sold to a brothel by her dirt poor dad when she was young. Somehow, she found a way to accept it. That was before him. Until he came along & took a liking to her, until he stole the only thing left that was hers-her heart. AU.
1. Methodical

**A/N**: The other day I started to look over this and noticed too many grammar/spelling mistakes. So as of 5-3-2010 I have fixed them. No plot changes have been made. I hope you enjoy.

_**Note: Story alters between third person and first person (always Kagome's) POV.**_

**| { Confound: Chapter 1 } |**

**||.Methodical.||**

That's how it always was; she had long ago learned how to retract her soul from her body as she worked. She knew right when she was meant to squeal, to moan, and how to move her hips in perfect rhythm with whatever the other decided to do. How to make them think they were the only man in the entire world that could make a girl fluster like she did. It was why she was good at her job, why her Madame adored her so, why she was so favored by so many men.

It didn't matter, though. It was just a way of life that she hadn't chosen but had been casted into. She was no longer ashamed but that didn't mean she had to enjoy it, either. Never did she yearn for the action that she was so often bought to perform. Most importantly, she knew the golden rule just like the rest of them. The one they all failed at, but not her.

She hadn't.

She'd never loved any of them. Liked, maybe, some were easier to talk with, to pretend like she was thrilled with each touch but never _ever_ had she been foolish enough to fall in love. Her heart was all she had that she could say without a doubt was hers, the one thing she'd never sell.

_The_ one thing she'd keep for herself.

Until he waltzed into the downstairs of the establishment she worked within. The entertaining floor meant for the gentlemen to be able to gander at the girls until the locked onto whichever they wanted to pay for. Some men just came to flirt with them, to touch them slightly, to drink the alcohol, to gamble, to watch the girls—it was the greatest haven of vices in all of Kyoto.

She didn't know it when she first saw the tall, silver haired, golden gazed man that he'd forever change her. She didn't even give him a second glance, not like she did his raven haired, violent eyed friend but she was too busy with an elder man that had 'bought' her a drink so she could sit in his lap and be his 'good luck' charm for the game he was enthralled in.

"Kaoru-chan," the name she falsely went by like all the other girls, the one she knew to reply to always with a smile, "I'm done with the game."

"Because you lost, you old geezer!" His companion chuckled drunkenly before he groped one of her closest friend's bums, there was really no other action that could irk Sango more but she had learned long ago to bite her tongue but rarely could she smile at it. She hadn't been beckoned by that man so she moved on with only a glance to 'Kaoru'.

"Oh?" She whispered as she wrapped her arms around his neck, somehow still finding a way to do such an act in the most innocent of ways, "what do you wish to do now?"

"Let me talk to the Madame," he greedily groped her before he lowered her off his lap to go find the one that he had to pay before he could bed with her.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

It was the first time in a long while that I wished my Madame wasn't in sight, that along the way the old man found a pretty girl—because there were more enticing ones about, I wasn't the fairest in the room by far. So, I did the only thing I could really do and wandered off from the spot he left me. Perhaps I'd be lucky; perhaps the drunken man would forget my alias by the time he found my Madame.

It was simply for show that I walked over to the bar were a group of younger gentlemen had gathered. I held some hope that one of them would find me interesting enough to right away buy me and beat the old man to my Madame. A subtle, sheepish smile rose upon my pinkish lips when a few of the men looked over to me but before any could drink up the courage to come speak with me—they were first timers, I could tell from the nervous sweat that broke their brows—a hand caught my thigh to turn me around.

"Hello," his voice didn't truly stand out to me at the time, but later I'd learn to adore it—the soft, steady, yet stern tone that it was.

My hazels locked with his golden gaze for a moment before I retorted sweetly like I always did, "how may I help you?"

"I'm not sure yet," he replied as his gaze made its way across my body but not in the lustful, gluttonous way almost every man I had ever encountered did—it was more like he was evaluating me, checking to see if the product was fitting for his intentions. I could tell from one glance at his clothes that he was from a very well off family, a true nobleman. All that entered the brothel I had been working for, for almost five years now—lived at for almost ten—had to have money, it cosy just to walk through those highly protected doors and charged even more to take a girl up to their room.

"Well," I dragged out until his gaze returned to my hazels, "if you think of something, my name is Kaoru."

"Kaoru…" he murmured, "that doesn't seem fitting."

I didn't get that often, I was usually told it was a pretty name; it was one I had picked—like all the other girls got to. But I ignored it either way since my eyes caught sight of the fuzzy ears upon his head—half dog demon, that made him all the more interesting. The most well-to-do families had demon blood, it wasn't a rarity, though, to have a demon or a half or a third or anything like that enter those spacious doors was.

It was just that I loved dogs so much, you see, so that's why I could not help myself. I had a little white fluff ball when I was a child… I had adopted him off the street, the poor thing. It was like stabbing myself in my heart each time I thought of him, how I adored that puppy, that's the reasoning behind what I did... Why I reached my hand up to stroke his ear—completely unintentionally, of course.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o **x **o** x | }

Tension struck through his body right as she did that so she just as quickly retracted her hand and apologized before a smelly man grabbed her and pulled her to him. The old geezer…

"I've paid for her tonight," he snickered to the golden eyed man, "maybe next time. Now where's your room?"

The four dreaded words always made her wince on the inside before she put on her proper façade, her flawless fake smile, and led him to the stairs. She had to glance back as she walked up them with the old geezer chuckling giddily behind her, trying already to get her kimono off, it took some effort for her to pinpoint the dog ears and…

She was shocked to see his golden stare so intently locked on her before she disappeared out of sight completely.

It wouldn't be until later that she wished that their first encounter had been more romantic, more memorable. It wouldn't be until then that she'd discover why his eyes were so sternly locked on her—oh, how she wished she never learned the reason why.


	2. Madame

**| { Confound: Chapter 2 } |**

**||.Madame.||**

The next day I awake around the same time I always did, before the rest generally, so I headed door stairs to the kitchen. It wasn't until I reached the bottom and took my first step off that I noticed the living room—that was what we called it by day, by night it was the entertaining room—was not empty like it usually was. With their backs to me I saw a silver haired man with doggy ears—the man from the night before? His clawed hand was interlocked with the pale perfection that was my Madame's hand; they were slightly turned to each other in their cushioned separate seats.

She was laughing lightly, I didn't see such an action from her often but it did warm my heart. I suppose even she needs love.

My Madame is such a beautiful woman, the most beautiful I've ever seen—she's the ideal that all inspired to. I didn't, I could never compare but I was fine with that, I didn't want the attention she got. She was the beauty that could never be bought for a night, even though any man would pay from the moon all the way to the stars for her, for just the right look, for a smile, for _anything _from her. None could have her, though; for she took a vow of chastity once she took over as the Madame of the Shikon no Tama brothel. I was often told we resembled each other and just as often I was mistook for a relative of hers. Sometimes men would purchase my services for the night simply because of that, they would often request to call me by her name and I would oblige.

I would rather them not see me as me, I would rather them fantasize about her; I would rather never be me when I was with a man.

What a god-awful woman. How could she? Who chooses such a profession? Who could have a soul when they sold woman to men for the night? It was simply a good that was in great need, a profitable profession, if men stopped needing us then we would not be, so don't blame my Madame. I love my Madame, she is somewhere close to ten years my senior yet you would never guess that from her appearance. But you are right, my Madame did chose her profession, in a way, but if you can blame her for her decision I wouldn't get along with you well.

You see, my Madame is a great deal like me and all the other girls that are stuck in this place I call home. She was orphaned at a young age and took on the responsibility of taking care of her younger sister who quickly fell ill with the same sickness that took her mother from her. They were poor, more so than my family, and she adored her sister dearly so she did the only thing she could. She sold herself to the former Madame and with that money she was able to send her younger sister to the doctor and pay for her schooling, I believe her sister's a medical profession of some sort now, thanks to her actions, mind you.

The former Madame took in children, I was only nine when I was sold to this place but she did not allow men to touch us. She just taught us to become the proper product, it was fine, it was better than the home I left, and Kikyou—my Madame—took me and most of the other children under her wing. All the older girls doted over us, loved us like we were family, Kikyou-sama is like an older sister to almost all of us. She was able to transform from a worker to the owner of the brothel, and we are all thankful for that.

The rules are far stricter than those of the former Madame's but we are safer, no man may ever harm us while we are under my Madame's care. If a man wishes to act out a violent fantasy he must go down the street to Tsubaki-sama's brothel, anything goes there but the girls are of a lower quality than us and thus cheaper. We are the elite of whores, if there is such a thing. That is why our brothel is the most frequented by such high class men, why ours is the most expensive but best.

"Kaoru-chan," I heard my Madame's rarely joyous voice beckon me out of my rambling thoughts, "I did not hear you come down."

"I am sorry," I replied with a bit of a bowed head, "I just woke up."

"Ah," she nodded with the same smile as her similar chocolate stare moved to the golden orbs that were now locked onto me, "Kaoru-chan, there is a pot of warm tea in the kitchen, if you would like."

"Thank you," I knew what that meant—please leave us be.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"What's her name?" Inuyasha inquired as his gaze followed Kagome's slightly swaying hips out of the room until she disappeared down a hall, it was only then that he looked back to Kikyou.

"You know I will never tell you that," she stated strictly yet sweetly. It signaled his hand to rise up to her face so he could stroke his thumb upon her cheek, her face only slightly pressed against his gesture.

"I expected that, since I don't even know your real name," he murmured before he leaned closer to her, "will you ever tell me, Kikyou?"

"No," she assured as she extracted his hand from her, "you know the rules."

"You rules are too strict," he declared with a cocky smile, "I don't see the point in most of them. What's it matter if any of us know their real names? It isn't like we can stalk them, they are but whores, they live here, and they obviously haven't any family."

"It is because of that I will never tell you," Kikyou kept up as she began to trace his hand, "if you can someday understand the importance, then perhaps someday I will tell you my true name. But," she started before he could say a word, "the men that enter here also go by alias, correct?"

"That's different, that's because we leave here and have to return to our lives and families," he captured her hands into his and raised them to his lips, "you know my real name, Kikyou."

"That's because you do not play by the rules," she reminded as she retracted her hands, "and because you live in a world far different than mine."

"It didn't have to—" she pressed her delicate, fine finger upon his lips to hush him.

"Why return after all this time, hm?"

"Why not?"

It was shortly after that that Madame Kikyou escorted him out and bid him adieu with a kiss on the cheek, he made it a point to do the same to her hand. She had to linger at the door and watch him disappear into the afternoon crowed about the streets before she took take a breath and close and lock the door before heading to the kitchen where Kagome had just finished her breakfast.

"Kagome-chan," she began as she poured herself a cup of tea—Jasmine, a western tea. She had became enchanted with the culture since she was young. Half of her girls wore western clothes, she was one of them because she preferred the beauty of their dresses over kimonos, and the other half wore kimonos, like Kagome.

"Yes, Kikyou-sama," Kagome replied as she looked up from the paper, it was something that she could do only thanks to her Madame. It was her who talk her how to write, how to read, and so much more. Kikyou had taught herself how to and she had become all the girls private teacher afterwards, it was another reason why they were consider 'high-class' whores.

"Would you mind running an errand for me today?"

"Of course," she happily replied as she set her cup down on the counter, "where do you need me to go?"

"That same as always," Kikyou assured as she began out of the kitchen, "Kagome-chan…?"

"Yes?"

Slowly she turned to look at the young girl with a wirily look upon her usually flawless features, "you saw that man I was with just now?" She waited for Kagome to give a weak nod, "please be cautious of him. I believe he will be returning tonight."

"Of course, Kikyou-sama."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

The usual errand was going to the opposite side of town and retrieving the packages that my Madame always received once a week from a beauty parlor. They were meant for all of us to use as we wished, sometimes it held exotic soap, sometimes the prettiest of perfume, sometimes new types of make-up, and sometimes the newest western trend.

"Thank you, Kagura-san," I said like I always did when I left the parlor.

"You're welcome, Kaoru-chan," Kagura replied with a wave of her hand that always held her favorite fan, "tell Kikyou-san hello for me."

"Of course," I nodded with my brightest smile before turning away to head back, today's package was heavier than usual so it would probably take me longer to return, that was, until I felt the weight freed from my arms. Right away, my gaze turned to see the man beside me who had taken it without asking.

"Such a small girl shouldn't bother with something so hefty," the silver haired man from before declared, "are you returning to the Shikon no Tama with this?"

"I am," I meekly mumbled before my gaze averted his prying one.

"I'll walk you."

"I can take it myself," I assured as my Madame's words recalled themselves to my mind.

"I insist," he stated before he started off in the right direction, I had to follow him.

"Well, I insist you don't."

"Too bad," he gave me a rather arrogant grin once I caught up to him, "tell me, what's your name?"

"Kaoru."

He nodded as his smugness evaporated, I suppose he was looking for my other name, the one that only the other girls knew but I wouldn't give him it—I'd never give a man it. None of them could comprehend what it meant to me, Ka-go-me.

I am not a silent girl, often my friend's tell me I'm too talkative but with the man that I should be cautious with by my side as we strolled through town I couldn't seem to find my voice. I let my eyes wander all about, anywhere but to him. It was a strange mixture of Eastern meets Western that had taken over, most buildings were traditional Japanese, some weren't, but most of the people wore western clothes, while some—including me—didn't. The man next to me wore the best western clothes, I noticed.

"Don't you want to know my name?" He inquired as he stopped me right outside my home, I had reached to retrieve the box from him but he refused to let it go until I looked up to his enchanting amber eyes.

"No," was all I said before I turned and walked up the few steps to the porch, with two knocks and a ring of the door bell—like we all did—the door unlocked and my friend Sango let me in.

{ |x** o **x **o** x** o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x | }

"Kaoru," a familiar stern yet soft voice whispered behind her and right away her body froze. It was fairly early in the night and only a third of their usual cliental had entered the entertaining room. It wasn't until midnight that men began to flock it—it was always then that their wives and children were asleep.

She only turned around to see the golden orbs because she had to be kind, "hello, how may I help you?"

"I can think of a few things," he smirked as his hand rose up to cup the side of her face, "the first, come with me to find Madame Kikyou."

With a great deal of reluctance she allowed her to take her petit hand and lead her around the easily moveable room until the Madame came in view, as always, she was mingling with the men from the city council, the police, and others of the same importance that were always welcome for free also long as they never caused any problems for the Shikon no Tama. Always, she had some of the prettiest girls set around the table with her, so that each man could at least have one girl hanging off of him.

Kagome made it a quick point to smile to Sango, who did the same in return.

"Madame," he spoke for them, her chocolates moved to him rather quickly before they noticed Kagome beside him and—to her credit—her priceless smile did not flinch even though Kagome knew her Madame well enough to see the look in her eye.

"Toashi-sama," she responded, "how may I help you?"

"I liked to pay for Kaoru tonight."

It was only a moment of hesitation before she got up from the seat beside the mayor and placed her flower like hand upon Inuyasha's arm, "of course, Toashi-sama, let us step aside for a moment. Kaoru-chan, please keep the mayor and the fine chief of police entertained until I return."

"Yes, Madame," I bowed my head slightly before Inuyasha released her hand to follow Kikyou just out of ear shot.

She played only a hand of the game that they were, a majority of the time her eyes were upon her Madame and the man she intently spoke to, it took far longer than normal before he handed over the proper bundle of yen and they returned so he could take her to the stairs and Madame Kikyou could continue to entertain the other men.

"Where is your room?" He inquired as they reached the second floor. The Shikon no Tama was a large establishment that held three floors, each girl possessed her own room—half with western style bed and half with futons.

"Down this hall," she said as she took his hand and led him to the farthest on their right, she slid upon the door—which was always what told what type of room it was—to reveal her Japanese room.

"You can call me Inuyasha," he began the moment he shut the door behind them, "I'd prefer you do that."

"Alright," many men preferred she called them by something other than the alias they went by within the brothel.

"Now," he grinned lightly before he leaned against the door with his arms folded in front of him, "take your kimono off."

With a nod of her head she began to do as she was told until—

"Slower," he beckoned, so she followed suit.

With tender care she revealed a new inch of her body, first her creamy shoulders, then her fair sized chest with pinked tips, her flat stomach, it was there she stopped briefly to look up at him—his eyes were where she had stopped. Once again, his eyes were evaluating her instead of possessing the lust most men did. After his eyes flickered up to hers she continued to untie her obi so the remainder of her baby blue, pink flowered, kimono could fall from her body.

It was a solid minute of his eyes scanning her, him raising his hand to twirl his finger so she would spin around slowly for him, before he took a step away from the door and came within arm's reach of her. He lifted his hands to flutter just above her skin in a few places before he leaned forward to kiss her cheek, "close your eyes," he whispered.

She obliged right as his hands actually rested upon her thigh. It was a slow processed until he got her onto her futon, "open your eyes."

She did, and his golden orbs were pouring right down into her hazels. It was a fairly quick series of events after that; his clothes were discarded, his hand gently parted her thighs as his lips found their way down her neck, to her valley, his mouth locked onto one of her breasts as his hand fiddled with the other—and that was the key, the signal for her to do as she had done so many times before.

Her soul exited her body as he parted her thighs to outline her entrance with his clawed hand—she added the appropriate gasp then—he instructed her exactly how to react after that, when he wanted to her hear moan, when he wanted to hear her say his name, he knew what he wanted and exactly when. Almost as if they were reenacting something that was all in his head.

He requested she cringe when he first penetrated her, and she did, he request that she didn't move her hips along with his rhythm and she submitted. It wasn't until midway through that he told her to start doing so, so she did; it took little time for her to find perfect sequence with him.

The entire time he made sure her eyes were open, that they were locked onto his…

The entire time that sparked something strange within her, something that disabled her to fully relinquish her soul from her body, to exit the event that was occurring. He told her when to arch his back so that her flat stomach to meet his hard abs.

His hands all the while where ravishing their way across her body, from anywhere to massaging a certain spot that made even her react below, to her chest, to her midnight shaded hair.

Almost, _almost_, she felt true bliss when she was meant to climax.

Almost, _almost_, he felt the release he was looking for when he finished.

Either way, when he was done he removed himself and found his clothes to put back on. Just as quickly he threw her kimono on top of her, "that was fine."

She simply nodded as she swallowed as covered herself, "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself."

"I'll see you in a night," those were the six words she'd learn so well.

That she would soon yearn to hear each night, yet never would.


	3. Myself

**| { Confound: Chapter 3 } |**

**||.Myself.||**

Toashi-sama continued to come for the past two months, at first it was every other day—that only lasted two weeks—then it was every three days and now I can't exactly predict him. Sometimes he comes two nights in a row, sometimes he doesn't show for three. I'm the only one he buys; I'm the only one he really speaks to besides my Madame.

For the first month each time he'd come, he'd grab me from whatever I was doing at the time and take me over to my Madame. They would always go to the side to speak for a prolonged period of time, always just out of earshot. It didn't bother me until after two weeks pasted and they kept up with it. That was when I decided I was eager to find out what they were speaking about. The one time I asked my Madame she brushed it off as something that I shouldn't concern myself with, and if she says so I suppose she knows best.

After that he must have set up a system with her because he didn't need to bother her before taking me upstairs. Our most regular and trusted clientele have a schedule with our Madame in which they have paid for a few weeks in advance and are guaranteed the girl of their choice for the nights they agreed upon with our Madame. I was his, each night he came.

For the first two weeks he had me do exactly what he said when he said it, then he loosened up and allowed me to let my instincts take over. After the first month I suppose he had gotten use to me, but that didn't mean he didn't have me do this or that each night. It wasn't strange at all; every man desires to play out his fantasy. I have gotten fairly good at figure them out, even if they don't tell me.

I'm certain he is trying to reenact a night that he still thinks about, with someone he still feels for…

He became my most regular client.

"You aren't here tonight," a rough voice beckoned me back to the now, "Kaoru-chan."

"I am sorry, Kouga-san," I pouted as I turned my head to look at the nude man beside me. He was my second most regular client, he used to be my most but then Toashi-sama began to show up.

He is a nice married man. On one of the days when I was out and about in town with my friends I saw him with a woman, a pretty red haired, green eyed wolf demon like him. He came by that very night and mentioned that was his wife. I don't think poorly of the men that cheat on their spouses by coming to see me or anyone like me, what right do I have to do that? I feel for the woman, but that is just how our society is. Men may do whatever they please, and I can't necessarily judge them. What if his pretty wife and him had an arranged marriage? What if they did not love each other? What if they had an argument about the whole matter?

"What has your mind so enchanted?" He inquired as he brushed a few strands of my midnight shaded locks out of my face. He was a gentle man even though no one would think so; he was from an important family, I'm sure of it, probably one of the prominent wolf packs in the country. I never asked, I think he'd tell me if I did, but that went against the rules. I wasn't supposed to know their real names; most men would tell me their true first names—I'm sure Kouga's his, it just seems fitting—but never their last. I never want to know them, anyway.

"The stars," I replied as I reached my hand out towards the open window so I could almost grasp the speckled sky.

"What about them?" He murmured into my ear.

"How far away they are. They don't appear so far, they always seem to be in reach but no matter how hard one tries they can never grasp them," I explained as I tried to capture a few but, like I said, I could never.

"Kaoru-chan," he chuckled, "you are adorable."

I just smiled at him as my hazel gaze moved to him, "thank you, Kouga-san."

There was some silence between us as his hands roamed my body freely, not really groping, just gliding, exploring. "Kaoru-chan?"

"Yes, Kouga-san?"

"Some of the nights that I come here, I notice you are already taken by a half-breed, the silver haired one, Inuyasha?" His dark eyes moved up to mine, "he's a dirty mutt, I hate to think of him with you."

"Thank you for worrying about me, Kouga-san," I said the safest thing as I grasped his hand in mine, "but you know I am not allowed to speak about that, it's the rules."

"The rules," he gave a friendly grunt, "there are so many."

"Yes, but they are for the best."

"I suppose," he nodded before taking my hands and kissing them.

There are three categories of men: those who I dislike to be with, which are only the slimy, annoying ones, and those who I do not mind, the majority of them, but then there are those that if I were to ever enjoy it, it would be with them. There are only three in the latter, Kouga-san, Hojo-kun, and now Toashi-sama—I don't know how Toahi-sama won his way into that one, though… Kouga-san has been coming to me for over a year now and I've known Hojo-kun for longer...

"I've got to go," Kouga declared, "the wife gets upset if I'm not back by dawn."

"Be careful, the streets aren't safe at night," I warned as he reached for his traditional Japanese clothes.

"No need to worry about me, Kaoru-chan," he chuckled once more, "I will see you again shortly."

"Goodbye, Kouga-san," he stopped at the door and looked over me one last time before he spoke once more.

"Kaoru-chan, you smell amazing tonight," even though it might sound like a strange thing to say I knew it was a compliment coming from a wolf demon so I smiled and thanked him as always.

"It's a new perfume that Madame Kikyou gave me for running an errand for her. It's called Belle Campanule."

"It sounds foreign, what? English?"

"It's from France, I think."

He just nodded then, "either way, I like it."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Hello, Toashi-sama," Kagome greeted as she made her way to him, it was a back and forth situation. It wasn't really a game; it was just whichever saw the other first would be the instigator for the night. Sometimes he came up to her, but more often lately she had been the one to spot him as soon as he entered the Shikon. Perhaps she was becoming just a bit too eager to see him?

"Kaoru-chan," he smiled lightly before placing his hand on the hollow of her spine to pull her, gently, closer to the bar he sat at. "Will you call me Inuyasha?"

If she was the first to see him, she would always address him properly then he'd always say that, and she'd always reply, "of course, Inuyasha-san. Do you want to head upstairs?"

"Not yet," he replied before catching the bar tender, "let me buy you a drink?"

"Tea, please, Jakotsu-san," she requested.

"Anything for you, Kaoru-chan," the make-up wearing man winked in reply before scurrying away.

"No alcohol?"

"I really don't like the taste," that and Madame Kikyou did not like them to drink too often, too much. It put them in a bad position, one where men could take more advantage over them than they already could. "Why wait?" She inquired; each time he came it was only a matter of minutes before they were up the stairs and to her room. Never before had they lingered in the entertainment room.

"Why so impatient?" He countered once her tea was placed in front of him, "please sit."

"I prefer to stand," she retorted with a smile as she rose her tea glass to meet his sake, "I'm not impatient, simply curious. This seems out of character for you, Inuyasha-san."

"How would you know?" If it weren't for the smile he had on his face, his cockish one that she knew so well, she would have almost been offended. She shouldn't, she knew that, she didn't know him at all. She just knew Inuyasha Toashi, the play he put on when he entered the Shikon. She'd never know Inuyasha whatever-his-true-surname is and how he acted in proper society… she didn't want to…

"Miroku," Inuyasha beckoned to the raven haired man that squeezed in between Kagome and whoever was sitting beside her, "you came tonight?"

"I see you did, too," he replied as he began to tap upon the counter, "hello, Kaoru-chan, you look lovely. Blue is beautiful on you."

"Thank you Miroku-san," if he gave a last name she would use it but he never did, he was simply 'Miroku'. "How are you tonight?"

"I am doing well," he nodded right as Jakotsu noticed him and inquired—as he leaned over the bar to gaze into his pretty violets more—what he could get the handsome man, "some rice wine, thank you."

"Jakotsu-san is harmless, for the most part," she assured with a bit of a giggle, "I promise."

"I will have to take your word on that," Miroku murmured before standing up a bit more.

"Kaoru-chan," Inuyasha caught her attention once more, "Miroku needs someone to entertain him, he hasn't found anyone that peeks his interest, any suggestions for him?"

"Oh, if I could I would but…" it was against the rules for them to suggest another girl to a client, which was something only Madame Kikyou could do. It was for the best, Kagome was sure, since if the girl was not to the man's liking he could get upset with the both of them.

"It's against the rules," Inuyasha scoffed, "Kikyou has too many of them."

Kikyou, not sama, not chan, not san, _Kikyou_. How informal, how… close, Kagome smiled nevertheless, there was no need to be—what? Offended? Jealous? Hurt? What did the little knot that appeared in her chest mean?

"Don't worry, Kaoru-chan," Miroku assured as he placed his hand upon her back once he received his drink, "I enjoy the hunt. Oh," his wickedly perverted grin grew, "are those twins?"

"Yes, Sachiko-chan and Michiko-chan are," she agreed.

"How interesting," he muttered before leaving the two for the table that occupied the currently unattended girls.

"He is a pervert but harmless, for the most part," Inuyasha promised.

"Is that so?" Kagome giggled once more, "I trust you the, Inuyasha-san."

It was a moment or two before he reacted; for the most part his golden gaze was just locked on her before he downed his sake cup and took her by the hand, "let's go upstairs."

He showed up later than usual that night so the room was crowded and took some time to maneuver through but they still made it to the stairs and up to her room in less than a minute.

"I have specific instructions for you tonight," he began the second he had her in the room and the door closed, he flicked off the light she had turned on, "open the window, we'll just use the moon for illumination."

That was her favorite way, that or in complete darkness, it was simpler to let go of the situation if she couldn't see what was going on. It was all the better when the window was open, which she took no time in doing, because her eyes could linger outside it—as long as she was not told to look at him or close her eyes—and she could let her soul go in search for a way to finally reach that star.

"What are they, Inuyasha-san?" she inquired after she had finished her task and turned around to, shockingly, have him right there. His hands grasped her hips right away and pulled her to him, "I-Inuyasha-san?"

"I want you to be _you_ tonight, not Kaoru."

It was instantaneous, her heart stopped, her breath ceased. Never… never in all her years had that been a request. It took a while to formulate a reply, and he seemed to expect it—like always, his eyes evaluated her all the while. "M-Me?"

That was the one thing she never _ever_ wanted to be. Kaoru could be the whore, Kaoru could be the one that those who came and went from the Shikon wanted, but not… Kagome. She wanted to leave her body while it worked, not stay, not act like… as far as she was concerned, Kagome had never had sex. As strange as that might be to grasp, it helped her get through the ordeal.

"You," he nodded, "I want you to do whatever you want tonight. I want you to say whatever _you_ want tonight, not what you think I do. Do you understand?"

"No," it wasn't hard to find her answer that time. What was there to understand? Why would he even want that?

"I thought you'd have trouble with this," he murmured with mild disappointment as his hands slid away from her side and he turned towards the door.

"Wait, Inuyasha-san, don't leave," she sped as she grabbed his hand.

He hand't planned on it in the least bit but,"is that Kaoru or… you?" He asked as he turned halfway towards her.

She opened her mouth a few times to reply but never could find her voice—which was talking then?

"I'm not leaving, I paid for tonight," he stated as he took her hands from his arm, "I'm just going to give you some time to process my request, alright? I have no obligations tomorrow; we have all the time in the world."

Meekly, she nodded as he lied down on the futon.

"Take all the time you need, wake me when you figure it out."

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

Be… myself? My heart couldn't grasp that, it couldn't even settle down after the request. I'm quite sure he could hear the pitter-patter of its quick pace with his ears, I am sure he knew how his appeal affected me but he still fell asleep within a few minutes. Perhaps whatever it was that he did during the day was tiring, perhaps he was up all night with his wife the night before… it never bothered me that anyone had a wife. It didn't bother me that he may. It didn't, I swear it didn't…

I took a breath as I closed my eyes; I had been kneeling beside my futon watching him sleep for a while now.

Did he know what he was asking me? Did he have any idea? It would ruin everything if I were 'me' with him. If I were Kagome, all my hard work to become Kaoru while I was with men would falter—what if I could not put back on the façade for my next client? What if I could never be 'Kaoru' again with him? Would that be so bad?

Yes, I reminded myself harshly, of course it would be. Just because Taoshi-sama is kind to me, just because he shows me special attention doesn't mean a thing. So does Kouga-san, and he doesn't do this to me. He is kinder, he never asked me to be me. It's not fair…

It was my job, though, the voice in the back of my mind beckoned. It's my job to do as he wishes, he had paid for the night, so… shouldn't I do as he requested? My eyes weakly opened as he shifted from his side to lie on his back. He had the most charming look when he was caught in slumber… the strong, evaluating face that I have grown to know so well over the past two months was gone and replaced with another almost childish peace. It warmed my heart—wait.

Wait, wait, wait. No. It shouldn't—I mean—it didn't. I literally smacked myself on the head for that one. What was wrong with me? I was a professional. I was. Kagome. I was a professional so… I took a breath.

OK. I could do this.

Now how to wake him…? He hadn't gotten under the sheets so I just moved down to his waist to start. Slowly, carefully, and silently I began to undo his pants. I was sure I hadn't woken him once I had his extremity exposed. I was a professional, after all.

I let my hand stroke him from the shaft all the way to the tip, he only stirred slightly so I bit my lip and did it again. After that I grasped it, working with it the best I knew how to until he let out a slightly groan and hardened some. I couldn't help but wonder at that point how much more I could do without waking him; I've never done such a thing with a slumbering man after all…

I took a breath and held it in for a moment before softly letting it go and lowering my head. I might talk a great deal, my friends might mention I have a 'big mouth' but I truly don't, it was rather small but I was able to get a good amount in. _I_ dislike oral, I didn't ever enjoy it, I particularly hated it when they tell me to swallow. But…

For some reason, I didn't mind as I began… he moaned in his sleep, still, I was sure he was as my head began to bob up and down, my hand working on massaging his other region at the end of his shaft, my tongue playing with him as I continued my work. He squirmed a little and panted when I pulled almost all the way off but I didn't and plunged back down to suck harder.

That was always the key, no matter the man that was always what got them and Toashi-sama was no different he moaned once more as I did it again.

Right before he came he ruined it all but muttering in between his pants, "Ki… Kikyou!"

It was an explosion in my mouth that I could have anticipated if it weren't for how blank my mind went at hearing that name from his lips in such a longing sense. I pulled away completely and covered my mouth with my hand as the other moved about until I could find a cloth—I refused to swallow if he… didn't know it was me.

I'm an idiot. I didn't want to be me but…

No, I would rather people think I am someone else—hadn't I always said that? It wouldn't be the first time someone cried out her name as I made them climax and it wouldn't be the last. Honestly, _honestly_, I was never jealous before. I liked it, that way it was someone else that was on their mind. Not Kagome, not even Kaoru but… but…

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Kaoru…?" He mumbled as he got up and brushed some of his sliver bangs out of his face, his golden gaze surveying the scene, "is that what you wanted to do?" It took too long for her to reply so he had to look up to her face for the first time, a cloth over her mouth and her eyes fixated on him, rather intently. What were hidden behind them? Not anger but…?

She simply shook her head before looking away, "now what do you want to do?"

"I said that I wanted _you_ to say what _you_ wanted, regardless of what you might I want to hear, didn't I?" He somewhat scowled.

Fine, fine, fine, she'd say it then, she'd just spit it out, "you called out for Kikyou."

Oh, he glanced away, "… did I?"

"I don't care," she assured as he placed her hands firmly in her lap, "many come to me because I resemble Madame Kikyou. If you wanted that the entire time you should have just told me and you could call me—"

"You are right," he stopped her words and heart beat all at once, "you look like her and that's what I picked you, for the most part. It was strange that you pulled my ears on our first encounter, too," he reminded as one of his hands went to brush his ear.

She held her breath and closed her eyes, it shouldn't be like this. It shouldn't sting so to hear those words. She'd heard them a thousand of times before. He. Was. No. Different. Than. The. Rest. He wasn't, so… why was he? He wasn't godly handsome, he wasn't extraordinary charming, extremely kind, so… what was it? Why did he have to come along and ruin everything?

_Why_?

"Kaoru—"

"Please tell me what you would like to do, Taoshi-sama," she interrupted.

"I told you—"

"I do not see the point, if you would rather I be Kikyou-sama I will. If that is what you prefer, that is what you are paying for, after all," that's right. She was just a doll to be played with after shelling out a few yen, it wasn't a romantic tale. They hadn't met in a crowded room because their eyes caught the other, there was no love at first sight—there was no love at all, so… she took a breath and began to slowly remove her kimono like he usually requested.

That was, until his hand grasped hers once she reached her obi, only her blue kimono top was off, the white one underneath was still covering her breasts for the most part. Reluctantly she looked up to him with a tilt of the head, "yes, Toashi—?"

"Inuyasha," he corrected as his hands tightened about hers, "if I wanted to call you Kikyou I would have by now. _Tonight_, I want _you_. I want to experience _you_, so give that to me."

"But—"

"I can't help what I say in my sleep," he snorted while retracting his hand, "if I knew your name perhaps I would have said it instead."

"It's Kaoru," she reminded but they both knew what he meant.

"I. Want. You. Tonight." Could he say it in any planer language? She was literate, she was fairly intelligent, and thus she should be able to understand those four simple words.

And she did, and if it weren't for the fact that it scorned her so to hear him call her by her Madame's name she probably wouldn't have gave in but… she wanted him to see _her_. So he broke her barrier, he broke her.

She finished what she started and removed her fine kimono; he didn't protest but didn't watch like he always had before. It wasn't until she made her move—placing her hands upon his shoulders as she kneeled before him—that his eyes returned to hers before her lips met his… for the first time.

Kiss any part of the body, lick any part, nibble at any part, but never the lips. That was a rule. It was meant to probably keep emotional attachments at a minimal, those who loved each other kissed on the lips, those who fucked each other never bothered.

She didn't close her eyes, neither did he for a moment before his hands reached up to grasp her and pull her body against his—then he did, so she did too. She licked against his lips, he was eager to part them for her and allow his tongue to tangle with hers before starting its assault within her mouth. Moving along with hers, then to the roof as she worked to unbutton his shirt and remove his vest, he helped to remove all of her white kimono to she hadn't fully undone.

He rolled her onto the futon so they could together remove his pants that were all too much in the way. It was his hands that moved down to her thighs and opened them—not once had they let their mouths escape the other. When she felt his stiffness at her entrance just about to plunge in she made her hands cease their attack upon his chest and grasped a chunk of his long sliver locks in her hand to jerk his face from hers.

Together, they gasped for air—it worked to make him stop. No words were spared as their eyes wandered around the others before she grasped her legs around his hip and flipped him to his back. He allowed it with a grin; she placed her hands back upon his chest as his moved to grip her behind ever so tightly.

"Is this what you want?" He broke the silence, he had to ask.

How was she to know? He had ruined it all, she had a definite Kaoru/Kagome idea and he had shattered it. How was she to understand what feelings might be sizzling within her? She'd rather it be nothing but lust. Lust was easy. Lust was something she could deal with. Love was not. Love was forbidden, truly.

Regardless, she nodded as she situated herself properly before plunging down on him, he let out a little grunt as she let her hands slid up his chest. She was the one that picked the speed, he just helped her with his guiding hands, every once and a while he'd jerk up to meet her and they'd both gasp. Before either were half-way he couldn't take how little he was participating and rose to half-sit, she rested her arms around his neck at that point and pressed her chest against his as she continued without missing a beat.

For once, it was a simultaneous meeting with bliss.

All she let out was a sigh as she pried herself free of him to fall upon her futon, one hand meddling with her hair, the other upon her stomach.

"That was much better... but when will you open your eyes?" He questioned, ever since she gained the dominant post she had shut them, not once had he.

"When… I want to," she murmured back as she tried to catch her breath. He had no idea at all what he had just done. How could he? If she told him he'd laugh at her, say that was ridiculous—how could he when she was a whore? It didn't matter, to her; he just took her first time. Kaoru had felt an orgasm before; Kaoru had had sex but… never Kagome. She had to readjust to the life changing event, she had to try and fix herself from the inside out. She had to remember how to become Kaoru again because she'd never be Kagome again with him… she swore that.

"Fine," he retorted, she could hear him move around but still did not open her eyes. He wasn't going far so he wasn't going for his clothes, she felt his hands roam her side and his body loom above her, "but, that's not the only time for tonight. Again?"

"Of course, Inuyasha-san," it was her job; she said that flawlessly like Kaoru would. The next thing she knew she felt his warm mouth against her nether region, he pulled her body up so all her weight was placed against her upper back and her lower body was up in the air, his arms supported her as he began to repay her for her earlier actions. All she could think was 'he must like oral'.

When she couldn't help but gasp and let a few moans out she pried her eyes open some, trying her best not to squirm so much, not to react so much. That was when her glance met the open window, the starry sky.

"Ah, Inuyasha-san!" She cried as his thumb began to fiddle with her hidden pearl. She tried her best to keep her eyes open, her focus on the stars; she wanted to do what she always did… but it was too intense, his tongue ravished her like she hadn't been before—but had—his thumb worked magic that sent shivers through her. She wanted to tell him to stop but she bit her tongue. He had paid to do whatever, Kaoru would never tell a client to stop.

He pushed her legs down to almost meet her stomach before entering, she bit her lip to stop from gasping again.

It was the stars… she'd focus on them as he pounded down… she couldn't be Kagome anymore.

The stars…

{ | x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x | }

"Kaoru," he mumbled after pulling me closer so that my back as against his chest, his nose digging into my hair.

"Yes, Inuyasha-san?"

"Are you wearing perfume tonight?"

"Yes—"

"I don't like it," he scoffed, "don't wear it anymore."

It stung some, again, how many times did he need to do that to me tonight? Well, this morning now... "why? I've been told by others it is lovely. I like it."

"What is it supposed to be? Bellflowers?"

I had to think about that for a moment, recall what Madame Kikyou had said 'Campanule' meant. "Yes, that's it, how did you know?"

"I am a half demon," he reminded me, "I don't want you to smell like bellflowers. You smell better without it. Don't wear it anymore."

"It was an expensive gift," I kept up, it was the only thing I could really arguing with him on, so I would. I had given him so much already, I shouldn't give him another victory.

"I won't be coming tomorrow night," again, why did he keep doing that to me?

"Because I won't stop wearing my new prefume?" I sighed, "that is... stupid."

I could feel his lips brush against my neck, "it's not that. I just won't be coming, I have an obligation tomorrow night. You can wear your prefume then, but I should be back the night after, don't wear it that day. Wear something else if you must, but not this."

"Alright," we'll see, perhaps I'd 'forget'.

... Why was it that my mind couldn't stop wondering what his other preengagment for tomorrow night was?


	4. Mistake

_**Read A/N at end of chapter for important note.**_

**| { Confound: Chapter 4 } |**

**||.Mistake.||**

"Kagome-chan," Sango-chan chimed rather brightly, which struck me as odd… very odd; I adore Sango-chan more than anyone else in the whole wide world. She's my closet friend; she might as well be blood. She's almost a year older than me but acts like she is five. I think it's because she's been through so much, that she was forced to grow up so quickly… I honestly don't think she had a childhood. At least I did, not the best, but I had one before…

I shook my head lightly before I could manage a smile, "good morning, Sango-chan."

"Good afternoon," she corrected me with a rather coy smile, "Kagome-chan, I can't recall the last time I woke before you."

"Oh?" I mumbled as I poured myself a cup of tea. It's not my fault I couldn't sleep, it's his… he left at dawn, I don't know how long I lied there staring at his side—no, simply the side he chose to lie on for a short time—letting my mind battle out what had occurred. Would you like to know what I came up with?

I'm doomed.

"You don't look so well," she murmured after she had already come up to me and placed her hand upon my forehead, "are you feeling fine? Did something happen last night?"

Last night… the thought caused a clamp to grasp my heart but I was able to hide that from her with my same smile as I took her hand from my head to hold it in front of my aching chest, "Sango-chan, you seem to be glowing today… I heard from Sachiko-chan what happened last night…"

It was a flickered wince that appeared upon her face, "oh, yes, I may have… you know," she sighed as she retracted her hand from mine. "The punishment wasn't that bad, not as bad as I expected. I noticed you went off with Taoshi-san once more last night."

"Yes," I simply shrugged before I lied to her, "it was nothing special."

Of all the people in the world, she was closet to me and yet I could not tell her my dilemma—why? I couldn't burden her; Sango-chan had enough to weigh her down without my futile inner feud piling up on her. Besides… I already knew how she felt about him.

I envy her for that, how she says what's on her mind without holding back. I'd like to be able to do that but I can't, I never have, not even to the one I am closet to. She's so strong… I am so weak. She would never have gotten herself into my situation, she knew better. She's destined for great things, well, as great as any of us could get. She's also probably one of the most disliked at Shikon, not because of her attitude, but from the well known fact that Kikyou-sama truly liked her and was most likely intended to leave the brothel to her when she decided to move on.

Envy, how awful of a feeling…

"Sango-chan, Kagome-chan," Kikyou-sama greeted as she entered to get some tea as well, "good afternoon."

"Good afternoon, Kikyou-sama," I replied rather meekly. I have never had ill feelings towards her; I believe I've mentioned how kind she was to me when I was just a little girl and living in the Shikon. Did I also mention that I would have started my work at the age of fourteen—a year before I did—if not for her? She bickered with the former Madame about this and that until she gave in and decided I was not 'developed' enough. That's why… that's why I shouldn't be feeling this way towards her.

It should be towards him—wait. No. He was just a client. He was! Why couldn't my mind grasp that? What had he done to earn such affections from me? Truly, I would love to know. I must have been focusing too much on my thoughts because I didn't understand what Sango-chan and her were speaking of when I blinked away my worries.

"I am glad," Kikyou-sama smiled—her smile that could make an emperor halt in his tracks. "I knew Miroku-sama would be a fine choice."

Miroku-san? I glanced to the rather blank look on Sango-chan's face, had she spent the night with him? What was so amusing? Something had to be, because Kikyou-sama chuckled lightly to herself before exiting.

"Kikyou-sama," I beckoned before scurrying after her, leaving the still stunned Sango-chan.

"Kagome-chan?" She stopped to allow me to meet her, "is there something the matter?"

I took a breath and held it in until it burned my lungs, then I let it all come out in a nearly inaudible rush, "remember when you told me to be wary of Toashi-sama?"

The good will that was on her face from her encounter with Sango-chan vanished just like that, her brows creased together creating wrinkles on her usually smooth forehead, "did Inuyasha do something?"

My lips pressed themselves together, Inuyasha… so informal, did that mean they knew each other well? Was his fantasy of her not simply wishful thinking like all the other men?

"Kagome-chan?"

"No," I swore gently with my hazels shut, I couldn't take it. "No, not at all. I was just curious to what you meant…"

There was too much silence, too much time for my mind to pile with thoughts—perhaps I was to be 'wary' so I would not get in the way of whatever they possessed? No, Kikyou-sama would never be with a ma… that was it, wasn't it? I couldn't breathe no matter how terribly loud my lungs called out for air. Kikyou-sama took a vow of chastity when she took over the Shikon perhaps they do have something but Toashi-san could not take _not_ having sex? Perhaps I was meant to be a surrogate for the intimacy he was not permitted? I did look so similar to her… then…

Why? Why did he request that I was 'me' last night?

"Kagome-chan," she finally spoke, I felt her hands upon my shoulders, "should I not allow him to see you anymore?"

I had to check myself, make sure that there were no tears hidden behind my closed lids before I allowed them to open and look into her similar chocolates, "why would you ask, Kikyou-sama?"

"Inuyasha…" she paused before retracting her hands from me to fold them in front of her, "is just like every other man; please remember that, Kagome-chan."

"Of course," of course I knew that… of course.

It was a moment or two after she had turned to walk away before she ceased and twisted to look at me once more—my gaze was still on her, our eyes met, it was like looking into a mirror of what could be… She parted her precious lips to say something but held it in until she could no longer, "Kagome-chan… Inuyasha means well. I would like to believe he does…"

What did that mean? It was my turn to furrow my brows, "Kikyou-sama?"

"But, regardless," her stoic self returned, the one all respected, "he will forever be from a different world than us," _us_, not her, not me, _us_… "Please, Kagome-chan, remember that. I hope you understand what I am getting at."

Only vaguely… only somewhat… only not a little as what-could-be walked away.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Another night, another journey to the Shikon, another payment at the door, another shot of joy bursting about from the already drunk fools caused his ears to twitch as he stepped in. The first night in a few weeks that he didn't see her almost right away, the room was filled with too many scents that he couldn't find her—the smoke from cigarettes got in the way and the profound quantity of perfume was always an assault upon his nostrils. If he focused hard enough, if she spoke loud enough, perhaps he could locate her through her voice.

Mingling about the room was all he could do; her scent was in the room so she was there...

"Kaoru," he grinned the moment he caught her from behind, "you are difficult to find."

"Toashi-san," she sputtered rather quickly before pushing away from him. Something wasn't right, the dense man could tell from the way she bit her bottom lip and refused to even look him in the face. From ignorance he thought he had it figured out after one sniff.

"I told you, didn't I? Not to wear that perfume," he scoffed with folded arms. That earned him a rather stern look from her, "well, I did."

"It was a fine _gift_. I like it, too, besides… Kouga-san says he likes it."

One of his brows cocked, "Kouga… the wolf demon? That bastard?" He had seen him there a few times but rarely lingered downstairs so never really bumped into him. He was quite possibly one of the biggest pains in his rear that existed outside the Shikon—must he become one when he was there, too? "Don't tell me that you… _like_ that man?"

"Of course I like Kouga-san," she protested with a pout, "he is kind to me."

"Why does he get to be 'Kouga-san'? I've asked you for the past two months to call me Inuyasha yet you still always address me by 'Toashi' half the time," he snarled some.

"Kouga-san has been coming to me for over a year now," she retorted rather timidly before letting her pretty gaze avoid his irked one, "Kouga-san has already purchased me tonight, you can find another girl if you would like."

"Wh-What?" Inuyasha growled, she could hear the crackle of his fists as he clenched them—a true sign of anger, she had gathered.

"You came too late," even though they had only been opened for an hour, "you should have made a prior arrangement with Madame Kikyou. Since you did not, it is your fault entirely so do not take it out on me."

Well, honestly, that was a bit of a lie… but she needn't tell him that.

"I told you I would be coming tonight," he recalled.

"Yes," she scoffed back—need he bother her so? She had barely been able to sleep the night before because of him, she hadn't her usual temper to deal with him, "because I have the authority to tell Kouga-san 'I am sorry, but Inuyasha-san has already claimed me for the night yet he is not here, not made a prior arrangement with the Madame, and not paid'?"

"You should have," he snorted, causing her eyes to roll before she simply waved him off.

His clawed hand grasped hers before she could walk away, his eyes narrowed upon her turned cheek, "I don't smell the mangy wolf here."

"That is because he stopped by for a drink earlier, he just left," she explained before yanking her hand from his, "he will be returning after he finishes whatever it is he has to take care of tonight."

She hadn't been expecting Kouga-san but when she noticed him enter the establishment with his two subordinates yet apparent friends, Ginta and Hakkaku—who never could afford a girl in less Kouga paid, which was rare—had stopped by just for some amusement and a drink. She still went over to him right away, remembering completely how Inuyasha had plans of coming that night, and flirted with him as only she could—laced with innocents. It enchanted him like always and he pulled her closer, whispering into her ear that he'd go talk to the Madame but it would be some time before he was able to get out of his home and return to her for the night.

So… the truth was, she did it on purpose. She didn't mean to be cruel but… it was for her own well being that she didn't see Inuyasha that night.

"How long until he returns?"

"I do not know."

"Then why don't we—"

"One a night," she stated; that was a rule. The Madame didn't want to strain a girl by allowing more than one man a night, no more than seven a week.

"Goddamn Kikyou's rules," he grunted before shoving his hands into his pocket, his heated golden gaze staring about the room with furrowed brows. In a flash all of that disappeared and a misplaced mischievous grin took over.

Why did she feel her stomach drop at such a sight? "I… Inuyasha-san?"

"Come with me," he more ordered than requested. There really wasn't any arguing when he took hold of her wrist to yank her forward, wiggling their way through the crowd until they were at the edge of the room.

"What are you—?" But she hadn't the time to inquire before he opened the door that was next to her and pushed her in. By the time her eyes adjusted to the dull almost non-existent light he was there, too, in the fair sized coat closet with the door closed. It wasn't in use because it was spring… how did he know that it was there if she was he had mentioned moving to the town only at the start of the season?

"Kaoru, will you tell me your real name?" He inquired in a hush; his hand rose up to brush her flustered cheeks.

"No," there was no way in hell she'd ever do that, never _ever_. "What do you think you are doing? I have to go back out there, what if Kouga-san returns?"

"Then we'll make this quick," he assured as he took her by the waist when she made her attempt to get to the door. With his lips to her ear he whispered, "please, Kaoru, I've missed you. I won't be able to get away for a few nights…"

"No, are you mad? This is completely and utterly against the rules!" Was very, very much what she should have retorted but… she couldn't find her voice as his hands wandered down her hips, as she felt his hot breath against her earlobe, his lips lingering right about to touch them. Why didn't she say no?

Could she fully blame Madame Kikyou for it? If only she had not given her such a cryptic message _but_ she had said Inuyasha meant well so… she turned around in his arms to look at him, her eyes scanning his grand golden gaze to assure herself what she was about to do was fine… She leaned forward and he closed the gap between their lips.

His tongue licked at her upper lip until she parted them for his invasion. Would he think it was funny that he was the only one to ever kiss her upon the lips? That she had never done that? She thought so, so she'd never tell him… he must have gotten that idea, though, from how inexperienced she was at it. Still, she did the best she could to follow his skilled moves.

He sucked upon her tongue when she allowed it to enter his mouth, then pushed his into her mouth to trace the roof her jaw—so she did the same for him—he slid his tongue below hers to play with what lied under it—she found her hands were tangled in his long silver strands—he rubbed the underside of her tongue—she pressed her body against his—he nibbled at her tongue—she wrapped her arms about his neck—then they intertwined in more ways than one.

With only mild care he backed her up to against the wall, his hands groping at her behind until he lifted the bottom half of her light pink kimono with floral print up to tuck within her obi—not letting her wiggling her way out the kiss to protest at all. After that was done he allowed her time to pant for air as he parted her tights, his lips migrated down to her neck as he guided his way into her.

It was an abrupt gasp from her that encouraged him all the more to thrust into her, lifting her up a bit more to pin her against the wall.

Her eyes were shut, he noted, as she tried her best to bicker, "wh-what if, ah," she bent her neck to the side so he could continue his assault upon her neck, "if… someone hears…"

"It's too loud out there," he stated between pants.

His hands slid to her thighs to angle her so he could go deeper—she bit her lips to keep from a moan.

"Tell me," he grunted between plumps, "your name?"

"N-No," she gasped the best she could before his lips met her earlobe—her head spun.

This wasn't happening… was it?

She was the first to clamp down around him, his hand covered her mouth to muffle her cry as he followed suit after a few more pulses through her tightness.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

My breath was labored when he finally slid out and caught me in his arms to make sure I had my footing secure upon the ground before he let go of me. It took a great deal of will power for me to open my eyes and look about me, still… still I was in the dark.

"I…" couldn't have just done that.

Did he know the meaning behind that? Did he comprehend it? If I pointed it out would he simply chuckle? Yes… he would. He would deny it; he would tell me that he had paid to enter the Shikon but… I still feel like I gave myself to him for free. Did he know what that meant to me? Because I sure didn't…

"I have to wash up," I declared as I fixed my kimono, trying to get all the wrinkles out as my hands frantically brushed upon it. I was sweaty, I was a mess, my hair had been ruined… why did he have to do that to me? Why did I allow it?

"Alright," he replied, I felt his hand cup my face, I'm sure he meant for me to look at him but there was just no way I could.

"Have a nice night, Inuyasha-san," I barely managed before I exited the closet—thank the gods that there was no one there to notice—and head to the washroom.

How could I? I found my breath once I had the door shut behind me but… I was never able to look at the mirror. I couldn't dare see who was looking back at me.

When I was sure it appeared as if nothing occurred—which I had to make sure of relatively quickly, what if Kouga-san had already returned?—I was finally able to exit the washroom and head back to the main room.

It wasn't too long after that that I felt Kouga-san's large, rough, hands take my hips, or his rusty yet soothing voice against my ear.

It wasn't too long after that that I notice Inuyasha-san hadn't left like I thought but lingered at the bar with his eyes intently on me as I went upstairs with Kouga-san—my eyes just as much on his golden orbs until I could see them no more.

It wasn't too long after that that Kouga-san complimented me on my scent—I had applied a great deal more of my perfume to counteract Inuyasha-san's.

It wasn't too long after that that… I think I got Kaoru back. That I was so thankful Kouga-san came that night to bring her back.

Because… I need Kaoru to stay.

* * *

**A/N: **One again, thank you for reading and to all who reviewed. As always, I adore reviews.

**Important to story:** I just wanted to point out that the use of 'chan/kun/san/sama/or none' & the use of last name compared to first is an important factor in showing character relationship between them. 'Sama' is the most formal, 'san' is less formal but still a matter of respect while 'chan/kun' are friendly terms, to use none means the two are good friends/close. So, I do take notice to when I use what or if I even do use one at all *hint hint*


	5. Morose

**| { Confound: Chapter 5 } |**

**||.Morose.||**

For a month I was a fool, for a month he stopped by at least four times a week but not every time he paid to take me upstairs… sometimes he'd tell me he could not stay long enough, that he could only linger for less than an hour… I am nearly positive Toashi-san is married... On those nights we would always go to the coat closet. It became our area, our room. A room I shared with no other man.

I liked him, I did, a great deal more than I should. I gave up fighting it, I would not fall in love, I assured myself that. I told myself this over and over again each time I let him stir up feelings within when with each pump into me. So many had done to me exactly what he did, yet none could summon such passion. Let's call that the result of simple lust, let's just do that, just give me that much…

He had to care about me, I decided, he just had to. Not once for the past month had I noticed him talk to my Madame, so… that meant something, didn't it? And Kikyou-sama not once mentioned Toashi-san to me. Perhaps whatever they had evaporated? Perhaps I was delusional and they never had anything? I hope it's the latter, for my Madame's sake.

That was why, because I knew I was special to him… I had to be, that was why I allowed our meetings within the coat closet every once and a while—once a week, so only four times… five, at most. Five free encounters. What did that say about me? Was I failing at my job? Was it cheating my Madame to give myself away like that?

No… but she would be upset with me, because it's against the rules.

I'm upset with myself, too.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Kaoru," the way he said her name was what got her, sometimes it was normal, but when he wanted to grab her attention he'd stretch out each syllable, allowing the end to roll of his tongue so divinely.

"Inuyasha-san?" She inquired as she turned on her futon to look him in his glimmering golden gaze, she couldn't help but smile.

"I can't make it tomorrow night and next week I only have one free night and Kikyou," it stung still, each time she heard him say her name, because he said it like he said Kaoru... "said that in two nights—_the_ one night I can come see you—that you won't be available, why is that? Did someone already claim you, like that damned wolf?"

"No," she countered rather softly yet quickly, "no, that is my night off, we all get them." That was why all loved Madame Kikyou so much more than the one before her, she allowed each girl a night off a few times a month, and if she thought one needed more she'd give them more. She was kind like that… Kagome's gaze wondered in between her and Inuyasha, to the covers.

"What do you do on your nights off?" He asked before taking his clawed fingers and brushing her ebony tousles behind her ear.

"This and that," it was private, she'd rather keep it to herself. Not that it was anything grand; she usually just rested up or went out with another girl if she was not the only one with that night off. It was always a good time, she loved those nights. She loved sleeping in her bed alone and not having to deal with the busy room below.

She closed her eyes as his fingers glided across her cheeks until they reached her lips, "meet me that night?"

"No," she murmured before pressing her lips together and squeezing her eyes tighter. That would be going far beyond what was allowed, that would be allowing too many chances for him to force her to break the golden rule—don't fall in love. She wouldn't. She wouldn't as long as they stayed within the Shikon…

"Kaoru, let's call it a date, meet me that night," he kept up before moving close enough to press his lips against hers. If she was willing to break that rule and do him in the coat closet, then why not take it a step further?

A date…? That word lightened her heart, too much, she should have known better than to allow it to affect her so, but she did, so she faulted, "well… perhaps, Inuyasha-san."

"No perhaps, I want a yes," he stated as his hand grasped her shoulder to move her so she was lying on her back and he could loom above her, propped up on one of his arms, "tell me 'yes'."

"Inuyasha-san…" she murmured, avoiding his eyes so that they could not pour so deeply in hers, "perhaps."

"Kaoru," he complained before his lips touched her neck and he tickled her skin when to murmur, "tell me yes."

"Perhaps…"

"Yes," he kept up as his hand migrated below the covers.

"If," she took a deep breath as she felt his hand linger near her nether region, "if I were… to come, I am not saying yes, but if I were to… then where… would I meet you?"

A smirk lifted his lips against her skin, "I have a place in mind."

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

Constant flutters within my belly gave me shivers even on the hot summer night, I honestly think I have never been so nervous in all my life then I was at this very moment. Waiting, waiting, wait… for him, to come to Hidoi Herutsu like he said he would _but_, in his defense, we never agreed on a time. Just after dark, we'd meet in front of there. I do not know how long I lingered there, I'm sure it only felt so extensive because of the anticipation…

A date. He called it a date, was it really, though? Was I naïve to think it could be..? Oh, what a fool I am. What a complete fool, I had to leave before he showed up. I never promised him I would come, I only said 'perhaps'. So I turned to head back across town to the Shikon, to just go rest in my bed for a night, in my comfortable, familiar, warm futon.

My heart string was tugged as soon as I felt my yutaka being lightly pulled so I would stop, I pressed my lips, let it be a perverted man that wanted to harmlessly flirt… don't be him, don't be him, don't be him, I begged as I closed my eyes, took a breath, then twisted around to see…

Him. In his usual fine western wardrobe, "will you tell me your real name?"

"No," I muttered rather breathlessly.

He scoffed something too low for me to hear before taking my hand and leading me into Hidoi Herutsu. I couldn't give him that. I couldn't. I would have nothing left if I told him my name. I would be admitting to feelings deeper than I like if I gave him my name… I simply could not do that. I could not fall that far. I could not break the golden rule. Please, please, please if there are any gods, please take mercy upon me.

I am fine with my profession, I do not ask that you purge me of it, I do not ask that you bless me with any good fortune, all I ask is that you shield my heart like that which Kaoru could no longer. I beg of you not to let me fall in love.

Will you give me that much? _Please_? I never blamed you for my situation, so please, just this once… protect me. I swear I'll go to a temple tomorrow if you do.

"I hope you are hungry," he began as we got a small, private, table in corner. It was far too intimate.

I just smiled to him, how could I be? I had barely eaten all day in eagerness for this moment, the worry that wrapped around my gut kept any desire of food at a minimum. What would we talk of? We talked when we were in bed with each other but about a bunch of nothing, completely impersonal matters. The most personal it got was how he moved her, the other night he mentioned he had grown up in the town and that was why he decided to return.

This is about all I know about Inuyasha-san: his first name is truly Inuyasha, he is a half dog-demon, he is from a very well off family, he hasn't any family in town, he grew up in town and moved away, at the start of spring he returned, he prefers western styled things for himself but still is partial to eastern influences, he likes the color red more so than blue, he prefers to allow the light of the night-sky illuminate my room, he prefers sake over any other drink, he dislikes tea, he knew Kikyou-sama well…

I could give you a very long list of things he preferred and disliked in bed but I'd rather not.

Inuyasha-san ordered for me, since I had never been there before and he claimed he knew the menu well.

He was a control freak; I can add that to the list of things I know, both in bed and out of it.

His hand reached out for mine on top of the table but my eyes only lingered on it, it was inappropriate to show such affection for one another in public, he had to know that…

He did not care what others thought of him; another thing I know.

"Toashi-san—"

"Don't make me ask tonight," he requested with something very similar to a pout but not quiet that.

"Inuyasha-san," I corrected… but then I realized I hadn't anything to say, we hadn't anything to talk about outside of the Shikon, I think he knew that, too. That's why we spared few words in between then and when the food came out for us. At least I liked what little I ate of what he ordered me, I suppose. At least this time was shattering my false hope, I suppose I should be thankful of that. We obviously weren't meant for any interaction out side of the Shikon...

_Obviously_, my mind echoed. Obviously we were not. What could I hope for? On the very off chance that Inuyasha-san was not married, which, as I said, I'm very sure he is, then did I honestly believe he'd want to somehow take a whore for a bride? No, really, I speak the truth when I say I have never become that delusional. I know that would never happen because, most importantly, I could never produce an heir to his family fortune or name. After my first experience with a man, along with every other girl at the Shikon and most likely my profession, we have to go see this very unpleasant doctor and go through this god-awful ordeal that I'd rather not talk about. Now, none of us can have children. Thankfully... right? Because I'd probably have one or two or three or more by now. I suppose it's a good thing that that occurred...

"Kaoru," he beckoned, "you look warn, have you had it hard this week?"

Only so hard as you make it for me, Inuyasha-san, "I was 'free' last night."

He nodded, he must have known what that meant. That I did not get paid for the night before, it doesn't happen each night I work, but he also knew what that entailed, "then you had to stay downstairs until closing? You must not have gotten too sleep much."

I simply nodded my head, we stay downstairs until we are paid for or--if we are not--we simply stay down and flirt with the men that came to gamble, drink, and gawk at us. Sometimes I preferred that, sometimes I disliked it. Last night I was indifferent, but I wanted to go to bed long before it was closing time.

"I don't know how Kikyou does it every night," it was truly like he cut all the strings that held my heart in my chest just then.

"Yes, I do not know how Kikyou-sama does it either," I meekly replied. She stayed downstairs from opening to close yet still woke before me each day.

"Are you alright?" He inquired, I just smiled up at him but it must have failed to ensure him I was, "would you like to know... about me and Kikyou?"

I think all parts of me stilled, my lungs, my heart that had already began to fall out of my chest, all of me, I couldn't reply... he took that as a yes.

"Don't mention this to Kikyou," he requested before leaning back in his seat some, his golden glimmering gaze dulled as it moved away from me, "alright?"

I swallowed before regaining my voice, "yes."

"Years ago, back when I first lived here, when I came of age, I went to the Shikon... back when Kikyou was not the Madame but a worker. I love Kikyou," _not_ lov_ed_ but love, love... he still loves her, still, _still_. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I leaned my warm head against the cool wooden wall, "she was the only one I ever went there to see... Onigumo, that damn bandit..." his fists clinched together to cause a crack, his eyes intently focused at creating a hole in the wall, I'm sure, "we stopped trusting each other, we got in a fight, I left."

That was it, not a very thorough explanation, not a very easy one to understand. I didn't get it, but I have a feeling he thought he said more. It does not matter, I got the most important part--he _loves_ Kikyou-sama.

"Kaoru? You look ill, are you sure--?"

"Inuyasha-san," I stopped him as I opened my eyes and sat up, "if you wish to call me by Kikyou-sama's name then go a head. If that is what you want..." if I am so blind that I never noticed that you have yet to see me... wait, of course you can't see me. You don't know me, you don't even know my name.

"Kaoru," he growled, "I would if I wanted to."

But he did... I knew he did, he probably did... then why didn't he? Why did he want me to come out tonight with him? Why? Gods, where are you? Why are you letting my heart fall upon the ground to be stomped upon?

"Kaoru," he slowly whispered, "you really don't look well, stay here for a bit."

I barley noticed him leave for the room was spinning too much. It shouldn't affect me like this, I should have anticipated this... why did he ask me out tonight?

"Kaoru," he murmured as he placed a hand on my shoulder, "can you walk?"

"Of course," it was surreal, I did not know I said anything, just as I was only mildly aware that I stood, walked, ascended stairs, and then entered a room. A bed room.

"Kaoru," he coaxed from behind me, I think he said something else but I didn't really hear it. "Kaoru?" he placed a hand on my shoulder, "lie down."

I did.

"Is it too hot? Is that it? The cotton that your yukata is made of mustn't be comfortable tonight," he kept talking as I felt a weight upon the side of the bed I was facing away from. What did he want from me? To wear a pretty silk kimono for him tonight? To draw that much attention? I usually wear yukatas outside of the Shikon, normal people wear yukatas. I can be a normal person sometimes, I deserve that.

"Are you wearing something under the yukata?" He inquired, once more I felt his hand against my shoulder.

"Yes."

"Take off the yukata then."

I did.

I wore the proper white thin yutaka-like gown below it. Then lied back down facing away from him. The window was open in the room, the sky was filled with sparks... I felt him lie down beside me, I had a feeling I knew where this was going but... I was wrong. I closed my eyes as wrapped his arms around me to pull me lightly to him.

Then... he let me fall asleep. Do you want to know what I dream of? The stars, it almost always about them. Trying to grasp them, trying to be find where they were. They are so mystical, so beautiful, yet forever out of reach. I'll never get a hold of a star.

When I opened my eyes the moon was at its peek, it was almost gone as it lingered outside my window. I knew it looked close, like the sparkles that danced about it, but I knew the moon was a silly thing to try and get a hold of. There was but one moon, there were thousands upon thousands of sparkles. I think there are enough for every person in the world to have one.

A warm breath brushed against my hair, it was a stable, deep set so he must have fallen asleep too. That was when a smile lifted my lips, he was worried about my health, that was why he purchased a room for the night. I rolled overly slowly in his arms as not to wake up, he looked so peaceful in his sleep. My smile grew.

I am a silly girl.

"Kikyou...?" he murmured.

There it went again, my heart shattered.

I'm not Kikyou-sama. I'm not. I want him to know that, to accept that. I. Want. Inuyasha-san. To. See. Me. To see me, not as one of the many girls that linger about the one and only Kikyou-sama. I want to be... her. If she can enchant him so much, I want to trade places... but I could never be her. She is too stoic, I am too silly, she is too strong, I am too weak, she is too beautiful, I am too cute... she made for the perfect Madame. I made for the perfect worker. Never more, never less... why couldn't that be enough for you, Inuyasha-san?

I flipped around rather abruptly to snap my eyes shut, stinging tears hurt me so but never shamed me into leaking out...

"Kaoru," he pulled his arms down to around my waist then yanked me back to him, "I'm kidding. I know it's you."

"Liar," I muttered so low that if it weren't for his cute square ears he wouldn't have heard it. And even if that was a joke it was as far from being funny as possible...

"I do," he murmured into my ear, "you get so mad when I call you her name yet you keep tellin' me I can."

"You can..."

"But you don't want me to."

But it doesn't matter what I want! I yearned to yell that at him, instead I bit my lip until I could steady my voice, "it is all up to you, Toashi-san."

"Goddamn it, Kaoru," he groaned before propping himself up on his arm, "look at me."

I refused.

"Kaoru," he snapped as he grasped my chin and tilted my head so I was facing him, "or should I just keep calling you Kikyou? Because it doesn't matter, it's all the same, right? Neither of those names or your real name, so what's it matter?"

"You don't get it!" I shouted with utter frustration as I did something completely out of character for me, I grabbed the pillow off the western styled bed we laid in and slammed it against his face.

That's when her all important cryptic words came ringing back in my head '_he will forever be from a different world than us_', how true that is. So I gave up on anger, how could I be mad at a man that was destined never to understand the turmoil he caused within me? And I him? I let the pillow slide from his face and onto my stomach. He was just staring at me for a while, rather expressionless, without a peep. He is from a different world than me, he hasn't the faintest idea what Kagome means to me, he never will. He knows nothing about me, about my world, about the importance of Kaoru. Do you, Inuyasha-san?

Nothing was said as he leaned down to kiss me, I made a point not to respond as his lips migrated to my neck, "I'm sorry."

Pardon?

"Kaoru," he pulled away to look at me, "I…," he pressed his lips together; he had to care—right? Or else he wouldn't have such a struggled look on his face, like he was fighting for the right words, yes… yes, so Inuyasha-san and I are from a different world, so we always will be, that does not mean he cannot care for me. So I raised my hands up to cup his face, his eyes searched within mine for something. He must have found it because he returned his lips to mine with full force.

Gods, you failed me the one night I needed you most.


	6. Mirage

**{ | Confound : Chapter 6 | }**

**||.Mirage.||**

"Kagome-chan," Sango-chan dragged out rather wearily, winning my full attention almost instantly and she knew it, too. "Eri-chan says that you weren't in your room at all last night… that you did not return until early this morning. Now you have been humming that tune to yourself the entire time we've been out…"

So, what was I doing last night? That must be what she was getting at. I hadn't thought I was acting so joyous but I suppose the humming would have given me away but… I had such a lovely night with Inuyasha-san, I couldn't help myself. Nevertheless, I bit my lips together and looked away from Sango-chan as we continued our trek through town after another outing to get a package from Kagura-san.

"You saw him last night, didn't you?"

I couldn't lie to Sango-chan, I hated to lie, and particularly to someone that cared so much about me. Someone I trusted, that I knew would not go rat me out to Kikyou-sama, so I took a breath and spent a majority of our time heading back confessing to it all. I even admitted to one or two incidents in the coat closet, it had been weighing down my already heavy chest—though; it was no longer, thanks to last night. It took me so long that we stopped at a tea spot not too far from the Shikon.

"Kagome-chan, you fool! What were you thinking?!" I could take, anger was to be expected, and it was a simple emotion that tended to pass—especially when it came to Sango-chan. That's why what I received in exchange was so hard to bare that all my good will vanished as if it never came, the burden that I thought I had gotten rid of pounded down worse than it originally had been.

You see, she had her brows bent but not furrowed; her lips creased into a frown, the sorriest look emanated from her mahogany delights… she should be mad at me, she should scold me about how idiotic I have been, perhaps even give me a slap on the wrist. I simply could not take the pity she felt for me, that she didn't even try to hide.

I knew I was in trouble when that took precedent over frustration…

"Kagome-chan… I knew this day would come," she sighed lightly before looking to the hot cup of tea in her hand.

"What does that mean…?"

She pressed her lips together before managing to look at me once more, "you don't understand the way the world works. You try to see the best in everyone and thus cannot see what that bastard is really doing."

"You do not know h—"

"Has he told you he cares for you, Kagome-chan?"

I swallowed a wince, no, Inuyasha-san has not.

"Has he told you that you are special, Kagome-chan?"

I looked away, blinking rapidly, no, Inuyasha-san has not.

"Has he just praised you with compliments, then? Is that where you are getting the idea that he cares for you? Kagome-chan, does he tell you how adorable you are? How pretty you are? How good you are? How sweet? Is that it?"

I had to shut my eyes… no, Inuyasha-san, you never praise me. You have never told me that I was pretty, that I was cute, that I was sweet, you never tell me anything like that… You mention that the sex was 'good' 'better' or 'we shouldn't do _that_ again' but never have you praised me for something other than what is my job to do, what you pay for me to do.

"Kagome-chan," Sango-chan whispered as she scooted on the bench closer to me to place a hand on my shoulder, "I care for you, so I do not say this out of spite, but to help you, you know that, don't you?"

My hand inadvertently rose to cover my mouth before I nodded; Sango-chan told it like it was. That was how she functioned… and in all the time that I have known Sango-chan she has had the skill to label a man as he is after a short conversation. She is always right, too. So why did my soul wish to feud with her this time? I was going to protest, I was going to tell her she knew nothing about Inuyasha-san even though all that she had said was right, even though all she said almost ripped out my heart because of the truth that lie behind each and every word, but then she stabbed me straight through my already bleeding heart.

"Kagome-chan, he only took you out last night for cheaper sex, he only takes you to the closet for cheaper sex… it is not because you are special," I could tell from the weak whisper she spoke in that it did not bring her any joy to dawn this dreadful bit of information upon me, for that I was thankful…

"No," I muttered behind my palm, "no… he still paid for a room last night."

"At Hidoi Herutsu? Kagome-chan, the restaurant is nice there, I hear, but the rooms are fairly inexpensive. A night out for dinner and then to head up stairs… would still be half the price it would be at the Shikon."

"But Inuyasha-san has a great deal of money," I sped out in something of a cry fused scream.

"And it is always those with the most that are the most tightfisted with what they have. Perhaps," then she stopped.

Was it true, Inuyasha-san? Was it? Why did I believe it so? Why did it make so much sense?

It did. It truly, truly, terribly, did. You never did a thing to make me think that _I_ was special, you have never said a word to endorse that, you really have not… it was all in my head, it was what my wayward heart beckoned for. I made moments up, I made motivations for your actions up to explain what I wanted, to justify... what was forbidden, what I have never had, what I thought I never wanted… Inuyasha-san, Sango-chan is right, isn't she?

"What…?" I choked before being sure that no tears were about to fall so I could look over at my worried friend, "please… tell me."

The weakest nod was given to me in return before she summoned a breath, "perhaps… it is a game to him. To see if you will see him outside the Shikon, to… you know."

One of those two must be true. _Must_ be, because… if I was important he'd at least have mentioned I was cute, at the _very_ least that I was not hard on the eyes… yet he never has.

Inuyasha-san, you have only ever mentioned love in concern with Kikyou-sama.

Inuyasha-san, you say that you do not want me to be her—is that because I am not good enough to be an imitation?

Inuyasha-san, you made me be Kagome.

Inuyasha-san, you broke Kaoru.

Inuyasha-san, you have no idea what you have done to me, what you have ruined, all my hard work to create the perfect protection, to guard the only thing that was _mine_.

Inuyasha-san, please, please, please, somehow hear my cries…

Inuyasha-san, please never return to the Shion.

I am a terrible person… I mean not to be, but I would not mind anything happening to Inuyasha-san at that very moment if it meant he would not return… so he would not shatter what was not yet fixed.

Inuyasha-san, I'm sorry.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Four days went by, four days without a sign, two days of joy, two days of worry that her prayer had finally been heard by the gods. That they made up for their refusal to protect her one night by granting her only ill thought towards him...

The fifth day came and he and his violet eyed friend entered the establishment without a scratch—for a moment she allowed herself to be relieved to see him. Then Sango's words came crashing down, the words that had haunted her for every moment she was awake… the words that rang true in her soul. She had not meant to stare at him, she was simply thinking about how foolish she had been, but his glimmering golden gaze caught hers and she lost the ability to breath.

With hast, she looked away and moved about the crowded room as quickly as she could until—thank the gods, _finally_—she ran right into the only one that could save her. The one she had been wanting to see for the past four days, the one that she needed because… she had not been able to summon Kaoru back. She had… not been able to for the past four active nights…

"Kouga-san!" Kagome cried when she noticed it was his chest she bumped into rather abruptly, "I am so sorry I did not—!"

A good hearty chuckle stopped her, "don't worry, Kaoru-chan, this is perfect, I was just looking for you."

That lifted Kaoru's heart, and thus, made it so that Kagome could smile, "Kouga-san, I am pleased to see you, too."

His smirk of a smile rose up on his lips, "that's always good to hear, now—"

"Kaoru," he said her name brilliantly, the name that he made mean nothing, as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him.

"Hey," Kouga snarled, "Kaoru is mine tonight."

"Have you talked to the Madame about that?" Inuyasha scoffed back with a narrowed gaze, "that's what I thought."

"Why you damn mutt," he growled between clenched teeth, his has balled up just as Inuyasha's did.

Now, most girls might get a kick out of watching two men fight over her but Kagome did not, she rather hated it so when they started a mild match of vulgar remarks and Inuyasha's grasp weakened she wiggled her way out of it without him noticing and took a few steps back. Then, to her heart's delight, she saw a familiar nervous boy sitting at the bar.

"Hojo-kun!" She smiled ever so brightly when she made her way to him, right away his expression picked up, "it has been too long!"

"Kaoru-chan!" He chimed back with a chuckle, "it has, I have missed you."

"And I you," she assured, Hojo had been her second most regular client for almost as long as Kouga, he was a bit young so he had only came of age when he first started to see her. She was not his first pick, his first time was spent with Eir, but he had wanted to ask Kagome and mentioned that to her often after he finally got to see her on a fairly standard basis. "What has it been? Two months now?"

"Yes, I am sorry to say, but I have been away."

She nodded, still with a smile before her eyes migrated back to where the wolf and dog still fought, "Hojo-kun, I am free thus far tonight, would you like to change that?"

"Kaoru-chan," he murmured rather meekly before the innocent, nervous, smile that she did adore appeared, "I was hoping to do just that, but I thought that Kouga-san had—"

"No," she swore, "not yet, why don't we go find Madame Kikyou?"

And that's exactly what they did.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

Toashi-san and Kouga-san arrived, clearly still fighting over who would get to purchase me for the night, right as Hojo-kun finished his transaction with Madame Kikyou. I made it a point to move away from them to stand with Hojo-kun in between us.

"Madame!" Kouga beckoned right away, earning him my Madame's full attention.

"Oh, Kouga-sama," her eyes lingered on Toashi-san before she said his name, too, "I am sorry if you are here about Kaoru-chan, Hojo-sama seems to have beaten you."

Both their eyes widened rather quickly that's when I looked away and towards the stairs, I could feel Hojo-kun inching away. I am sure he dislikes conflict; he's such a bleeding heart type, after all.

"Hojo-kun," I whispered, "let's go."

It wasn't until I started to walk away that I dared to glance back, Kouga-san had given up, he accepted that that was just how it happened when you did not plan properly, but Toashi-san… looked very mad… and mad at _me_.

"K-Kaoru-chan," Hojo-kun began as he closed the door behind me, his eyes fixated on the ground, "I… have a special request for tonight…"

"Anything, Hojo-kun," I did very much liked Hojo. Wait, no, let me rephrase that, Kaoru very much liked Hojo. That was why I was so certain that he could bring her back. I ever so desperately needed her to come back…

"I am… getting married."

"Hojo-kun, that is wonderful, congratulations!" I was happy for him, truly, he deserved a good wife and I hoped that for him but… Hojo-kun was my age, and he was getting married… I just shook it off; Kaoru would never even bother with such a thought.

"Yes, thank you," he weakly chuckled, "so this will be the last time I come here, at least the last time I come upstairs… I want to be a loyal husband, Ayumi-chan is very sweet and I like her a great deal."

Hojo-kun, what a gentlemen, "that's wonderful but… it does make me a bit sad to hear, Hojo-kun."

Not many were so kind to me as Hojo-kun, and as I have stated before, in the catagory of people I actually enjoy seeing he and Kouga-san were all that were left. Now I was to only have Kouga-san?

A smile broke through his anxious façade, "me, too, Kaoru-chan. So, I have a very… maybe strange? But important request for tonight…"

"Anything, Hojo-kun, I would like your last time to be a pleasant one."

"Thank you, Kaoru-chan, I knew I could rely on you." He bit his bottom lip briefly, "my wife-to-be is a virgin… and I would like our first night to be a special and enjoyable one for her, do you remember your first time?"

Vividly, "yes."

"Was the man gentle?" His brows furrowed, I knew it would upset Hojo-kun to know the truth so I smiled as always and lied.

"Yes."

"Then… do you think you could show me how to be with her?"

"Yes," I nodded, "Hojo-kun, I can. You are such a sweet man, I really do wish the best for you."

"You are the best, Kaoru-chan," Hojo-kun laughed before coming over to join me on the futon.

See, Inuyasha-san, Hojo-kun praises me. Even Kouga-san does, so why don't you? I hope to never know… I hope you do not return. Please, please just don't…

I can't take it anymore.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Triumphantly, Kaoru made her return, thanks to Hojo. To her dismay, it seemed that it would only last a night. It was only a few moments after the Shikon opened when he returned the next night. For once she did not notice right away, Sango nudged her to make her aware that he had returned.

His gaze didn't even search for her, he just went straight to the back table where all the elites were welcomed to—the one that Madame Kikyou could always be found at—and sat down.

An hour went by and the Shikon became crowded, another ticked away and he was still with her, another faded away and old Sotaku decided that Kagome would do for the night since his usual girl had the night off. It took a great deal for her to make sure Kaoru did not falter, that she did not sigh when she was rather harshly ordered by Sotaku to come with him to see the Madame.

Not once did she allow her hazels to hover on the silver haired man that sat right next to Madame Kikyou at the table as Sotaku made his announcement and first attempt to bargain the price down—some did that, no one ever won against Madame Kikyou, though.

"Oh, Sotaku-sama," Kikyou began with her usual grand candor, "I am sorry to tell you that Kaoru-chan has already been purchased tonight."

She had?

"What?" Sotaku scoffed, "by _who_?"

"Me," Inuyasha replied with perfect cool, his golden gaze locked upon the girl that would not look at him.

"Fuck," Sotaku cursed, "you should have taken her from the start so I would have known she was not available!"

{ | x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I have a goal, and I must say I was almost a bit excited as Toashi-san led me up to my room. Not to be with him, not that I was going to lie with him after a week—the longest span of time since we met—of freedom. I was eager to achieve my goal because I've never really had one. I hadn't thought of this one, Sango-chan came up with it as we spoke early, I had to make sure while I was with Toashi-san that I felt nothing. I would be certain to focus on something else, to become Kaoru.

If I did that, if I could succeed at that, then all would be fine again. All would be right.

"Take off your kimono," he ordered shortly after we entered my room, it was… truly typical. Not just generally, not with all men, but with him. He often stood at the closed door, I was near my futon, then he'd request—no, demand—that.

I had let the most marvelous mirage form from the heat of my diluted desires. It was all in my head… but I finally see that, from you cool façade, from the way you glowed beside my Madame, the way you look at her… the way you will never see me.

But that's fine, I'll get over it, by fulfilling my goal… I'll be fine then, I promise.

As always, his eyes evaluated each inch of my body as I exposed it. I allowed my eyes to follow my hand, I'd rather not look at you, Inuyasha-san, I hope you understand.

I felt him in front of me once I was finished, his hand floated under my chin but then moved away, "take mine off."

That was actually a fairly rare request from him, but not unheard of. I knew how to undo his western style wardrobe with ease; I've done it so many times with others.

"Lie down."

I did but he did not come to me, he just looked over me before he went to the window and opened it. The moon was near its peek but so slender, the stars shined brighter. He lingered there for a while before he spoke again, "tonight… I think I'm going to… call you…"

Her name, so I was decent enough to be an imitation. Kaoru wasn't hurt by that…

"You can all me anything you want, Toashi-san," she assured him, with a very steady voice. His eyes lingered over on me before he nodded and waved his hand for me to come over to him.

As always, as for every man, I did. Kaoru did.

We simply stood there for a moment before he grabbed me and jerked me against the wall next to the window—no. No, no, no. It was always the sky that Kaoru used to ignore what was going on, what now? The ceiling? Should I stare there, count the panels? Or the floor?

I bit my bottom lip to keep from making any bit of noise as he entered rather prematurely, I was dry and it _hurt_.

It hurt, it hurt… he hurt. But he stopped and I didn't show the pain still, he switched our position to the floor—not the futon, the hard wooden floor.

Was Toashi-san always so aggressive? Did I misunderstand it before as passion?

It… hurt, but I was able to see the window from my angle.

One star.

A pump in, a pull out, a grasp of my bottom to jerk me closer.

Two stars.

He sped up to double his pounds.

Three stars.

I let out a mild moan to make sure he thought I was paying attention. He let out a few grunts.

Four stars, five stars, six stars, seven stars...

In the end, what more mattered?

In the end, Kaoru took over.

{ | **x** o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x** | }

"That was," how he started almost every sentence after intercourse, it was the next word that changed off and on, "fine."

"I am glad," she took a breath, "that you enjoyed yourself, Toashi-san."

"Last night," he muttered, "did you enjoy yourself?"

A few breaths went by before she bothered to reply, "as much as any other night, Toashi-san." She couldn't lie, her eyes scanned over his stoic expression a few times as he nodded, not a flinch, not a scowl, had she just imagined he looked mad? Perhaps it was a game, perhaps he simply hated the fact he lost the night before. Nevertheless, the words she hadn't meant to slip out… did, "Hojo-kun is a nice man."

"Hojo-kun?" He mused, "is it because he's the same age that he gets to be 'kun'?"

"It sounds right," she confirmed before turning over on the futon—which she made the point to move to after he finished—to look at him as he sat beside her, his eyes fixated in front of them.

"Keh," he scoffed, "when's your next night off?"

She knew the answer to that rather quickly, she had planned it, "I do not know."

That was when his eyes finally moved to her, "when's your next night off?"

"I do not know."

"When—?"

"I do not know, Toashi-san!" With a breath she covered her flustered mouth. She allowed her eyes to scan his as his narrowed gaze did hers, "it is improper, Toashi-san. It can never happen again."

"Why?"

Because she did not want to play the game anymore, she did not want to be a pawn, she did not want to… so she tried to turn the tables, "were you upset? Last night?"

Those golden glimmers that caught her attention even in the darkness moved to her, from her belly up his evaluating eyes migrated until they were on her hazels, "why would I be?"

She took a steady breath in.

"You're a brothel whore," the word had been applied to her a thousand times but never did it cause the air to lodge itself in her lungs, "it's your job. I pay for you, he pays for you, anyone pays for you. You service all of them."

"That's true," she managed to reply without a waiver, since, that was what she was.

"Again?" Was the only word spoken, as always, before she'd submit with a nod, because… that's simply how it went, he paid, she supplied.

It was pleasant, at least, that it started on the futon

{ | x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I am glad Toashi-san came that night, in a very off way. It really showed me… how lost I was. How much my mind had made up, how little I meant, how…

"Hey," he beckoned me back once he finished putting his clothes back on, "when's your next night off?"

Truly? We are back to that now? I shook my head.

"Fine, be that way."

"I am simply following the rules."

"Now that matters?"

It was pointless, I needn't ask, I simply… wanted to know more than anything else, "I cannot imagine, Toashi-san, that your wife would be pleased that you spend time with a brothel whore," if I may use his words, "outside of a brothel."

I couldn't imagine she's happy to know he goes to one, she mustn't, any wife would be miserable. It's cruel really…

My gaze wondered to his before he shrugged and straightened his shirt, "she's just for show. You are better in bed than her."

Grand, grand, just grand, I am better than her. Well, I'm glad I can please Toashi-san so.

But both times I was 'better' than his wife I managed to focus on one thing or another. Both times he failed to really provoke passion within me—though, I pride myself in knowing that Toashi-san, just like every other man, did not catch onto that. Obviously, since I am better than his wife. Oh, well, what's it matter?

I am what I am, and I am very good at it. I was Kaoru when I was with him.

If I can be Kaoru with Toashi-san, I can be Kaoru always.

Congratulations to me.

I'll just give myself sometime as 'me', after he left. I gave myself sometime to cry like I haven't bothered to since I lost my innocence...

I'll be Kaoru tomorrow.

* * *

**A/N**: Really, thank you for all the reviews! I hope you keep enjoying the story. A little side note in the sentence: '"You can all me anything you want, Toashi-san," she assured him' I did mean to say 'she' (implying Kaoru) instead of 'I'.


	7. Mine

**| { Confound : Chapter 7 } |  
**

**||.Mine.||**

I ached the morning after Toashi-san left, for so many reasons, but I would rather just focus on the body pain. I had a few bruises from the floor and… I don't know how I am going to explain that to my client that night, perhaps I'll be lucky, perhaps I won't have one… I'd be stoic, either way, because I had Kaoru back. That's all that ever matters, as long as I have her, I'll find a way…

"Where have you been?" Sango-chan whispered to me once I sat by her at one of the empty tables. We'd just opened up, few show up right away.

"I've been around," I assured and spoke the truth, since I consider staying in bed all day was 'around'. Though, my dear friend didn't buy it, her brows were furrowed and a frown upon her face but I'd give her no other answer.

"He came last night, didn't he?"

"Let's not talk about it right now," I murmured.

She allowed that, thankfully, but it wouldn't have really mattered… within moments he walked in.

Truly? Two nights in a row? He's never bothered with that before and I swear if there was ever a time for him _not_ to do that it was now. I just wanted him to go see Kikyou-sama, I wanted him to stay away—far, far, far away.

Go back to your wife, Inuyasha-san.

At least he did half of it; he went to see Kikyou-sama but only spoke to her a moment or two before… he came over to me.

"Let's go upstairs," he beckoned.

I love life, regardless of the fact that mine was subpar I would never want to die but… a piece of me, a very small part of me, would much rather perish than go upstairs with Toashi-san. Another piece of me thought I might by simply going upstairs with him, if he planned to be anything like last night.

Despite that, I had to go upstairs. It gave me some joy to see Sango-chan giving him such a scowling glare as he took me away from her.

With each step up I felt pain, different types, but the one that I'd focus on was not the one that beat within my ribs. As always, I stepped in before him and he closed the door to lean against it. I had already begun to lift my hands for the request that would surely follow.

"Stay still," he whispered.

I did.

Kaoru kept my heart from speeding up while he walked up to me; he parted my hands away from my kimono before he started—slowly—to take it off for me. I focused on anything but him, the line of light from the door behind him or the sound of the door downstairs opening and closing followed by a new laughing, boasting voice.

Yet, above all of that, I could hear the sound of my silky kimono lightly fall against the ground. I could feel his hands roam my body before pulling me closer; I could hear his request, "look at me."

It was only because I had to that I did, right away his lips crashed against mine. He tried his best to part my lip but I did my best to make sure that didn't happen while we ended up upon my futon—a pulse of pain reminded me of the bruises. I hope he didn't treat his wife so...

"I have strict instructions tonight," he began after giving up on that endeavor.

"Anything, Toashi-san," I had to say. I am honestly not so sure how much I could take tonight, physically, of course. Emotionally I'll be fine because I had Kaoru to protect me, she'll protect me… I have faith.

"Will you tell me your name?"

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

She held back a sigh, "no."

"Then, stay still 'til I tell you otherwise," he ordered before moving down her body, a trail of nips and licks all the way.

Stay still, that was quite possibly the easiest request she had ever been given, particularly from him. She took his words literally, much to his dismay, when he tried to part her legs she refused, "how about this," he scoffed, "if I move a part of you, _move_."

She obeyed, opening up her nether regions for him, giving him full access. It took him little time to take advantage of that, she only mildly reacted when he began his venture. It was fine; he wanted to start slow anyway, to savor her taste before he lifted his thumb to aid by stroking her pearl—that finally got a response, just a small lift of her hips.

"Tell me your name?" He murmured.

"No," Kaoru should really feel little, many, many men had done just what he was… but the way his thumb worked over her, his tongue found the right spots, his free hand massaged her—she had to bite her lips and look to the window. It was only then that she noticed he hadn't opened it, that would explain why the room was so stuffy. Then her hazels moved up to the ceiling, the panels.

One, her body jerked up involuntarily. Two, her hands gripped the sheets she lied upon. Three, she pressed her lips together to keep from making a peep. Four, she tired her best but her breath became labored anyway. Five, she was close. Six, he stopped.

"Tell me your name?" he inquired once more, his lips now up upon her stomach; his handiwork had stopped leaving her cruelly close.

"No," she muttered. Why must he continue to ask?

He trailed up to her erected nubs to tease and taunt, his hand mimicking the same actions with her other. That she could have took with ease, it was the combination of his own stiffness rubbing against her below—always just about to penetrate before he pulled back. One, two, three times until she was finally pierced, just with what she had not expected, his two digits jerked around, in and out over and over.

"Tell me your name?" He requested while his lips were still against her neck. He must have been getting to her since she simply shook her head, "open your eyes."

She did, but this time couldn't seem to focus on how many panels made up her ceiling. She couldn't hold back a small almost inaudible moan as his thumb joined his already fervent finger. Regardless if Kaoru was present or not, she was still a woman, she still felt a sensation when touched below—sometimes more so than others. It was almost as if he had mapped out the spots that affected her most and hit them over and over and over.

Just like before, though, he stopped right as the twisted yearning began to build up in the pit of her stomach.

"Tell me—?"

"Never," she gasped, even if she didn't want to experience the full sensation with him… it was ever so irritating that he kept pushing her so close then pulling away. He had to be doing it on purpose. It was strange, why wasn't he pleasing himself? He could not get the release he desired from simply pleasing her?

No, he didn't, it was all he could do not have already plunged within her with his pulsing stiffened area in order to find the release he so desired but that would ruin everything.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she swallowed when the need finally started to die down.

"Sit up," he ordered, she did, and he moved behind her and yanked her into his lap.

No, he didn't get the release he needed, she got the feeling that he purposely made sure she was upon his erected member. Again, her legs were parted for one hand to work on her below, the other her breasts. It was subconscious the way she allowed her hips to move along with his hands, as if her body beckoned for the liberation he declined to give her.

"Tell me your name?" He inquired again as her back bent away from his body, her head pressed against his shoulder.

"No," she mumbled.

Right then he stopped everything, "you are difficult."

Nowhere near as problematic as he, she was sure, but couldn't really understand. It was cruel, it was vicious, but she knew he wasn't going to stop whatever game he was playing because…

She was simply a game to him.

Perhaps he would have, if he could hold back. Instead he guided her hips up then pulled her down, which finally got an unsuppressed gasp from her. Her hands grasped his legs right away before she leaned forward and he began to set the rocking pace. When he was sure she had that down his hands groped their way up to her chest.

That rising tension within the pit of her stomach came quicker than it normally would. The ripples that came from when she gave in to that need where almost enough to milk him but he held back a grunt and guided her forward so she was on her hands and knees.

He needed her. He wanted her but he couldn't just yet.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

It drove me _mad_. Absolutely, utterly, crazy what he was doing. It was brutal. To constantly take me so close to the edge yet pull me away right before I fell over it. What was he doing?

I took a deep breath as he pounded in, how is it that I did not please him enough the first time? After he let go of my hips I kept up the same pace, if not better, yet I could not release him? Was I failing? Was I not good enough from him now?

I gasped before shutting my eyes tightly, to keep my tears at bail. It felt good, grand, really he was the greatest at such a position. Out of all the men I have been with, many liked to do it from behind like he was but none could strike such a cord, such a perfect spot over and over again.

Gods, he was great. Where had Kaoru gone? Or could he just be good enough to trig even her to a climax?

A tear stripped down my cheek, while it might feel good—too good—it also felt terrible. Terrible for too many reasons, but I'd rather think that it was just the fact that I had yet to recover from my last experience with Toashi-san. That it had nothing to do with the breaking within my boned chamber.

I gave up on trying to stay up when my elbows gave in so I crossed them on the floor, "tell me," he grunted, "your name."

Why? I wanted to beckon but couldn't, "no."

He took me over the edge again but I didn't bring him with me. How? Did I just not entice you anymore, Toashi-san?

Not once did he stop his assault, all the while guiding me while I was yet to return to the 'now' before he had me on my back, "open your eyes."

It took me a while to manage that. Before, it was easier because I didn't have him looming over me. Those glimmering golden eyes gazing down at me, intently, all the while, "keep your eyes on me," he told me when I tried to look to the ceiling.

It was impossible…

"Tell me your name?"

I tried my best to figure out how to say 'no'—how could the tension already begin to build up again within me?—but I couldn't find my voice.

His hand that wasn't taunting my rear found my hand that wasn't upon my forehead and grasped it, interlacing our fingers as he pushed a bit deeper to trigger a moan from me.

"Tell me your name?"

He squeezed my hand, his lips trailed along my collar bone, up to my neck, to my ear, "_tell_ me your name."

His other hand grasped me closer to him, he was so close to losing it and he'd bring me along with him again… _again_.

"Tell—"

"Kagome!" I groaned.

And just like that, he released within me while whispering to me what no man has ever, "_Kagome_."

It took a while after that for him to roll off of me. Silence took over us while the aftershocks waved about before he must have come down so he could drape an arm around me and pull me close, his forehead rested against my shoulder. He panted to retrieve his steady breath, just as I did.

"Kagome," he murmured upon my shoulder. Each syllabus seemed to dance about, it was divine. I hated how it made me feel. "Tell me, when's your next night off?"

I shouldn't reply. I shouldn't tell him more. I gave away so much to him and he didn't even understand it.

My _name_. Me. Who I was. Who I never wanted to be when I was with a man... I gave that to him. I gave me. All of me, more of me than I had ever meant to… I failed. Completely.

I could never be Kaoru again with Toashi-san and… if that's true, what did it matter if I could be her with any other man? I had not broken the golden rule… but I am so close to it.

Toashi-san, why do you do this to me? Why do you torment me?

"Kagome," he kept up, breaking a piece of me bit by bit each time he said it, "when's your next night off?"

"In two nights," I sighed.

I gave him the most important thing to me, so what did it matter if I gave him another night? And another? And another? And another…?

"Your mine, then," he muttered to me.

I am yours, Toashi-san.

I am yours and you can never be mine.


	8. Mercy

**| { Confound: Chapter 8 } |**

**||.Mercy.||**

"What are you? Jealous?" Inuyasha snickered as he slammed his fists upon the table; it was all he could do to restrain himself as his golden glare locked upon the beauty before him.

"You know that hasn't anything to do with this," the marvelous Madame retorted with her arms folded ever so tightly upon her chest.

"Then _what_ could it be?"

The most divine sigh left her naturally pink lips before she shook her head, allowing her fallen ponytail to brush up against her bare shoulders each time, "Inuyasha, please try to comprehend what you are doing."

"I know what I'm—!"

"No," she stopped him with a simple, silent yet stern word that made him sizzle all the more at her, "you haven't the faintest idea. You do not understand any of us here, you shall never, please do not ask such a thing of me again for my answer will remain the same."

It was remarkable how he could be standing there fuming, spouting out words he should never in front of a woman, yet she could just stand there without a flinch. That only soothed him slightly as he took a deep breath, "I know what I'm doing."

She shook her head lightly once more, "please stop, Inuyasha."

"Kikyou," he murmured as he reached out to place a hand upon her upper arms, "it could be you—"

"In another life," she whispered, she raised her hand up to cup his face, their eyes intimately interlocked, "in another life… but not in this one, never in this one. Please understand, it could never be. Try; _try_, to see how that does not apply only to me. You have to cease, Inuyasha."

He lifted a hand up to grasp one of hers, "just allow it this time. Kagome—"

It was abrupt and more than enough to make him lose his voice. She stepped away, ripped her hand from his and her mildly pleasant façade faded into nothing—then her hand collided with his face. None of the times he had been slapped before had hurt so. He lifted a brow as he rose one hand to his reddened cheek, "what? You _are _jealous?"

"You haven't the _faintest _idea of what you are doing, do you? You are so blind by your self-righteous behavior that you can't see what you are doing. Do you? How dare you, Inuyasha," she turned around, readjusting her shawl to cover her shoulders once more before heading for the stairs, "leave, I will not give you what you want."

"Kikyou," he beckoned before she was more than two steps up, "I don't want to use this… but you aren't leaving me much of a choice. I know people that could make it very difficult for you to do what you are doing…"

It stopped her just as he thought; her hand that had lifted her dress so she would not stumble upon the bottom part as she walked only gripped the fabric more before she turned around and deceased. She appeared to almost glide as she came up to him, "you are threatening me, then, Inuyasha?"

"I don't want to but you are—"

"You fool," she whispered, her brows furrowed as she lifted one of her delicate, flawless hands to grip the beaded necklace he almost always wore beneath his wardrobe. Swiftly, she yanked it to break the thread the held it all together.

The simple thuds of the purple and white beads echoed about them as their eyes locked; one fiery with intensity, the other wide and stunned.

"Fine, fine…" she whispered before turning away, "leave, I wish not to see you again."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

I prayed he would not show tonight, even though doing so has never done a thing for me but I could still hope… I had given too much of myself, I had given all of myself and now he was expecting me to go to him tomorrow night though in his haste to leave after our final encounter last night he hadn't told me when or even where? If he did not show tonight—how could he? Three nights in a row would simply be too much—then I would have a fine excuse for not showing. I didn't want to… for the most part.

Kouga-san had appeared that night but had yet to find me, he lingered at the tables laughing and drinking with his friends like he did most nights. At least I know that if Toashi-san did show up, I would most likely end up with Kouga-san. If I begged Kikyou-sama enough she would give me to Kouga-san even if Toashi-san bought me first, I'm sure. She'd protect me.

"Hey," I froze before taking a deep breath, how did he get in without me noticing?

"Bonjour, Toashi-san," I muttered back as my gaze stayed before me. I had been leaning against the bar most of the night, I didn't feel like playing the flirting game and if I got in trouble with that so be it.

"What?" he replied, I imagine he cocked a brow.

"It means 'hello', it's French, Kikyou-sama has been teaching me some," I replied, my gaze wondering over to Kouga-san.

"Kikyou speaks French?"

"She's fluent in English," it helps a great deal when we get English officials in, "and is learning French."

"_Why_?"

Why don't you go ask her, Toashi-san, and leave me alone? I held back a sigh, "I do not know."

"I can't stay the night," I held my breath, hoping with all my fragmented heart that he was not going to request that I head to the closet with him, "so I'll only stay for a drink."

Thank you, Gods.

"I see Kouga's here again," he scoffed after ordering his sake, "he's infatuated with you, he's probably going to buy you tonight, huh?"

"It is likely," and I hoped he would. Kouga-san was _gentle_ with me, even though few would think such a thing after a look at the rough demon. I needed a gentle night, I really, really, did.

"Do you fake it often when you are with him?"

"Toashi-san," I scolded, finally bothering to turn my head to look at him, "you ask very improper questions."

"What?" He inquired with the most innocent look, I really don't think he thought there was anything wrong with what he just said, "you have to fake it sometimes, don't you?"

All the time, including when I'm with you, Toashi-san, "I am not going answer such indecency."

He rolled his golden orbs, "come with me," he beckoned as he grabbed my wrist and led me through the crowd. My heart quickened as I saw we were getting to the closet, then slowed as we passed it.

Then stopped all together when I noticed we were at the table Kikyou-sama could always be found at. He bought me, though I noticed quite the cruel stare that Kikyou-sama gave him as they spoke, and led me upstairs.

I can't take another time—three in a row with him? No. Then tomorrow…? Four? How could I take that?

"I thought you said you couldn't stay, Toashi-san," I couldn't help but sigh as I ended up where I always did—right by my futon—and he lingered at the door.

"I can't, I just can't stand Kouga coming up here with you instead," he muttered before running a hand through his long sliver locks, "I need you to be at your best tomorrow, anyway. Rest the best you can with that annoying noise from below, alright?"

He was… serious. Had he truly just bought me to make sure I would not be taken by Kouga-san? What did that mean? I would love a night of freedom, a night where I could lie on my futon and fall asleep. Was he really giving me that? I guess he was, since he slid up the door to my room to leave before stopping.

"Oh, right, I came here to tell you to meet me at the same place tomorrow morning, got it?"

"Morning?" I mumbled.

"Morning," he confirmed, "I'll see you then, Kagome."

He was gone. Just like that.

My brain was battered with questions of what was to happen tomorrow, why he did what he did, and so much more but… that didn't stop me from falling into a soundless sleep soon after I lied down.

{ |x** o **x **o** x** o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x **o **x | }

The next morning she lingered in front of Hidoi Herutsu, it didn't seem to take as long as the last time she was there before he showed up, bought a room, and led her up the stairs. It was fine; she accepted what was to soon follow. She found a way to justify it before she let slumber take her the night prior… he paid for last night yet did not use it. That made it fine, right…?

"Did you sleep well last night?" He inquired as he closed the door behind them.

"Yes, I did, thank you, Toashi-san," she replied before sitting down on the western styled bed, her eyes locked on his as he set a fairly large box he had been holding down on the ground before he walked over to her, grabbed her chin lightly, and lifted it so that she was looking up at him.

"Inuyasha, today," he requested before sitting down next to her, her eyes following him the entire time.

He leaned closer to her, their lips barely apart, but unlike the many times before she didn't close the gap so he placed a hand behind her head, with his fingers interlaced with her ebony waves, and made it so their lips met. It was then, when she allowed his tongue to part her lips, that she gave up on trying to resist him, trying to deny what her heart beckoned for.

Gently, he pushed her upon the bed and worked on getting her yukata off, her hands moved about him to remove his buttoned vest then the shirt below it. Her forwardness seemed to only encourage him as he parted her legs to press against her, still with his pants up, just to show her how at least a part of him missed her.

Their tongues tangled as his hands roamed her bare body freely, one pulling her closer from behind, the other massaging her bosom that propped up so perfectly for him to press his chest against. It was during a gasp of air that her hands found a way to get at un-buttoning his pants. He aided in her endeavor and kicked his pants off then the rest of his clothes. His lips left hers to roam down her cheek, to her neck, to her collarbone, to her breasts.

Her hands gathered locks of his hair within them as she let out a soft moan—what was the point in trying to pretend like it didn't please her? One of her hands began to work on his ear, mistakenly at first until she released the way it affected him—a bit of a moan vibrated against her skin from her—then she did it with full focus.

It was then that one of his fingers headed down to prepare her for his entry; she jerked up at first then began to move her hips to work with him. For the first time she actually seemed to be working _with_ him, fully, completely, and it brought him to an ecstasy that he hadn't expected as he plunged into her.

She gasped, before getting back to the right rhythm with him, her arms wrapped around his neck and their lips met to mingle together as well.

It was a brilliant experience for the both of them. Both times.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"What are these?" he mumbled against my skin as I lied upon my belly, hugging one of the many pillows in my arms, my face turned away from him.

"What are what?" I retorted rather weakly, just now regain myself from our rump in the sheets. Then I figured out what he was talking about, I could feel his claws lightly outline the bruises that had yet to clear up. To tell him the truth or not…?

I prefer the truth whenever I can, perhaps it would even bother him to know the truth. "The other night… when we were on the floor instead of the futon…"

I needn't say more, he understood I gathered from the feeling of his lips upon my skin, "we won't do that again, then."

I hope that's the truth, Inuyasha-san.

"You were rather rough that night, Inuyasha-san," I muttered as I felt his weight leave the bed.

"Keh," he replied, I heard him gather his clothes and put them back on but after he was done he walked over to my view and said, "we won't do that again, then."

I hope that's the truth, too, Inuyasha-san.

"I have something for you," he grabbed my attention rather quickly with that remark. He picked up the box that he had arrived with and came over to me; I rose up to sit with the sheets in a pool within my lap. That was where he placed the box before kneeling before me, "open it."

All I had to do was remove the top of the plain, white box. I knew my eyes widened when I saw what lied within it, hidden behind pink tissue was the most beautiful indigo colored, white laced dress I had ever seen. There was even a pair of white stockings and shoes to go with it, too. I extracted it to examine it closer, it was made out of such divine fabric it felt grand to the touch, "this is for me…?"

"Yes," his lips curled to a smirk fused smile as he stood up, "I'd like you to put it on."

"Now?"

"Now."

I didn't see how it'd hurt, and I did want to try it on ever so badly. He sat upon the bed to watch as I pulled on the white dress that had a laced trim, it went below the indigo dress that exposed a V amount of the white dress, it had rather puffy short-sleeves but all the white lace was still showing.

"Do you need help?" He inquired, I guessed he was talking about tying it together in the back and I nodded. He rose up to do just that.

It fit perfectly, it was beautiful, it was the nicest gift anyone had ever given me… it was the first gift I'd ever gotten. It didn't look like something that a brothel worker would wear, it looked lovely, it was for high class woman… it felt wrong to wear it but… I adored it.

"Thank you, Inuyasha-san," I said breathlessly, I could feel tears at the rim of my eyes and tried my best to blink them away.

"What?" he rather quickly panicked as he walked around to evaluate me from the front, "do you not like it? I can—"

I think the tears most have been what threw him off but I shook my head as I lifted my hands to my lips, "no, Inuyasha-san, it is lovely. It truly is, it's just… just…"

"Wh-what?" he kept up as he weakly lifted his hands to pat my upper arms, "you look cute in it, you do." 'So stop crying' I could hear the implication in his tone.

That was it; I let a few tears drip out. He called me _cute_. He praised me.

"I," he choked, "isn't that a good thing?"

"Inuyasha-san," I dragged out before whipping my eyes free of water, "I have never received such a beautiful gift before. Thank you, really, thank you."

I don't think he got it but he nodded still, his eyes rather wide before he glanced to the clock in the room, "we got to go, come on."

We did? Where to? I didn't get the time to ask before we left the room and began to walk the streets of town. I honestly don't think anyone would recognize me when I was wearing such a nice outfit, perhaps another girl from the brothel but not any man I encountered there—maybe Kouga-san or Hojo-kun but that's it.

One of the nicer shops caught my gaze; there was the cutest white lace umbrella in the window along with a white hat to go with it. I didn't mean to gape at it, I didn't mean for Inuyasha-san to notice or stop us to go by the two items for me.

"Inuyasha-san," I began as he handed me the umbrella, "you didn't need—"

"It's fine, it's better this way," he assured, I'm not sure what he meant but I still let him place the hat upon my head. I felt a bit strange walking slightly behind him, like it was proper, in western fashion clothes. I don't believe I ever wore a hat before; I have tried on a few of Sango-chan's dress but… I was always meant to wear the eastern fashion. It felt very strange to be in a dress, it was so different from a kimono or yukata.

There was no obi to restrain my chest, it was easier to breath, but I also felt more exposed. A kimono or yukata went all the way to my ankles. The dress I wore went to my knees and even though I had white stockings to cover the rest of my skin I still felt… but what did it matter? I was a brothel girl, after all.

"Kagome, come on," he brought me out of my day dream as I looked up from my pretty umbrella that I had been spinning around—while closed—to him and what was stopped behind him.

"No," I stated quickly, "why are we here?"

"We're going to Osaka."

"No!" I have never been on a train, I have never left this area of Japan, but I knew that Osaka had to be a long ride away and I knew we would not be back before the night I had to return to work. It was just not going to happen.

"I bought you for tomorrow night; I already arranged it with Kikyou. She thinks that you are going to be with me outside of the Shikon," he explained before pulling out an envelope, "you can see for yourself."

And I did, I checked over and over again to make sure that he was telling the truth. Each time I looked at the simple letter I was more and more certain that Kikyou-sama had written it, each time I looked at it I was more and more certain that he was right… but that was against the rules.

"How did you convince Kikyou-sama…?" I mumbled as I handed the letter back to him.

He shrugged his shoulders as he tucked it back into his pocket and led me onto the train to the private area that he must have reserved just for us, "I paid double."

"So… Inuyasha-san, what's in Osaka?" I questioned after allowing that to set in, for some reason I was more than certain that that couldn't have been the case. I don't know how he convinced Kikyou-sama… but I know the Shikon made plenty of money and I knew that simply paying double would not be enough for her to break her sacred rules.

"You'll see," he mumbled before crossing her arms and leaning back in the seat, "wake me when we get there."

"Alright, Inuyasha-san…"

Let me say this, I don't understand at all what is going on anymore. Not even a little.

What are you going to do to me now, Inuyasha-san?


	9. Maritime

**| { Confound: Chapter 9 } |**

**||.Maritime.||**

I couldn't help but start to ponder as the train left the station if the dress I wore was his wife's. Was I the same size as her? Was that another reason Inuyasha-san was attracted to me? What did his wife think he was doing while the train trekked on towards our destination? Was she all alone, in their most likely grand home, staring out the window wondering just that? Did she feel the dread of him being with another woman…?

I felt truly sorry for her, I did.

I should be mad at him for doing that to another woman but when I turned my head to look at the dozed off man I only saw the most relaxed, charming expression upon his face as his head tilted more towards my shoulder, his lips parted slightly and a steady breath lifted his chest up and down. I am a fool; for I couldn't be mad at him.

Somewhere along the line I must have let sleep take me, too, because the next time I opened my eyes the sun had passed its peek and was edging closer and closer to the point when the sky would mix into the beautiful colors I loved to see… yet dread. It was a sign that work would soon begin but not tonight, I don't know what it foreshadowed for me.

"Oh my," I gasped rather giddily as I scooted closer to the window to look at the scenery that had just came into sight. The _ocean_! The blue, crisp, clashing water that I have never once seen in all my life was right over the green hills! I knew Osaka was by the sea, but I suppose I simply did not put two and two together.

"Hm?" Inuyasha-san muttered as he stirred for the first time, I think, since we got onto the train. Why did he have to sleep so much now? I couldn't help but wonder earlier; after all, he didn't spend the night with me… perhaps his wife kept him busy instead.

"The ocean, Inuyasha-san!" I gleamed before turning my head back to smile at him. After his golden gaze moved from the window to me he froze up for a moment, he went blank, then before smiling at me. _Actually_ smiling.

"I haven't seen someone make such a big deal of that in a long time," he commented before stretching to crack his back, "we're almost there."

"Almost where, Inuyasha-san?"

He just smirked then, "you'll see."

"Can we go to the ocean?" I inquired before turning to look at it the fading image as we entered the station.

"Sure," he cracked something else before the train came to a complete stop and he grabbed my hand to lead me out of the train, I retracted mine before anyone could see. Minimal contact was the most proper amount of contact, he should know that.

What were we doing in Osaka without even any luggage? I couldn't help but wonder as he led me away to a rather empty area just outside the station. It was beautiful; I know I've been saying that a lot but it was. We stood under a great deal of trees that sheltered us from the fading sun, just like my hat did; there was even a little garden around.

"Wait here a bit," he requested before walking away.

It was only then that I opened up my umbrella to twirl it around as I walked about the area. I knew I shouldn't be enjoying myself that much but… I was.

"What are you doing?" Inuyasha-san chuckled when he returned; it only stopped me momentarily so I could look to him.

"What are we doing here?" I retorted without ceasing to spin the lacy gift he gave me.

"Can you act like a proper woman?" He inquired rather seriously.

"I can," I believe he was the improper one out of the two of us, anyway.

"I mean a high-society _proper_ woman," he emphasized before he walked up to me, which, regrettably, meant I had to stop fiddling around with my toy. His hand reached out to cup one of my cheeks, "I need you to be on your best behavior."

"I can do that," I snapped slightly, "you are the improper one, Inuyasha-san."

That got a mild smirk from him, "alright, fair enough. You are going to be Watanabe Kagome from now until I tell you otherwise. I am Tsukino Inuyasha."

I tilted my head slightly, "what?"

"That's my real name, and as far as anyone else is concerned you are Watanabe Kagome. Do you understand?"

"Not even a little," I mumbled honestly before I raised the umbrella up to rest upon my shoulder, still I twirled it around.

"Fine," he sighed, "let me explain it this way. Until further notice, you are my fiancée, Watanabe Kagome," that stopped my heart, my breath, all of me, "I have a few facts that I need you to memorize before we get to my home, alright? Can you do that?"

I couldn't even talk, let alone really comprehend anything after the word 'fiancée', I think he must have understood that when I only could open my mouth.

"Kagome," he dragged out with a mild scoff, "it's not a hard concept. I need you to pretend to be my fiancée so my parents don't force me into an arranged marriage. They've been bugging me for a year now and said if I hadn't found someone by now to become my wife then they'd find someone for me. This is just temporary, obviously it's not really going to happen, they just need to approve of you and then it'd buy me at least another year."

It took a minute or two before my mind processed that, one brow rose, and then I sassed, "_you_ said you had a wife, Inuyasha-san!"

He cocked a brow, "when did I say that?"

"A few nights ago! The one when you were so rough! You said you had a wife but that she was just for 'show' and I was," but I bit my lip, we were in public and even though no one was around us it did not mean that someone couldn't overhear anyway.

"Oh," he nodded, shrugged, and then snarled, "you were pissing me off. You purposely went and got that kid to take you upstairs."

"You are cruel!" I shouted before smacking him on the head with my umbrella. I froze up right away, oh, no, I must have upset him but then he just smirked and took the lacy thing from me.

"Did it upset you that much to think I might be married?"

"You are cruel," I pouted before turning around and folding my arms upon my chest rather tightly.

"Sorry," he murmured into my ear from behind, placing his hands upon my arms, "almost."

I rolled my eyes before turning around to look him in his golden orbs, "so your parents are simply going to believe me when I say that I'm Watanabe Kagome and from some high class family…?"

"No, of course not, they hired a private investigator to verify all that I've told them but I intercepted him and paid him double to just return and tell them what I told him to," he really most have a great deal of money to be able to 'double' such large payments already. A night at the Shikon was not a cheap event, after all, and he did constantly go… I would rather not think about it.

"Wait," he stopped us before we even began, taking my left hand into his, "wear this."

I imagine my eyes shimmered as he pulled out a box from his pocket and took a pink diamond ring out to place upon my left finger. I suppose, even though it was not the traditional Japanese thing to do, since he preferred Western styled things it would only make sense that he would want to do that…

I fell in love with the ring right away, knowing full well that within a day or two I would never see it again… or him.

"No, Inuyasha-san," I protested once I found my voice, "if this is just for show then I cannot allow you to spend so much on a ring that—"

"Don't worry, it's a family heirloom," he soothed before shrugging and turning around, "I didn't spend anything."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

It was… like a castle by the sea, she shouldn't have been so shocked to see his family home was so dazzling, so immense, and so prestigious. The entire time they headed towards it was filled with the Watanabe family this and that, she was sure to focus hard upon all the facts, to memorize them, to amerce herself in what Watanabe Kagome was. It should be rather simple; she did not know who she really was so it would be simple to override the usual Kagome with another.

"Don't be nervous," Inuyasha whispered to her as they walked up to the door, "you'll do fine."

"Yes, Inuyasha-san," she mumbled back.

"Oh, one more thing, call me Tsukino-san while around my family."

Kagome nodded right as the door opened, a servant, she was sure, bowed her head to Inuyasha and her before they were allowed in.

"I will go tell Tsukino-sama you have arrived," she stated before walking away.

"You'll be fine," he assured her once more before she summoned the courage to have a brave front. Just in time, too, because two flawless looking demons walked out of one room to see them. Their golden eyes scanned over every single inch of Kagome before they looked to one another. Both had long silver hair, both had tattooed marks upon their faces, both looked beyond elegant, beyond simply high-society.

It confused her for a moment but she refused to allow that to show upon her face, but… two demons did not create a half demon. She knew that much.

"Watanabe Kagome?" The woman assumed with a small bow of her head, allowing her hair that was tightly pulled up to bounce only slightly.

"Yes, it is very nice to meet you," Kagome replied with a grander bow.

"I am Tsukino Inutaisho," the man declared with a bow of his head, as well, "I am glad to see that my son has finally gotten his act together."

Inuyasha gave a vivid roll of his eyes before scoffing something below his breath.

"I am Tsukino Shiori," the woman asserted, her eyes were the only ones that had yet to cease their scanning of her, "dinner is prepared, we hope you two are hungry."

With a nod she followed Inuyasha into the luxurious dining room that held a large oak table; there was plenty of space to separate each chair. Inuyasha pulled a chair for Kagome then sat across the table from her, beside his father. They spared a few pleasantries 'it's been a while, how have you been?' 'the weather is pleasant' and other completely impersonal questions as Kagome sat silently there, rather stiffly, glancing around the table.

Never before had she sat at such a gorgeous place, the fine china that lined the table—there was an extra seat, she noticed, still opened—was worth probably as much as one night at the Shikon and she couldn't even begin to wonder how much the décor coasted. Best of all, the window that was behind Inuyasha had a perfect view of the ocean. That was what she choice to focus on for a majority of the time before another man entered the room.

A pure blood demon, long, straight, faultless sliver locks, a crescent moon upon his forehead and the same tattooed marks at the elder Tsukinos. Not only did he look a few years older than Inuyasha but also far more mature, "Inuyasha, I see you have finally graced us with your presence."

"Keh, Sesshomaru," he muttered back.

"Boys, behave," their father requested before Sesshomaru took the only open seat next to his mother then the meal was served.

The. Greatest. Meal. Of. Her. Life. Oh, it was divine; she did her utmost to act as proper as she could while eating and she must have kept up appearances since no one stared at her. The family spoke about this and that, how Sesshomaru was doing well in his position within the Tsukino family business, how the father would like Inuyasha to take over a more prospering sector then the one in Kyoto, and other matters.

Kagome couldn't really judge the experience, she never had family dinners even when she was a child with a home but… she was still certain their family dinners were nothing like she had imagined they would be. Shouldn't they talk of other matters than work?

"You are Watanabe Kagome?" Sesshomaru asserted after breaking away from an argument him and Inuyasha had gotten into.

She nodded, "yes, it is a pleasure to meet you."

"I am Tsukino Sesshomaru."

"Nice late introduction, Sesshomaru," Inuyasha scoffed before taking his last bite of food.

"You should have introduced me to your fiancée already, Inuyasha," he shot back before his harsh golden gaze moved back to Kagome, "a human… that will dilute our blood further."

"Shut up, Sesshomaru."

"Boys," their father beckoned once more, "stop. It does not matter what Watanabe-san is."

Sesshomaru gave a subtle roll of his eyes before excusing himself from the table, Inuyasha then did the same with his father… leaving Kagome all alone with the mother.

"Tell me, Watanabe-san," she began as she folded her hands upon her lap, "do you enjoy living in Kyoto?"

"It is pleasant," she assured with a smile.

"Once you marry Inuyasha-kun you will have to move to Osaka, you will not have a problem with that?"

"No, not at all," particularly since it will never happen.

A rather weak smile rose upon Shiori's lips before she looked away, "would you like something to drink, Watanabe-san?"

A knot formed in her gut as she watched Shiori rose up an unopened bottle of wine, how could she refuse her 'future' mother-in-law?

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I giggled maybe too much as I skipped across the beach, my shoes in my hands and my stockings discard somewhere along the way.

"Kagome," Inuyasha beckoned to me from behind, "stop going so far ahead, you'll get lost."

"I love the ocean!" I declared as I twirled around, almost losing my footing but he caught me and pulled me into an embrace.

"Great," he grunted, "now how about we sit down?"

"Fine," I sang as he guided me to kneel down before him. I like this, tonight as the sun began to hide behind the end of the world the sky changed into a beautiful orange, purple, and pink fusion that didn't taunt me, it didn't tell me how I would soon have to go downstairs and play the part of Kaoru. Tonight, I would just have to pretend to be Watanabe Kagome, I could do that.

"How much did you drink?"

"I don't know at all," after the fourth glass everything became fuzzy. I'm proud of myself, though, I know I did not falter. Every question she asked me I answered in character.

When I could no longer see the sun, when the sky became illumined by only the stars, and the pretty blue ocean turned to a dark navy I looked over to Inuyasha…

"Inuyasha-san?" I awed before lifting my hands to grope his face, my eyes scanning over the auburns that stared back at me, "Inuyasha-san…?"

"Kagome," he dragged out before pulling my hands away from his face.

"You don't look like Inuyasha-san," I pouted before I pulled on his black hair, winning a grunt of annoyance from him. I didn't know that drinking so much could impair one's vision so...

"This is what happens when there's a new moon," he retorted before smacking my hands away again, "I turn into a human. It's the curse of being a half-demon."

"Nah-uh," I mumbled before raising my hands to his face again, this time just to cup it, my eyes wondering all about, he looked just like a human-Inuyasha I suppose… "do all half-demons do this?"

"I guess, I don't think everyone does on the new moon, though," he replied before leaning forward a little, "you did good tonight, Kagome."

"Thank you, Inuyasha-san," I replied as I leaned a bit closer.

"You can say just Inuyasha."

"Just Inuyasha," I mocked before our lips met and mingled together brilliantly. His hands grasped my hips to pull me into his lap, my arms wrapped about his neck before we eventually fell into the sand.

"Kagome," he chuckled lightly when we broke apart, "you have had a lot to drink, hm? I can taste the wine."

"Yes," I muttered back before pecking my lips against his, "I have a question."

"Go ahead."

"How do two demons make a half demon?" I inquired with ample space between each of my words before I rested my head upon his shoulder to stare up at the stars. I doubt they are different from the ones I can see back home but they seemed so much brighter… I bet it is because there is no moon to get in their way.

"They don't."

I figured as much…

"My mother was a human," he murmured into my hair, "Shiori is my step-mother, Sesshomaru is my half brother."

"But… isn't Sesshomaru older than you?"

"Why would you say that?"

"He looks far more mature than you, Inuyasha-san," I laughed and felt him squeeze me a bit, "it is completely true."

"Keh, whatever," he grumbled but I still had my victory, "yeah, he is. My dad was with Shiori before my mother came along… then he left Shiori for her."

Maybe that'd make more sense if I wasn't so drunk, "alrighty then."

He chuckled again, "you have had too much to drink."

"So?" I coaxed, pushing away from him slightly before wrapping my arms around him once more only to start up what we had been doing only a few moments ago. His lips left mine to trail down my neck, to my dress. I parted my legs so he could wiggle his way in, both of us were still clothed, but as we brushed against each other, pulled one another closer, I could feel him getting more and more excited.

Then my lips found his earlobe and he went mad with a moan. I licked across his ear, his breathe quickened, I sucked upon his lobe and he whispered my name. Before I could do anymore he broke away to look at me and even an intoxicated me knew what that look meant.

He helped me up, wobbly, and then picked up my shoes before leading me up the beach and back to his family's home. I think everyone was asleep; when we entered there weren't any lights on and not a peep stirred about. I tried my best to be quiet as he led me to my room. He helped me remove the indigo part of my dress so I was just in the white undergarment then set me upon the bed.

His lips moved along mine for a moment or two before he took a deep breath and got up.

"Where are you going, Inuyasha-san?"

"Inuyasha."

Fine, whatever, "where are you going…" oh, it was so hard but I managed a murmur, "Inuyasha?"

His grin grew but I barely noticed in the faint light, "tonight's your night off, right?"

I nodded weakly before turning on the bed to look at him with a pout.

"Then take it off, I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Oh, Inuyasha-san… I do not understand you at all.


	10. Mischance

**| { Confound : Chapter 10 } |**

**||.Mischance.||**

Oh my good gods I have never had such a headache in all my life. With each pound came another pang of pain, each time I tried to get out of bed I felt dizzy and woozy all at once. I don't really want to know how many times I emptied the contents of the greatest meal I've ever eaten into the toilet. At least all the proper toiletries were within the bathroom so I could freshen up after that. I wasn't quite sure what to do then… was I to wear the same outfit twice? That would surely blow my 'high-society' scheme right out the window—oh, the window.

Did I mention what a grand view I had? When I pulled the drapes to the side I could open the door to step out onto the patio to see the ocean. I think I love the ocean more so than anything. I would love to live in Osaka and take a walk on the beach every day, to feel the sand seep between my toes, to fee the brilliant breeze blow my hair, all of it. It was perfection.

It was heaven.

I enjoy myself too…

"You're awake," Inuyasha-san declared after opening the door without even knocking, though, I guess I should be thankful for that.

"Inuyasha-san," I murmured before I turned around to look at him.

"You look like hell."

I just glared before sighing and turning back to the window, that's _so_ rude.

"There's a closet full of clothes that should fit you, shoes, and other items, get dressed then come downstairs we have to…" he sighed, "suffer through another family meal."

"Inuyasha-san," I bickered a bit, "that's crude. You should be grateful that you have a family that wants to spend time with you and loves you."

I just heard the door close behind him as a reply.

I shook my head lightly before turning away from the window and towards the closet, opened it, and right away felt like a child in a candy store.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Eventually she came down in a green dress with a white collar attached. She sat at the same spot as the night before, with Inuyasha and Sesshomaru already arguing across from her. Sesshomaru was reading the newspaper, tilting away from his half-brother, as he shot him insults in retaliation for whatever nonsense Inuyasha was spewing.

It was cute in a sibling feud sort of way; she couldn't help but smile at the scene.

"Watanabe-san," Sesshomaru began, finally disregarded Inuyasha all the way, "why this fool?"

"Sesshomaru, shut the fuck up," Inuyasha scoffed, "got it? Leave Kagome alone."

"You are truly improper," he murmured, "calling your fiancée by her first name like that."

"He is very improper," Kagome had to put in.

"At least Watanabe-san knows that," was the last thing anyone got out before Shiori and Inutaisho entered to find their seats.

"I have decided," Shiori declared after breakfast—another greatest meal of Kagome's life; fresh fruits, foreign pastries, and so much more—was finished, getting all the attention right away, "that tonight we should bring Inuyasha-kun and Watanabe-san to the Tanaka-sama's party. That way we can show off the son that is never here and his wife-to-be."

"That sounds like a good idea," Inutaisho replied.

"Sesshomaru," Shiori smiled, "you will be attending tonight, too?"

"I have business to take care of today," Sesshomaru dragged out before sighing, "I'll try, if I must."

"You must," Shiori stated before excusing herself from the table, her husband followed suit shortly after, then Sesshomaru.

"I was really planning on leaving today…" Inuyasha muttered before getting up and giving a hand to Kagome, "I kind of anticipated this, though," hence why he bought her for the night, "I guess we'll push it off until tomorrow. We will get you back in time, I promise."

"Alright," she retorted before letting him escort her out of the room.

"So?" Inutaisho inquired, his golden gaze wandering from the dining room door to his wife, "Watanabe-san seems fine."

"Yes," Shiori shrugged as she picked up a file, "the private investigator did verify all that Inuyasha-kun told us… She is fine; it is a bit unfortunate that her family is all gone… but it doesn't matter too much anyway. He is only the second in line; it is only of vital importance who we finally get Sesshomaru to marry."

"True," Inutaisho nodded, "at least Inuyasha has found himself a wife. I hope it will settle him down."

"I have to say I was wary, your son's last…" Shiori shivered before grasping her arms around her chest, "it was a great deal like yours, isn't it?"

Inutaisho gave a rather weak glance to Shiori, "you are out of line, Shiori-san, remember your place in this house."

"As long as my son is the favored one in the end, I do not care about your past indiscretions," Shiori assured before turning her back to walk off.

"It does not matter what you think, Shiori-san, you are but a woman, remember that."

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I loved it. I loved every moment of the day, from roaming around on the beach again, to wandering through the streets of downtown Osaka, to… everything. It was quite possibly the most fun I had ever had in my entire life, and even though I shouldn't have been I was excited to go to the party that night. To pretend to be Inuyasha-san's fiancée, to pretend like we were in love, to pretend like I wasn't what I was…

I made sure to change into one of the nicest dresses within my closet, a maroon almost silky fabric that went down to my ankles. It was a very proper and pretty dress, if I do say so myself. I even put my hair up for the night and then grabbed a black shawl before heading out into the hallway to go meet Inuyasha-san once more.

To my dismay, Tsukino-sama was there waiting for me. Her eyes evaluating me before she took a few steps forward and looked down my body once more, "you have small hips… it will be a bit problematic for you to give birth to an heir but besides that you are fitting. I approve of your marriage to Inuyasha-kun."

I expected something more but she just nodded and walked away… ruining all my good joy all the while.

Because I would never marry Inuyasha-san… and even if—in some happy fantasy world that I will never see—I could I would _never_ be able to produce him an heir… I could never have a family. That never bothered me before, Inuyasha-san. Either way, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, pressing my lips together to try and regain my good cheer. It hurt all of a sudden, an ache, a terrible ache took over all the beating pleasure that once consumed me.

"Kagome?" Inuyasha-san called out from down the hallway, "you OK?"

"Yes," I smiled the best I could before regaining myself to walk over to him, "let's go."

"Let's go," he repeated before we headed out to the car—I had never ridden in one of those!—that waited outside for us to take us to a house that was bigger than that of the Tsukinos'—_was_ that possible?

I don't think I've ever been somewhere so crowded, either. It was splendid; it wasn't the crazy, chaos that the Shikon was always condemned to. It was a pleasant high-brow situation. One that I knew I would never experience again in my life.

"I hate these things," Inuyasha-san muttered to me between clinched teeth as he led me away from the crowd and to the dance floor.

"They can't be that bad," I countered before he placed a hand on my hip and then the other took my hand to lead me in the waltz—I think, I'm not sure about western dances at all.

"They are," he assured, still bitterly, "it just a bunch of morons rubbing elbows with each other, few people actually like anyone here."

"At least it's a nice atmosphere," I shrugged lightly before he twirled me, "Inuyasha-san!"

"It's part of the dance," he promised as he pulled me back to him, "and you are supposed to call me Tsukino-san in public, remember?"

"Tsukino-san," I corrected myself with a roll of my eyes, I could feel him pull me a little closer then.

"I heard Shiori talking to you earlier, she approves, huh? That's a rather big deal, I figured my dad would be the one to shrug it off and say 'fine' and then demand she do the same."

"Why do you say that?"

"She's… difficult," I could tell he picked his word carefully, "we have to mingle a little bit, let Shiori show you off to her friends, and then we can leave. I promise I'll get us out of here as quickly as possible."

"Tsukino-san," it felt so strange to say that, Toashi-san seemed more proper but… oh well, "is this right?"

"You're doing fine," he falsely assured me.

"No," I shook my head lightly; making sure to keep my voice so that only his ears could hear me, "I mean… to show me off like this when we aren't…"

"It's fine," he stated, "people say they are going to get married and don't all the time. I already figured out what to tell them when I come in a year or so to say the wedding is off."

I nod meekly at that… even though I told myself not to wonder, I couldn't help but do so anyway. He kept saying he was just 'buying himself time' but to do what? Was he looking for the perfect wife or was he waiting to convince a special someone to say 'yes'?

It didn't much matter, I hadn't the time to ponder for the rest of the night as Tsukino-sama tore me away from Inuyasha-san shortly after the song finished so she could do just as Inuyasha-san said. I don't know how often I had to smile and bow my head to a new person that night but I was a bit dizzy from all of it after she stopped the 'show and tell' and took my left hand.

"I see Inuyasha-kun gave you that ring," she muttered as she examined each pink diamond that laced the golden band, "hmph, do you know if you want a traditional wedding or a western styled one? Either way works fine."

"Uh," I choked before I got my hand back, "I do not know, it is up to Tsukino-san."

"What is up to me?" Inuyasha-san inquired as he came up to his.

"What type of wedding you two will have," Tsukino-sama explained.

"That'll be a while away, we needn't worry about that yet."

"Inuyasha," Sesshomaru-san stepped in before Inuyasha-san could take me away from Tsukino-sama like I could tell he meant to, "let me have a dance with your wife-to-be."

"No," he snorted.

"Inuyasha-kun," Tsukino-sama sang, "don't be like that. Go ahead, Sesshomaru. It's nice to see you showed up."

"Anything for you, mother," he countered before taking one of my hands and delicately leading me to the dance floor—I had to glance back to Inuyasha-san, who's eyes were barely on me before Tsukino-sama pulled him along to go say hello to another group of women.

"You look familiar," Sesshomaru-san declared after we started, thankfully it was a slow song and we needn't do anything more than sway.

"Do I?" I murmured—he had never been to the Shikon, right? I don't remember ever seeing him and I'm sure I would… probably. I held my breath as his golden hard gaze glanced about me.

"Ah," he nodded, "now I remember. You look like that woman."

I didn't ask even though I wanted to, it really wasn't my place to anyway.

"The last one that Inuyasha wanted to wed," I could feel myself squeeze his hand involuntarily as I looked away. Inuyasha-san has wanted another to marry—well, no, it wouldn't be 'another' since I'm not even someone he really wants to marry… just kept breathing, I just reminded myself that.

"I wager you two won't really marry," I closed my eyes, "I do not mean to upset you Watanabe-san," if you didn't then why even bother to tell me, Sesshomaru-san? "I just want you to be aware of what will most likely come to be. Inuyasha is a fool but a focused fool, he will continue to try and get what he wants even though it is pathetic."

It's alright… it's alright… because I _know_ that we will never wed. I know. I really do. I know…

Right as the song slowed to a stop, Sesshomaru-san and I took a step apart from each other and clapped for the band. I couldn't help but notice how Sesshomaru-san's stare never left me even when Inuyasha-san swopped in to steal me away.

"Enjoy yourself?" He chuckled lightly as we exited the mansion, "if you want we can walk back or I could get us a ride."

"Either way is fine," I replied as I adjusted my shawl to cover my shoulders, "it was not that terrible."

"_You_ don't have to deal with them all the time," he sighed; never would he know how lucky he was. I wouldn't mind having to deal with those events all the time if it meant I did not have to deal with a perverted man penetrating me each night. "You said something earlier today," he coaxed as he took my hand to lead me down to the beach. All the nice houses must back onto the beach, not that I didn't understand why. If I could have a home of my own I surely would love to have it by the sandy dreamland.

Still, I know I said I loved the beach but not in a dress that coast more than I did a night.

"I did?"

"This morning," he clarified, "that I was lucky to have the family I did."

"You are," I kept up, I don't care if he had constant tiffs with his brother, I don't care if his step-mother wasn't the friendliest person in the world, I don't care if his father and him didn't get along, he still had a family. A family that did not sell him into one of the oldest professions on the plant…

"Is that because you don't have one?" he took both of my hands to help me sit down upon the steps that lead to the beach then began to take my shoes off for me. It was silly, we had had _sex_ for heaven's sake but I still think I blushed as he lifted my ankles and gently pulled off some of the finest shoes I have ever worn; also, some of the most uncomfortable, so I wasn't sad to see them go.

"I have one," I countered weakly. Everyone has a family, everyone has a mother and a father, just not everyone gets to live with them, gets to know them, gets anything from them…

"How could your family let you come to work at the Shikon?" He inquired, now most of the time when I got that question with a sense of condescending scoff attached to it but he was purely asking. That didn't stop the sting, though.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered back before he helped me to my feet and we headed out on a path that he had chosen. I had to lift my dress up with one hand to make sure it did not brush against the sand and hold onto my shawl to make sure the sea breeze did not blow it away with the other.

"I suppose you wouldn't," he murmured, "I suppose… in a way… I'm lucky for the family I have. At least I have money because I'm a Tsukino."

"At least," I replied as the water washed up to my feet. It was a bit chilly but I still enjoyed it.

"It's the simple things in life for you, isn't it?"

It took me a while to look away from the water to Inuyasha-san, "I'm sorry?"

"I give you some of the finest clothes, a brilliant room all to yourself, a ring any women would die for, and yet none of that wins a smile form you like just looking out to the sea or the food we eat," oh, now that's a bit embarrassing, he had noticed how much I enjoyed the meal?

"I'm… sorry?" I suppose that's what he was going for.

"No," he shook his head before looking ahead of us, "it's just different. I guess I was expecting you to be enthralled with all the fine gifts."

"They are nice, Inuyasha-san," I assured as I quickened my pace to keep up with him, really, how rude, he should remember that I was wearing a dress! "I am grateful, I am."

"I know."

I couldn't help but frown then, Inuyasha-san was acting so strange… so surreal. Maybe that's simply how he acted when he was at home, or maybe… his mind was on the woman he could never have. The one I resemble. The one he wanted to wed… she must be who he is waiting for, she must be why he needs to 'buy time'… at least Sesshomaru-san won't find it hard to believe that we don't marry.

Was it wrong that I found him very handsome? Probably more so than Inuyasha-san, I shook my head to rid my mind of such useless thoughts.

"Kagome," he broke me from my thoughts, "are you alright?"

"Fine," as fine as I could be, considering… I just had to keep breathing, that's all I could tell myself.

"Let's just sit for a while," he requested before stopping and heading up the mound of sand some so that the water wouldn't get to us, I followed him reluctantly.

"Inuyasha-san, this is a very nice dress, I'd hate to ruin it," I countered but he still took my hands and pulled me into his lap.

"Then sit here."

Fine, fine, I just sighed before resting my head against his shoulder to stare up at the darkened sky—why not indulge myself if he'd let me? Little was said between us for a while, then I lifted my arms up to lightly hang around his neck, he tilted his head then to rest upon the top of mine. It would have been romantic if his hand wasn't sliding down my back to my bum—at least I was certain he couldn't feel anything because of the ample fabric.

I pulled away abruptly and jumped to my feet, letting the shawl fall to the sand, and startling him some before I pointed to the sky, "did you see that, Inuyasha-san!?"

"See… what?" He coaxed cautiously.

"A shooting star!" I gleamed before glancing back down at him, "I saw one!"

He just nodded wearily before looking up to the sky again, "are you sure?"

"Yes!" Why did stars have to fall from the sky? I suppose that's the only way I could hope to touch one but what were the chances that it'd fall towards me? Besides, it wouldn't be fulfilling, I wanted to be able to grasp one in the sky.

Another white blaze shot across the sky, "I saw that one."

"I have never seen one and now I have seen two!?" I clapped my hands together, letting the pretty dress fall to be tainted by the dirty sand and waving water, "I love Osaka!"

"Alright, Kagome," Inuyasha-san chuckled; I think he must like it here, too, because I've never heard him laugh so much.

"Another, Inuyasha-san!" I pointed to the next, why were there so many? It was pretty and all, the way the sparking white painted the sky, but… it was a bit tragic, too. Poor stars, I doubt they wanted to fall from their home.

"Yes, yes," I could feel him behind me before he even wrapped his arms around my waist, "you are easily amused, Kagome."

"Mm-hm," I don't see anything wrong with that. "Perhaps you just don't see what I do."

"I don't think I do," he murmured, "but I'd like to."

"What—?" But I couldn't finish my sentence as I turned my head to look at him because his lips met mine. It was a rather awkward position but that didn't stop him from working his way into my mouth, his tongue took the lead as it ravished about.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

The next thing she knew she was in his arms, bridal style, yet their lips never parted until after her arms wrapped around his neck, "Inuyasha-san?"

"Let's go back," he asserted before he took a few leaps, she didn't even notice a thing before they landed upon the porch outside of her room. He didn't bother to set her down as he pulled open the door and stepped in, closing it with his foot, followed by him kicking off his shoes and setting her down on the bed so he could undo his fancy clothes he was forced into for the night.

She'd take too long; he was sure, to get the jacket, vest, and shirt off.

"Inuyasha-san?"

"What?" he breathed before he started to remove her dress, which had far too many parts to it. The maroon part came off with ease but then there was the series of undergarments that drove him mad. Her scent had filled his senses, it was intoxicating, why did anything have to get in his way now?

"Let me help," she requested as she slid the white skirt off before he began to pull on the end of the top to gently yank it over her head, "Inuyasha-san, what if your parents—?"

"We'll be quick, they aren't back yet," he interrupted before kneeling on the bed, one knee on either side of her, and leaning her back upon it, "just try to keep it down."

Their lips mixed together, as he brushed his excitement against her, still hidden behind his pants. Her petite hands began to unbutton his pants, he kicked them off before he began to nuzzle her neck, run his hands down her back and to her bum then kneaded her hips. He kissed his way down her body, halting here and there deliberately, paying the utmost attention to her breast; tugging, kissing, sucking. It only intensified his need when he heard her moan lightly, her hands ran through his hair to grip at his ears—it sent shivers down his spine.

It triggered a vigorous series of tongue, mouth, digits, and then the final plunge into her that made her arch and gasp. When he began his rhythmic assault she began to move along with her hips—it made him groan some as he placed his head against her shoulder. She tightened her grasp around his neck and he pulled her closer with his grip on her hip.

They didn't part much as they rocked together, keeping the noise truly to a minimum. The loudest noise the emanated from them was their pants and minute moans.

Until both of their pleasure met their pinnacle, then they couldn't really muffle their cries.

Well… then they started up again.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

Even though Tsukino-sama did not like me much, I'm sure, she gave me a sweet goodbye and so did the other Tsukino-sama. Sesshomaru-san did not live in their family home, I was told, and would not make it back in time to bid us a goodbye. I was a bit happy about that…

The train ride was shorter than the last time, I felt like it at least, but that was probably because I spent most of it sleeping along with Inuyasha-san. He took me as far as the corner of the street that the Shikon was on before we had to part ways.

I closed my eyes as he walked away, took a few breaths then turned to go back to my life. My actual life, the one I will always live…

Tears streamed down my face as I took a step in, I tried my best to whip them away so that none of the girls that were lingering downstairs already noticed. It took a great deal of effort to keep my gasps for air at a minimum before I knocked upon the door of Kikyou-sama's office.

"Come in," she beckoned beautifully.

"Kikyou-sama," I choked as I closed the door behind me to walk over to her desk but everything was such a blur by then.

"Kagome-chan," she gasped before she was in front of me to pull me into her embrace so I could openly cry upon her shoulder, "I am so sorry, Kagome-chan. I am sorry… I knew this would happen. I knew it. I knew I should not have let him take you outside of the Shikon… I am _so _sorry."

"Kikyou-sama…" I blubbered on, "I… I…"

She hushed me with a soothing 'sh' as she stroked my ebony waves, "did he do anything to hurt you?"

"No," I whimpered, not physically, not that time… "please… please… don't," it took a while before I could formulate another word in between my weeps, "make me… see… him."

"Of course, Kagome-chan," she hugged me closer, "never again."

Inuyasha-san, you are too cruel... and the worst part of it all is that you don't know it.


	11. Missed

**| { Confound : Chapter 11 } |**

**||.Missed.||**

"Kikyou!" The molten golden eyed half-demon shouted while he cracked his knuckles, "you are being completely! Completely—!" He couldn't say it, not to her, if it was anyone else he'd spew out the curse word that was burning its way through his hot tongue.

"Inuyasha," sighed the fair Madame with a small shake of her head, "stop, you are making a scene."

"No one is down here!"

"You are going to wake the girls upstairs," Kikyou hissed. It only got a narrowed glare out of the man as he continued to stride around in annoyance.

"Don't tell me I can't see her! This is ridiculous! I am a paying customer!"

"Yes, you are," she asserted as she waved her hands down, trying to calm him, "and you can have any woman you want _expect_ Kaoru-chan."

"Kagome," he corrected bitterly.

"You fool," she scoffed while taking a step away; he gripped her wrist before she could walk away from him.

"You are jealous, aren't you?! Gods, Kikyou! You know that I would have given you ever—"

"That hasn't anything to do with this," she protested as she yanked her wrist free, a stern façade fixated upon her pretty face.

"Then what the hell is it?!"

"Keep your voice down," she ordered in a harsh hush, "if you ever figure out _why_ you cannot see _Kaoru_-chan anymore then perhaps you will be allowed to again."

"What the _fuck_ does that mean?" He snarled. "I refuse—!"

"She asked me to do this!" It was the first time she raised her voice and it put him in his place right away. His golden orbs widened before he looked away with a bitter frown.

"You're lying, why would she do that after all I've done for her?"

"Inuyasha," Kikyou soothed after regain her cool, she took a step forward and raised her hands to float about his face—as if she wanted to touch but some force kept her from doing so. "I told you this many times already, I will tell you again… forever, you will forever be from a different world. That is why you do not understand. Please, Inuyasha, let her be."

"I'll pay more—"

"That won't matter," she assured as she lowered her arms so she could fold them upon her chest.

"I friends in high places, Kikyou," he snickered, "I'll go to them and tell them to shut down the Shikon, you forget I can do that?"

"Oh, I know," she stated sternly, "you made a fine point at parading that in my face last time. I failed to protect Kaoru-chan like I should because I let that threat move me into breaking the rules but… not this time, Inuyasha. If one of my girls does not want to see someone, truly, _truly_, does not want to, I will never force them. Go to your friends, Inuyasha, but I will not let Kaoru-chan down again."

That was the last thing she said before she turned her back to him.

That was the last time he entered the Shikon.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

I couldn't help it, I dreaded every night after the last day I saw Inuyasha-san. It wasn't until the second that he showed up and I left the room, right away, like Kikyou-sama told me to do. Before I exited fully, I saw Kikyou-sama intercept him. She came and got me when he was gone and the night went on like any other. Then he came back again, the same events followed, and again, I did the same, and again... it stayed like this for about a week and a half before I woke up to the sound of his frustrated shouts. I couldn't really hear what he was saying to Kikyou-sama and I didn't want to either... I just wanted it to be done.

And it was... because after that morning a month past without a sign of him.

Inuyasha-san, I suppose I am confusing you, hm? Why would I ever not want to see you after you showed me such a great time? After you took me to Osaka, showed me to beautiful ocean, and bought me so many fine things? After you were so kind? After everything? It's simple, Inuyasha-san, and if you only understood the world than you wouldn't even question my decision.

In all your supposed kindness... you were crueler to me than anyone else in the whole wide world ever could be.

_You_, you showed me a life I never knew, that I could _never_ have. Yes, Inuyasha-san, I could have dreamed of a life outside of the Shikon but I never ever had before you. Even when I grew closer to you I never let that fantasy take me, I never let a happy story of what-could-be appear to me as I slept night after night. Now I _do_. Now you made me. I knew my life was not grand, but I found happiness within it. How was I supposed to find that again after you shoved into my face a life I didn't even knew existed?

How?

I want that life, Inuyasha-san, I want that life with you... and you don't. You want it with another. That does not even matter in the end, that's not really a factor into why I refuse to see you. Even if you did want me in that pretty lie of a life it could never be. We don't live in a fairy-tale, there is no happily ever after. I am what I am, I will always be. You are what you are, you will always be.

We can _never_ be.

I can _never_ have that life.

Yet, I will _never_ be able to get that dream out of my head.

And it is because of that that I can _never_ forgive you.

I am sorry, Inuyasha-san, but... I can _never_ see you again.

Goodbye.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

It was strange, he thought, to see her floating about outside the Shikon, about the streets of Kyoto, laughing in good cheer with her friends. That and the fact she wasn't wearing her usual kimono but instead a simple western dress along with most of the girls she waltzed about with. All girls from the Shikon, he recalled their faces from around there.

He honestly hadn't left his home that day in hopes of finding her, he had no intention of seeking her out after more than a month of a cold shoulder... it just so happened that her ever so subtle calla lily scent caught his senses, and she wasn't too far away... so he just wondered on over to see what she was up to. At least she wasn't wearing that bellflower perfume like she had each and every night he tried to see her at the Shikon, so… she must have just done that because he told her _not_ to—that only added to his annoyance.

There was no way he knew how terribly ticked off he would become by simply seeing her smile and strut around with her friends that afternoon. It really made his blood boil. He had given her so much, taken her to Osaka, and she _refused_ to see him? If anything he should get a couple of nights for free.

A smirk crossed his lips when he noticed her linger behind her friends to look at a booth. He waited just a bit more until he was sure her friends waded out of sight in the mass of people before he walked up behind her. Perhaps, it was a little perverse to just watch her for a few minutes until she seemed to notice someone was there, watching her.

With slight panic she turned about to see him right there. It only caused further irritation to notice the way her eyes widened with... fear? So he grasped her wrist and pulled her across the road to the alleyway.

"T-Toashi-san!" Kagome chocked while she tried her best to pull away from him but it was useless... he'd forever be stronger than her. "You're hurting me, Toashi-san!"

"You know that's not even my name!" He barked back as he flung her against the wall.

Her eyes closed right away, she hadn't even thought that she'd run into him on the streets... for a month she'd been going out almost daily with her friends, just like always, to do this and that and not once had she stumbled upon him. Why must her luck run out now?

"What?" He growled as he slammed his hands on either side of her head, "you think I'm going to _hurt_ you?"

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Hurt me? Do I think you _will _hurt me? You already had! You have scorned me like no one before. If past habits will hold true, of course you will hurt me, Inuyasha-san!

I took a breath before I looked up at Inuyasha-san wirily, half-lidded, "To-Toashi-san—"

"Tsukino _or_ Inuyasha but _not_ Toashi!" He pressed his fists harder against the bricks before he narrowed his eyes upon me. It was sudden when he grasped my upper arms and pulled me down to a door, opened it, and pushed me in. It was small, I suppose it was a storage room for one of the shops all the street. I ran into one of the shelves as the sound of the door slamming shut and locking echoed from behind me.

Fear consumed me from inside out... yet so did excitement.

He pulled me to him, pressing my back to his strong, stiff, stomach, "tell me why you have been avoiding me!"

Tell me, tell me, tell me! Inuyasha-san, you are always ordering me to tell you this and tell you that! Why can't you just leave good enough alone? If you had never made me tell you when I had a night off then all would be fine. If you had never made me tell you my name, my heart would not have been shattered into fragments to be spread all about. If you had never made me tell you that next night off, my mind would be at ease, my happiness hedged, saved. Now I didn't have that, I didn't have any of that to help mend me.

And that's entirely your fault, Inuyasha-san. Why can't you figure that out?

"No," I whimpered before he moved his hands from gripping my hips up to my shoulders, he slid Sango-chan's dress that I was wearing that day down my shoulders so they would be bare enough for his lips to trail across them. "Inuyasha-san," I could tell I had his attention as I cried out to him, "stop!"

"No," he grunted back before pushing me forward so that I had to grip the shelves for support. I heard the tear of my stockings as he flung up my dress and forced my legs apart.

Not this again... he said he'd never be rough anymore. This is not fair. This is not right...

But you don't care; do you, Inuyasha-san?

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

He wasn't even ready when he got her legs to stay open, he couldn't help but allow his golden gaze to wander all about her bare bum that he did enjoy so much before he slid one of his hands down it—the other was keeping her pinned in her place—before he slid two digits into her. A small muffled gasp refused to break her lips free as she closed her eyes tightly before she felt him begin his assault.

In, out, in, out, swirl about, and just like she expected he added his thumb for aid to stroke her sweet spot. There was no point for her to try and count anything, to avoid the feeling, because... she could not be Kaoru with Inuyasha, no matter how much she'd love to.

"Stop," she begged as she involuntarily moved her hips once along with his rhythm.

If she acted like she really wanted him to perhaps he would but when her words cried no, her body beckoned for more as he pulled his stroking fingers out to lick them clean briefly.

Now, he was more than ready to plunge in to her—to pulse within then out. With the first set she cringed closer before grasping the shelves tighter. She shook her head as he gripped her hips tighter to pull her to him as he pushed in, to create a deeper sensation for the both of them. After he had a fixed pattern, adding a swirl here and there for a mild moan from her, he pulled the dress down more to expose one of her breasts so he could fondle it. His fingers pinched her erected nub, meshed it with his palm.

"In-Inuya-yasha stop!"

"Tell me why you've be-been," he groaned as he pumped into her with more force, her back arched, "avoiding me!"

"No," she murmured before she pushed into him. "No. No!"

Was it wrong that it turned him on more to hear her cry that? "Kagome!"

That was it, she gave up as she let his feeling consume him before she arched back again, this time enough to grab his neck, it was a bit tricky but she was able to get him to push away enough that she could turn around to grab a chunk of hair and pull him close, he was the one that took that as a sign to clash their lips. It took far more effort than he would have thought to keep up with his rhythm—that she seemed to have taken over—and pry open her mouth with his tongue.

Finally, he managed to. For a while they both forgot they needed to breathe until both their lungs burned for air.

It was flawless, their lips parted so they could both gasp for air right as they pushed into each other enough to trigger her reckless cry from ecstasy. The way she rippled and tightened about him caused him to do that same.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

I have never had so much trouble regaining my breath in all my life. That didn't stop me from readjusting Sango-chan's dress to sort of sit upon my shoulders like it was meant to—how am I going to explain to Sango-chan that I destroyed her dress? Well, _I _didn't, Inuyasha-san did. Inuyasha-san... I closed my eyes as I found my stockings, well, again, Sango-chan's.

They were completely ruined... completely... ruined... I...

"Why are you avoiding me?" Inuyasha-san bickered bitterly to me, I could tell he had yet to pull himself off of the ground he had fallen upon after we finished... he finished. "Huh? After—?" his hand gripped my shoulder to turn me to him and... and I couldn't help it. I raised my hand higher than ever before in my life—well, at least it felt like it—and slammed it down upon his face.

_Ow_, my gods, that stung my skin terribly so I hope it at least hurt him some. By the time I opened my eyes I saw that his face was turned, a large red mark upon his cheek. It took a moment for both of us to process what had just happened, he brought his hand to his cheek before he looked back at me with a brow cocked.

I could tell he was about to shout something at me again from the way his other brow bent down, too. So I swallowed the choke within my throat and blinked the burning hot tears out of my eyes, it was almost, _almost_ soothing to have the salty substance seep down my cheeks but... not really.

I opened my mouth to say something as I threw the torn and useless stockings into his face and finally managed a few fumbled words, "you broke it."

That was it. He didn't stop me; he didn't say a word, as I turned around and exited that hellish area that was far too familiar, far too similar to the closet I'd never enter again.

That was the last time I would ever be Kagome with a man.

I'd... I'd destroy Kagome to make this pain go away.

That was the last time I saw Inuyasha-san, for that I'm thankful...

Farewell, you cruel man that made my happiness fade away.


	12. Matrimony

**| { Confound: Chapter 12 } |**

**||.Matrimony.||**

Winter finally sprung up, I tried not to count the days that I did not see Toashi-san… Inuyasha-san… Tsukino-san… whatever his name is. What was it? Another month? No, more than that, closer to two. It only took a few visits for Kouga to renew Kaoru. Then Kagome was no more, it was all I could do to keep it all at bay. To keep the crying from creeping its way to me, to keep the cold from my core, to keep me sane, to keep those marvelous memories of Osaka away…

I thought I was over it by the first freeze. I thought that I was fine again by the first snow. I thought I was, I really did… I was sure I was… then the news finally caught my ears while I was working one night. I was at the high stakes table with all the truly well off officials and other men of importance, they were gambling away and some were trying their very best to win Kikyou-sama's good grace.

I had Kaoru, I was sweet, I giggled right when I was supposed to, it was all going so well… that is, as well as it can. Truthfully, I could never find a way to cope with what occurred between me and other men. Even with Kaoru, I was just able to give off a stoic front, to do my job, but… now, thanks to all that Inuyasha-san showed me, all that he flaunted in my face, I felt… dirty.

Inuyasha-san, I never did before.

Why did you do this to me?

Oh, yes, the _news_, the grand news that everyone at the high stakes table was laughing about.

Inuyasha-san, they said your real name Tsukino Inuyasha… they said you were getting married. They said you were leaving to return to your home town to wed… Did you finally get that special someone to say yes?

I just so happened to look over at my Madame when they spoke about it. If I did not know Kikyou-sama so well, I wouldn't have caught the break in her usual front. It hurts, doesn't it, Kikyou-sama? It hurts even you.

I've been thinking about it a lot more than I should, about all that Inuyasha-san said, all that you said, all that everyone said, and I think I figured it out… I think I know. Inuyasha-san did the same thing to you, didn't he? I'm sorry I never noticed, Kikyou-sama.

I preformed my job poorly that night, I was even told so… but I couldn't help it, Inuyasha-san, it's your fault. It hurt so much to hear that you are going to give that fantasy life to another.

I hope you are faithful to her. I hope you don't hurt her. I hope you treat her well. I hope… that there's a way to make this pain cease.

I hope… for a different life. A life that I know I will never have… and it's your fault, Inuyasha-san. Just leave me alone.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Will she be fine?" Kikyou inquired as she stood at the end of the hallway, "do you know what it is?"

"It seems to be one of those winter illnesses," the man replied as he made sure his bag was packed, "she should recover."

"What am I paying you for?" She inquired rather sternly, winning a wiry look from the doctor.

"Give her tea and the medication that I have given you and she will be fine," the doctor dragged out slowly, "alright?"

"She better be," Kikyou stated before he walked down the stairs and returned to Kagome's door, knocking on it lightly, "Kagome-chan, please rest, you will not need to work until we are all sure you are better."

"Thank you," she meekly murmured back as she turned in her futon to snuggle under the sheets more.

Another month passed before the worst part of winter struck, the slowest time of the season for the Shikon because few dared to go out at night to deal with the cold even if it was for sex. The entire time Kagome could barely get out of bed, barely eat, but she just plenty of tea, plenty of water, and took the medication she was told to. Kikyou took good care of the girl, spending a majority of her free time upstairs with her, making sure she had all she needed. Each week the doctor came back, each week he said the same thing—she'll get better. Just wait.

Maybe it was the terrible ache that trembled her heart that made it so hard for her to overcome the illness, maybe it was the lack of will to continue on with the life she had to live, maybe it was just a very bad strand of sickness, maybe it was all of these things, maybe it was none of them... but it took until the thaw of spring for her to feel better.

Even still, Kikyou only allowed her to run errands but still not participate in the nightly activities. She said Kagome was too thin now, too ill appearing, too weak to do it, that she just needed to keep resting and all would be fine.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I've always hated the winter; I really dislike the cold, so I was glad to see it go. I was even happier to feel better, I can't say it was awful being ill because it got me out of so much work and Kikyou-sama still took great care of me. That's what separated my Madame from all others, I'm sure that Madame Tsubaki and all others would have kicked such an ill and useless girl out instead of spending more money on making sure she got better. And even if they did, they'd just send that girl back to work as soon as possible, I could work now but Kikyou-sama wanted me to rest more, to make sure I was at my best and could properly function before I'd be subjected to that again.

As always, I was heading to Kagura-san's beauty parlor to pick up the package that was there for Kikyou-sama when... when I heard his voice. I hide right away, behind some foul smelling trash--perhaps that's why his noise did not pick up on my scent? Or, most likely, he just forgot it, it had been so long... or, probably, he just didn't care. I would have thought he had returned to Osaka already but, then again, few would want to wed in the winter. I got my answer to at least a few of these things I pondered over.

"When are you returning to Osaka, Tsukino-san?" The man he was with inquired.

"Soon," Inuyasha-san muttered as they stopped to linger at one of the booths in the street—not too far from where I hid.

"This girl you're getting married with, was it your choice or arranged?"

"My choice," that stung, so you finally found that woman? Finally made her say yes? Good... for you.

"She must be _very_ pretty then," the man chuckled, "she from a well off family?"

"She is, on both accounts."

"I hope I get invited to this wedding, I'd like to see her."

"Don't worry, Woyabo-san, I'll make sure that you get and invitation."

"Good, good," they both laughed lightly then before going off.

I didn't even see him, I just heard his voice, I didn't want to see him, I didn't care to...

As I knelt there, though, I let new tears—it had been so _very_ long since I'd cried over this nonsense—seeped out. I covered my mouth as I let my head touch my knees; I choked for air for a while before I heard a kind, concerned, voice that I vaguely knew.

"Kaoru-chan?"

With a few blinks to rid myself of the final tears, I looked up to see violet eyes staring back at me. Miroku-san, the monk, Inuyasha-san's friend... this was embarrassing, I quickly got to my feet and brushed my yukata off, "hello, Miroku-san."

"What is wrong, Kaoru-chan? Are you hurt?"

Not physically, so I shook my head, "I am fine, thank you, Miroku-san."

I don't think I fooled him, his violets moved over to the street then back to me, "you have heard the news... I suppose?"

I didn't need to ask what he was talking about, I knew, so I simply nodded and looked away.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-chan."

I just gave him a weak smile, "no need to be, Miroku-san..." then I _had_ to ask, I just had to, "do you... know her, Miroku-san?"

He shook his head lightly, "he told me her name and I am sure I have never met her, but I suppose that will change soon."

"The wedding is soon then?"

He gave me a weak smile before patting me even lighter upon my shoulder, "I am sorry, Kaoru-chan."

He's sorry... so am I, but are you, Inuyasha-san? Why couldn't you be kind like Miroku-san?

"Riko-chan," Sango-chan's alias, "speaks highly of you, I see why now, thank you for your kindness."

I flustered him some before he smiled, "I really am... sorry. Inuyasha... he doesn't... get people. Have a nice day, Kaoru-chan."

"You, too, Miroku-san."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Thank you, Kagome-chan," Kikyou smiled as she began to upon the package, "this wasn't too heavy for you, was it?"

"No," Kagome shook her head, "not at all, it's lighter than usual, actually."

"Perfume, body oil, lotion," Kikyou murmured off the items she took from it, then there was a letter that she slid into her desk's drawer, "Kagome-chan, would you like the lotion? It's vanilla and lilies."

"Is that alright?" She inquired as she took the bottle and looked about it, like always, it was in foreign print. Not English, she could at least recognize it, "where is this from?"

"France, perhaps you should go rest now?"

"I was actually thinking about going out on another walk... is that alright?"

Kikyou's chocolate orbs wondered up to Kagome's hazels, "of course, Kagome-chan."

With a slight bow of her head she was gone, closing the door behind her like she should. She waited for a moment or two before she pulled out the letter and opened it up.

_Bonjour, ma chère_

_Je t'aime. S'il vous plaît, viens ici. __Je te manque vraiment?_

That was all she needed to read before her decision was finally made.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

It wasn't warm outside but it wasn't cold, either. Instead of letting the worries, the woes, all of it linger, I let my mind go blank. Completely blank. I just walked, walked, and walked until I noticed the sun was about to set, that the sky was about to fade to golden orange... that's what trigged it. _Golden_. Golden. Golden orange.

His eyes...

I shivered rather uncontrollably when all of it muddied my mind. I had been getting better but I wouldn't know that from the way I felt right then, I felt so bad, so, so bad… Then, I wanted to die. There he was, sitting on the edge of a fountain. The sight of him shattered me, broke me. Why? What punishment was this? Did I do something god-awful in a past life to deserve to keep running into him?

Go. To. Osaka. Leave. Me. Alone.

I took a deep, deep, breath, and caught his attention. Lazily, he glanced over to me. It was a surreal moment, and the one I made my decision.

Inuyasha-san… I love you. I have never admitted that to myself, but I will now because I cannot move on until I am truthful with myself.

And it is because of all that… that I am going to say goodbye. So, please, let me go.

"Inuyasha-san," I meekly began as I took a few steps closer so I was standing just out of arms reach. I half expected a glare from him, a stern 'what the fuck, Kagome?' or anything along those lines but… he didn't. He just looked at me, rather… peacefully? No, that's not right, indifferent. He was completely and utterly indifferent to my presences.

"I heard that… a congratulations is in order," I nodded my head, "I hope you are happy."

There was silence before I bothered to lift my head up to see that his façade had yet to change, "that's it?"

That's it? _That's it_? That's all you have to say? Do you know what I am doing? Gods, it hurts me to do this. It kills me to do this, you ass, you pig, you terrible man. This wasn't 'it' it was so much more, to me, but… that's what I needed to know. I need you to reaffirm my decision, to know how little you care for me, to know that you… are cruel.

"That's it," I barely managed to retort, yet I was proud of myself because it was a bit bitter. He didn't flinch, not a thing happened, you don't care even a little about me, do you? Fine, fine, be that way. This way the cords finally cut. I took a step back then turned, why was that what finally got your attention?

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

I froze, took a breath, then shook my head, "goodbye, Inuyasha-san."

"It doesn't bother you that I'm getting married?"

Do you want it to? But I still stepped back so I could turn to you halfway, a stoic look upon my face, I was sure.

"After all I did for you, you turned out to be kind of a—"

"You are cruel," I stated stiffly, "I hope you treat your wife well. I hope you are faithful to her. I hope that… that you make her happy."

"I will do all of those things, I'm sure," he stated. And… I completely believed it, there wasn't a bit of doubt in his golden gaze that enchanted me even now.

Lucky her…

"She's beautiful, probably the most beautiful girl I know."

I know I started this conversation but that did not mean I wanted to hear about this goddess of a woman.

"She's… kind," he picked his words carefully, his look was just like the first time I met him—he was evaluating me up and down. You wanted me to react to this? What? Did you want to hurt me more? Did you get pleasure out of my pain?

"Good," I muttered then looked away again.

"You look pale."

"It hasn't anything to do with you," I lost my steady voice, my new one was harsh… it was foreign to me.

"Alright," he mused for a moment, "by the way, Kagome," I really hated hearing him say my name, "you have the wrong idea, I'm not getting married—"

I almost fell to my knees, but caught myself to look to him again, "wh-what?"

"I was just curious how you'd react to the news," he shrugged _completely_ nonchalantly.

I… I am just a game? "Wh-what?"

"I started the rumor to get at you, for not seeing me, it's rude, Kagome, after all I've given you," his voice was almost bitter but that was the last thing he said before I lost it.

He went through all the trouble just to cause _me_ pain? Good, good, great! Grand! I'm glad I found out! Now I know what a horrid person you are, Inuyasha-san, I will never see you again after this. Did you know you could break a shattered heart into a million more tiny pieces? Because I hadn't until I met you, I hadn't even a broken heart until you came along.

You... you bastard.

I quickly walked up to him, his eyes were stuck on me, I could tell he was already prepping for the slap that was about to come—he rose his hand to stop mine but he was wrong. I shoved his shoulders instead; his arms flung as he lost his balance and fell into the freezing water behind him.

I stepped out of the way of the splashes.

Perfect. You are a cold bastard, you should feel comfortable within the icy water. It matches your heart.


	13. Merry

**| { Confound : Chapter 13 } |**

**||.Merry.||**

"Watanabe Kagome!"

It stopped me even though it shouldn't, that's not my name, that will never be my name! Was he just shouting it to try and sting me more?

"You didn't know, did you?!" He kept up, I could hear him still splashing about in the water, trying to get his footing so he could get out but—lucky for me—he had gotten tangled in a hose that was within the water.

"Know what?" I muttered before I turned, again, to look at him. He was a funny sight, a wet dog stuck in the water with the most pissed off look upon his face. It almost made me smile; does that make me an awful person?

"That's the name of the woman I've been telling people I want to marry," he kept up before reaching his hand out to grab mine, I wish I had gotten farther away before stopping, his hand was ice cold. "I thought if you heard that then you'd let me see you again."

What?

"I thought that you would have heard or if not asked for the woman's name, but you didn't, did you?" He tugged me a little closer to keep me from leaving, I'm quite sure he hadn't the intention of pulling me into the frigid water with him but that's what happened. I didn't have great strength as it was, and my knees were weak from the talk so I came toppling down upon him with another small splash.

"My yukata! You dumb man!"I protested as I hit him, my face was right to his, since he fell backwards and I forwards but I shut my eyes tightly. I felt something warm wash down my face in streams, "you shouldn't have done that at all!"

"I wanted to see you! Besides, Kagome, I want that—"

"I'm not Watanabe Kagome! That person does not even exist!" I kept up as I hit him lightly still, he took it without trying to stop me, I doubt it felt anything different then a feather flickered upon his skin anyway.

"I don't want to marry Watanabe Kagome," he spoke in such a stern, stiff voice that it made me finally open my eyes to see him, one of his cold hands rose up to whip away the hot tears, "I want to marry whatever-your-name-is Kagome."

"That…" he did? Really? I bit my lips together before shaking my head lightly, "doesn't matter."

I don't live in a fairytale. We could never be… right?

"Why?"

"It can't be! I'm not from a well off family, I'm a—"

"It doesn't matter, my parents think you are, let's just go with it. I can ransom you out of the Shikon, it's happened before, I can if you let me. Kagome," he stated firmly to get me to look into his eyes, "you have to let me. Kikyou won't hear it, in less you tell her that's what you want."

"Kikyou-sama…" I muttered before looking away again, "but… it…"

"What's the worst that can happen?"

I… I don't know. It's just not supposed to happen. That's not how the world works.

"Will you let me, Kagome?"

I meant to say no, honestly I did, but the opposite came out of my shivered mouth, "y-yes."

A small smile crossed his lips, "then, will you marry me, Kagome?"

I… shouldn't say yes, it would be selfish, and this couldn't be real anyway. Right? I was dreaming. Inuyasha-san wouldn't ask me that… this was a dream… but I was so cold, it couldn't be a dream. It was real. He was really asking me.

And what was the worst that could happen…?

I barely managed to say, "yes."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"I didn't mean to pull you into the water, too," Inuyasha kept up like he had the entire trip back to his home—the first time he had ever really brought a girl home, too.

"It's fine," Kagome assured as she pulled the second blanket around her shoulders and snuggled up to the kotatsu—a low quilt-covered table which has charcoal burner placed under it to create heat. "I-I shouldn't have pushed you into the water."

"No, you shouldn't have," Inuyasha snickered as he readjust the one blanket he had, his golden gaze glancing over every inch of the girl that still shivered beside him, "I noticed you weighed a considerable amount less when you fell on me."

"Is that so?" She murmured, "I was sick recently, that's probably it."

"For the entire winter," he stated and she quickly looked to him, her brows furrowed, "just because you wouldn't see me… doesn't mean I didn't keep tabs on you."

Should she be grateful for that or not? It showed he cared, somewhat, but it was also a bit stalkerish, either way, she smiled lightly, "oh."

"You're better now, right?" He questioned, the sneeze from her was an answer in itself, "I'll get a doctor to come."

"It was just a sneeze," she assured but her meek voice couldn't convince him. It was probably for the best, anyway, since she couldn't shake the chill even though she'd been lingering under the kotatsu for over a half hour, every fifteen minutes Inuyasha got her another blanket, too. She even had a cup of warm tea now, "Inuyasha-san…"

"Hm?" He lifted his hand to place the back of his hand upon her forehead, she seemed feverish but he couldn't be certain if that was just because his hands were still cold.

"I… never mind."

He nodded, "I'm going to call a doctor for you."

"I'm fine, Inuyasha-san," she countered, "truly, Kikyou-sama got the best physician to come and see me weekly while I was ill. I am better."

"She would," he muttered, "but, let me do the same."

Her hazels hovered about his face for a moment before he looked away, "I… Kikyou-sama… and you…" there wasn't a way to finish that sentence, even though that notion was the one that taunted her some nights. He had once said that he loved her, still, did that factor into why he wanted to marry her? Marriage… the idea was so strange, so foreign. It couldn't actually be, she wouldn't get her hopes up… she tried not to, at least.

"Kikyou," he mused over the name. Kikyou, his first love. Kikyou, she used to be his everything. Kikyou, his reason for returning to Kyoto. Kikyou… he slowly returned his gaze to her, "it's not important, Kagome."

Not in regards to them, at least. It did not matter, years upon years could pass, and Kikyou would forever be important, to him. It smarted still, to think of what could have been… how close they had gotten, the deceit that got in their way, the love that still stood. The love that would never be fulfilled, lived out, but would not get in the way of new feelings.

"But it is," she kept up, lightly still, "to Kikyou-sama… it's important."

That flustered him thus he did what he did best and changed the subject, "I'm going to go call the doctor."

"Inuyasha-san," Kagome called out before he was fully out of the room, "I can't stay, it's only an hour before opening… I need to return to the Shikon."

"Not tonight," he glanced back to her, "Kikyou wouldn't make you work tonight. Not when you look so pale, not when you need to see a doctor, would she?"

She shook her head lightly, letting her yet to dry fully ebony locks grace her cheeks, "she hasn't made me work in months…"

"Good," he smirked slightly, "after I call the doctor I will let you call her, OK?"

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I did call Kikyou-sama that night but I lied to her… I hate lying to Kikyou-sama, I think she knew it I was, too. I told her I wasn't feeling well, that I had stopped to stay at a doctor's that night, that… what else matter? I lied to her. To the woman that took such good care of me, that treated me as if I was her own sister, I really hated myself for doing that but… but I felt guilty telling her I was at Inuyasha-san's. I didn't want to hurt Kikyou-sama, I really didn't, and she still loves Inuyasha-san, just as he did her, so wouldn't it hurt her to know I was with him?

It must have hurt her to give me to Inuyasha-san each night he came, to see me walk upstairs with him, to… Inuyasha-san, you really are a cruel man, to do that to a woman that you say you love… but I couldn't hate you for it, I doubt I'd hate you even if I was in Kikyou-sama's spot—just like I know she doesn't. We love you, but do you us? Both of us?

I could deal with that, as long as I had a place in your heart, I'd be fine with that.

Then again, I haven't the faintest idea of what I'm talking about. I don't know why you and Kikyou-sama are no longer together; perhaps you are justified in why you do what you do. Perhaps, but since I can't be certain… I can't judge. I won't. I don't want to.

I'll just let some sympathy sit with Kikyou-sama, still.

I hated having a doctor probe me again, to tell me that if I follow the protocols that he set—take medicine now, and then again, and drink warm tea, blah, blah, blah—that I'd be fine. It was just a cold, he assured Inuyasha-san, which I was glad. It made him settle down.

Inuyasha-san made me lie with him that night, well, he requested and I refused, reminding him I might make him ill, but he kept up saying that he'd be able to keep me warmer than any amount of blankets… I agreed, I slept—actually _slept_—in the same western bed as him. He didn't let his hands wander to inappropriate places like I had prepped myself to be ready for. He just held me in his arms, warming me inside out just like he promised, all night long.

When I woke the next morning he was already up… and I knew what we were meant to do today. We had talked about it the night before and… it made my stomach turn, worry sink in, my hands shake, the chill return… I didn't want to do it.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Please hear him out," Kagome muttered with her eyes stuck upon the ground before she walked over to sit upon the couch within Kikyou's office. She couldn't let it continue without whispering, "I'm sorry, Kikyou-sama."

"It's fine, Kagome-chan," Kikyou soothed, with a wave she allowed Inuyasha in, "what would you like to say, Inuyasha?"

"Let me pay for Kagome," he began rather weakly, it caught Kagome's attention, "completely out of this life."

"For what?"

His eyes avoided hers, "you know why."

Kikyou nodded lightly before she walked over to sit beside Kagome, "and this is what you want?"

"Yes," she muttered meekly, "I'm sorry, Kikyou-sama…"

"Whatever for?" She inquired as she placed an arm around Kagome, "it is only natural to want a different life… I have to say, it saddens me to lose you and Sango-chan at the same time."

"I know, I'm sorry. I can—"

"One of you were going to inherit the Shikon… now I do not know what to—"

"Kikyou-sama, you have done so much for me," Kagome interrupted as she took both of Kikyou's hands into hers, "I will stay and take charge of the Shikon if you want me to. I don't have to leave, I—"

With a subtle 'sh' she hushed Kagome and pulled her into a hug, "it is fine, Kagome-chan, I will let you go as long as this is what you want."

"It is," she murmured as she rested her head upon Kikyou's shoulder.

"You will be taking her to Osaka?" Kikyou asked as she looked up to Inuyasha, his eyes still lingering away from her.

"Yes."

"You will take good care of her, you will not hurt her," it was a statement, not a question, and he knew it. With a nod he looked back to her, "I suppose… I will allow it, you needn't pay, Kagome-chan may simply leave."

"Kikyou-sama, but--"

"That is my decision. Take it or leave it," Kagome just nodded then before Kikyou turned her attention back to Inuyasha, "this proves me wrong. I am—"

"No, Kikyou, it's fine," he assured as he took a few steps forward, "I… I've been an ass, I'm sorry."

"It's true, but it's fine now…"

"Kikyou-sama," Kagome looked up at her, "you keep talking about handing the Shikon over… as if you are leaving soon, are you?"

"Yes," she nodded with a smile, "I will have to give you my new address, you must write to me, Kagome-chan."

"Of course, as long as you write back," Kagome gleamed, "where are you going?"

"France."

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I tried my best not to notice the way Inuyasha-san's ears perked up at the sound of Kikyou's announcement and explanation that followed. The pain that pulsed through him when he heard that she was going to go live with a doctor in France, Suikotsu. I decided to pack my few things that mattered and Inuyasha-san left to allow me to do such, I think he left to deal with the news alone.

But how could you be so sad to hear that Kikyou-sama is going to go live with another man if I am coming to live with you, Inuyasha-san? It's an even trade…

I don't think Kikyou-sama would have said much more to me about it if I hadn't asked her, then a warm, loving smile appeared as she told me of him.

Suikotsu-san was the one that sent the packages from abroad to her, why she decided to learn French. They had been exchanging letters since he left two years ago to move to France, they were only friends before he left, he had never entered the Shikon she just happened upon him one day and they connected, it was through the letters that she decided there were deeper feelings to explore.

She decided to give a new life a chance, to move away from her past. I was so happy for Kikyou-sama, so very happy, and it withered my guilt away, thankfully. While she still loved Inuyasha-san, I could tell, she now had another to love, another to form a life with, a nice life from what I could gather.

Still, I was a bit jealous. She could go so far away and no one will ever know of her past… I was just going to Osaka, it's not that far from Kyoto, what if someone finds me out?

"I have faith that you and Inuyasha will have a happy life together," Kikyou-sama assured me before I left, she gave me a kiss upon the forehead, "I can tell he cares for you a great deal."

"He cares for you, too," I had to add, weakly.

She cupped my face then to make me look at her, "what he and I had is in the past. I am his past, he is mine. You are his future, Suikotsu-san is mine."

That helped me, so much more than anything else could.

"Make sure to write to me," Kikyou-sama requested before I went off...

To my own new life, my own chance at something better… with the man I love.

* * *

**A/N**: Thanks for the reviews and for reading. I'm pleased with this chapter because it gave Kikyou her own little happily-ever-after, and she's my favorite character so I just had to do that. And just as a side note, I did mean m**e**rry and not m**a**rry for the chapter title.


	14. Maniac

**| { Confound : Chapter 14 } |**

**||.Maniac****.||**

Osaka… my new home, it seems so strange, so wrong, but it is. It's been a week now and it still seems so surreal, as if I am stuck in a dream, always just about to wake but never do. Inuyasha-san's house here is not as large as his family home, which I am more than satisfied with, but it still backs onto the beach. I'm very grateful for that, I've gone on at least two walks a day on it.

I'm Watanabe Kagome here… it is a bit odd yet familiar. I was Kaoru at the Shikon, I'm Watanabe here. I suppose the real Kagome isn't welcomed anywhere. I suppose I can deal with that. I suppose I could live this pretty lie all my life if it meant that I could stay with Inuyasha-san, because I love Inuyasha-san.

Oh, Inuyasha-san, I haven't really seen him at all since we've arrived. He told me to make myself comfortable and to stay out of trouble and that's about it. He's been gone most of the week doing this and that with his father and brother, since he moved back to help with the family's company's headquarters. At least that's what he says, the real reason is that we can't be together in Kyoto but can have some hope in Osaka... Either way, he comes back very late each night, I'm usually pretending like I'm asleep by then. He'd check in on me in my room before I heard him go to his, that's when I can finally sleep.

Of course, since we are unwed we sleep in different rooms. Tsukino-sama almost died when she heard that Inuyasha-san and I were going to move in together before we were married, she was very insistent on me moving into the family home until the wedding—which we hadn't even started planning. Yet, Inuyasha-san won the argument with his father's help. As long as we have separate rooms there won't be a problem, I really didn't expect Inuyasha-san to follow that rule but perhaps once he's finished running around all over the place and can settle down some he'll ignore it.

I think Tsukino-sama is purposely keeping him so busy, too, so that we won't see each other much. I know she approves of our marriage, I just don't think she approves of the way we are going about it… I don't blame her, I'm sure it's very improper.

"Inuyasha-san, welcome home," I greeted cheerfully when he came back midway through the day, it was the first time since we moved in that he hadn't been gone from dawn to dusk.

"Kagome," he smiled back before he took me by the hands and pulled me to him, "I haven't seen you awake in too long."

"You are gone too much, Inuyasha-sa—"

"You really are going to annoy me to death if you keep that up," he threatened before our lips met for the first time in a whole week. It's very strange, it makes me almost want to laugh, but I've gone a few months without seeing him and while that hurt it was more agonizing to go this one week without him. Is it because he's… he's mine now? That we are honestly going to have a happily ever after?

No. I shook my head lightly before I rested it upon his chest. No, I shouldn't start acting like a fool now. I've been so sensible this entire time… just because everything is grand now doesn't mean that it will be forever. We are only in Osaka, after all, and that is not as far away from Kyoto as I would like it to be. I'm not lucky enough to be crossing the big blue ocean to another continent where no one knows me.

"Inuyasha-san!" I cried after he had already picked me up into his arms to start to carry me up stairs to where the bedrooms were.

"What did I just say about that?" He scolded, "you don't see me calling you Kagome-san or chan or anything like that."

"That is because you have no manners!" I protested right as we got to his bedroom—the master room. Without a care, he kicked it open—I cringed at the sound.

"Oh? I haven't?" He grinned while he dropped me upon the bed. "You mean like that?"

"Inuyasha-san," I grumbled, he was a difficult, _difficult_, man. I tried to prop myself up on my arms but he put a stop to that with a kiss as he moved on top of me, his hands wandering all about to try and find the best way to get my dress off—oh, the new wardrobe was grand, by the way. I felt bad about it but… Inuyasha-san still gave me a large sum of money to go out and buy western style clothes and such, he says it makes me look different and that no one would recognize me, that and that was the way his family dressed.

"Inuyasha-san," I managed to push him away slightly, "wait."

"Why? Aren't you better?" Yes, thank you for your 'heartfelt' concern, my husband-to-be; I recovered from my cold midway through the week. "It's been _far_ too long." He had a point… what has it been now? Not since I was with him in Osaka last time, I suppose he probably was about to explode from all his pent up sexual tension—though, I'm just as sure he went to another women for duration of my absence—but that didn't change the way I pressed my lips together and pouted.

"I… have a request."

"Anything," he spend, I'm quite sure he was under the impression it was going to be something along the lines of 'let us try it _this_ way or _that_ way'. I'm sure to disappoint him but… I truly, truly wanted it to be like this.

"Can we…" I paused a moment as my gaze wondered about his face, "not… do this until our wedding night?"

Just as I thought, his face went blank quickly; he was stunned I was sure. It took him a bit more than I thought to find his voice to complain ever so bitterly, "wh-_what_? Why?"

"Please," I kept up as my brows creased and my arms wrapped around his neck, "please? It would mean a lot to me… it would make our wedding night special and most do not even do such a thing before getting married," I stopped briefly, he looked like he was going to say something but I suppose he thought better of it and bit his tongue, "please, Inuyasha-san…?"

He just looked down at me for a while before giving up with a groan and falling down all the way upon me so his face was on the bed—he made sure not to put his full weight upon me, though. "Let's get married soon, then," he grumbled into the bed sheet.

"Tsukino-sama is planning it out—"

"I'll talk to her and speed up the process," he stated as he rolled off of me and on to the bed so he could stare at the ceiling.

"Inuyasha-san," I murmured, "please don't…" was it selfish of me to want a nice wedding? But I don't want a large one, though that didn't matter since Tsukino-sama told me that all Tsukino weddings were a public affair. I hate the idea of so many people staring at me, what if one finds me out?

"Why?" he grunted.

"Tsukino-sama would be upset if you did that."

"I don't give a shit if it pisses Shiori off. I'm fine with you, me, and a person to make it official and nothing more. She's going to make it too… too… big and extravagant."

I'd be fine with that, too, as long as it was Inuyasha-san, me, and 'a person to make it official' in a pretty location, with some flowers spewed about. Perhaps on the beach? I turned to prop myself up on elbow so I could get him to look at me, "Tsukino-sama is your—"

"She's not related to me in the least bit," he spat, "she doesn't like me, I don't like her."

"I don't think—"

"You don't know what you are talking about."

I suppose he's right so I looked away, "do as you want, Inuyasha-san."

Silence overtook the room before I felt his arms warp around my waist so he could flip me over and onto my back, "I'm going to die if you keep calling me that."

"Inuyasha—" I laughed but his lips stop the end from coming out.

"I'll agree to… what you want," he began as he pulled me closer, "if you agree to call me just Inuyasha."

"But—"

"At least when it's just the two of us."

It was so wrong… but, I managed a smile for him nevertheless, "fine, Inu… Inuyasha."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

So familiar… so very familiar… the way she waltzed around as if she was walking on nothing but air, the way her hips swayed side to side, the way her dress emphasized her ample curves. It beckoned a memory that shouldn't have been so hard to find, to release, to recall. What was it?

Her ebony waves weren't right, the way she smiled and radiated innocence seemed wrong as well. Then it came back with an 'ah', her doppelganger. The rag doll, oh, how he could reminiscence about that stormy night. The blood that was shed, shivers of sick pleasure brought the cold, wrathful killer to life in a way he hadn't in so long.

Oh, naive youth, he's been inside her bedroom and the thought made him want to murder half the town and leave her love notes upon their headstones like the good old days. He could fill the graveyard if it meant he could have her once more, a moonlit massacre just to smell her softness.

She turned down the street, her pretty blue dress flowing in the wind so flawlessly—the carnivorous, lusting monster had to track her down. He wanted her stuffed inside his palace, to hold her down and tear her open, to bring life within her. Oh, but he'd never kill her… never _hurt_ her but he'd grind against her bones until their marrows mixed. He'd take her slowly… just like she beckoned for.

It had been too long since so much blood rushed through his veins. She'll be his servant, so pale and perfect, such unholy heaving. There's catastrophe in everything that he touches, as he'll sweat and crush her. The thrill he'd feel to hold her beating chambers until they beat no more.

She'd die like deity's dance...

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I turned about just then to see a wave of people behind me… I constantly scanned about for the pair of prying eyes that I'd felt upon me for too long now. It made my hair stand up, it was so intense, so sickening, so…

"Kagome," and just like that all my anxiety faded, "did you get lost?"

"No," I assured my husband-to-be as I took a few steps over to him, "I just took a longer route, it's such a lovely day and I didn't think you'd be ready on time anyway. You never are."

"Keh," he scoffed with a roll of his eyes, "you shouldn't do that, there are some really fucked up people that live in this city. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Inuyasha-san," because we were in public I knew he'd allow it, and because it just made me feel far more comfortable, "I grew up in Kyoto, there are some pretty strange people there, too."

"I suppose…" he grumbled before he nodded for me to follow him to another family dinner at his parent's place. I knew he hated to go to them but Tsukino-sama kept inviting us and I couldn't say no to my future step-mother-in-law? Oh, what joy.

* * *

**A/N:** Anyone a Ludo fan? If so, I think you'll be able to figure out I've been listening to them a whole lot from this chapter. I highly recommend the song The Horror Of Our Love.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and please review!


	15. Malice

**| { Confound : Chapter 15 } |**

**||.****Malice****.||**

"Well, then it's settled," Tsukino-sama stated as she set her utensils down and whipped her lips free of any debris from another divine meal, "the wedding will be in two months. That gives us plenty of time to set up a proper ceremony and give notice to everyone we wish to invite."

Everyone she wanted, I could tell that Inuyasha-san was thinking the same thing as he scoffed something under his breath and glanced to me. I honestly think he was telling the truth when he said he only wanted the two of us to be present… I don't know what to think of that. Either Inuyasha-san is ashamed of me or he just doesn't like many people… which makes me ponder how I really do not know my husband-to-be well. I hope that changes.

"Watanabe-san," Tsukino-sama smiled to me only the way she could, it was a bit eerie… as if she was trying her utmost to be kind yet was disturbed at the same time. I have never seen her smile in a different way, not even to her husband, so I don't take any personal offense to it.

"Yes, Tsukino-sama?"

"Please, since we are going to be family, call me Shiori," she requested before she hit the target with a piercing arrow, "do you wish to have a large family or a small one? A large family tends to be a hassle, two to three children should do, don't you think?"

I'm sure my usual façade faltered right then as I swallowed a choke and managed to regain my smile, "yes, I do." I would be more than fine with simply one child but… that will never happen.

I felt as if the walls were closing in, the ceiling falling about me, the air thickening to a point in which it would no longer enter my lungs, so I excused myself shortly after and walked out onto the balcony. I walked to the very edge of it to place my hands upon the railing so I could stare out to nothing but the ocean as dusk began to set in, everything was tainted with so many colors. I think I was truly shaking some before I felt a hand upon my shoulder.

"Sorry," Inuyasha-san mumbled as he stepped aside so he could look at me and lean against the railing all at once, "didn't mean to scare ya'."

"Inuyasha-san," I muttered before looking away again, "I can't… I can't… I…" I can't ever give him an heir, any children, a family… I should have told him before he proposed, before I accepted, before all of this but it has been impossible for me for so long that I just didn't think about it until that moment.

"It's alright," he soothed, "I know."

"No," I really doubt he understands what I was getting at, "we can't… really marry—"

"Kagome, stop," he ordered rather harshly, "we'll talk about it when we're at home, alone."

How I dread the very idea… I really, truly, want to give Inuyasha-san a family. I love him. I'd love to have children with him… but we can't have everything we want. I should be content with the fact that I get to marry the man I love, not everyone does. I should be fine with the fact that I am free from the Shikon. I should be… I am. I need to stop wishing for what I cannot have, it is selfish…

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Inuyasha-san," Kagome began as they walked into their home, "what I was talking about before… what I was trying to tell you—"

"Kagome," he grumbled, "we're alone, it's _Inuyasha, _right?"

She meekly turned to look at him then nodded, "yes, sorry, but—"

"You worked at a brothel, you can't have kids, those two things come hand in hand," he shrugged before grasping her hands in his, "don't worry about it."

At least she could have a sigh of relief at the fact that he knew and still wanted to wed but… "Inuyasha," she still struggled to omit the 'san', "isn't it wrong… then? I can't ever give you an heir… I want to, but I can never and Shiori-sama will be upset if too long passes and we never have children. Won't your father, too?"

"What's really important to the Tsukino name is that Sesshomaru finally gets his lazy ass married and has a son, as long as that happens it doesn't matter what we're doing."

"Truly…?" She mused as he took a step closer so that their bodies were almost pressed upon each other, "but… don't you want a family?"

"I'm not good with kids, I'm fine never having any," more than fine, that's certainly what he preferred, "so stop worrying about it, alright?"

"Alright, if you say," she nodded before he leaned in to give her a quick kiss.

It took a great deal more will power than he'd like to use to pull away and not take her there… honestly, he didn't understand why it mattered if they waited and now he had to hold back for _two_ whole months? It very well may kill him, but because she could give him that absolutely innocent appearing pout he'd restrain himself. Gods know he didn't want to… at least he found solace in the fact that once they wed he wouldn't have to hold back at all. She'd be his and his alone.

And, in the end, what more mattered?

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x | }

"Good morning, Shiori-sama," I greeted with a pleasant smile as one of her maids allowed me into the family home. Only a few of my days have been spent at Tsukino's home family, I really do not like going there without Inuyasha-san but Shiori-sama sent for me so I had to come. Apparently she wanted to talk more of the wedding, even though I know she did not like me much, I think it brought her some joy to be planning the ceremony. After all, when you had as much money as the Tsukino family why wouldn't it be a fun activity for Shiori-sama?

"Good morning, Watanabe-chan," that was the first time she called me that… it was a bit odd, but I suppose if I can call her by her first name, she can call me by my false one whatever way she would like. "I have someone I'd like to introduce you to," she smiled—her flawless fake one—as she waved me into the living room to come sit beside her.

It wasn't until I was there and situated that I finally glanced to the guest that sat across from us. Never before had I felt such a rush of fear consumed all of me, never before have my eyes widened so much, never before had I… I don't know. Why… why was this happening?

"Watanabe-chan," I barely heard Shiorir-sama say, "this is Naraku Onigumo, he is the new chief of police of the area and a dear friend of the family. When he heard that our youngest son was getting married he wanted to come and pay his respects. Isn't that kind of him?"

I couldn't speak no matter how much I might have wanted to, so I simply nodded.

"What is truly remarkable is that once I told him your name he says that he knows of you and your family," Shiori-sama nearly sang. Was it because that verified my past more to her?

But… oh gods, he couldn't know the Watanabe family, at least not the one that Inuyasha-san made up… it never existed. I could feel the sting of air upon my eyes; I hadn't blinked in so long…

"Yes," he finally spoke, the sickest smirk upon his lips—how did Shiori-sama not _see_ that? How did she not convulse in contempt at the very sight? "It was a tragedy, what losing your family like that, Kagome-chan," I felt like vomiting hearing him speak my true name… he should never know it. No, no, no… I never wanted to hear his acid laced charm of a voice to say my real name. "I'm glad to see that the Tsukino family is taking you in."

"We are happy to, my youngest is so bewitched by her," Shiori-sama shined as she placed a hand upon my shaking shoulder.

His smirk only curled into a larger one as his brown—almost red—eyes wondered about me.

No, no, no… this wasn't happening. Please, _please_, no. Anyone else can find me… anyone, I don't care who, just not him. What was I to do? He knew me, he knew Kaoru… he could—no, will—ruin it all.

Somehow I managed to sit through the pleasantries of our meeting, somehow I was able to add in commentaries whenever Shiori-sama needed me to, somehow I managed not to vomit, somehow I kept breathing.

"G-Goodbye, Shiori-sama," I bowed my head, "Naraku-sama."

"Let me walk you home," he offered.

"That is a fine idea," Shiori-sama replied, "you can never be too safe."

"Yes, even during the day I doubt it is a wise idea for such a lovely lady to be walking around by herself. You should know that," I knew he was addressing me, "since you are from Kyoto."

"Th-thank you," I sped, "but I will be fine, I do not want to trouble you."

"It's not trouble at all," he assured me. When I looked up I saw that I could not argue without angering Shiori-sama so I took a deep breath and nodded my head as he led me out of the gated front yard and onto the street.

I truly wished I would die at that very moment. My stomach turned like never before, I felt a knot form low in my gut as I clasped my hands tightly in front of me. I'd just stare at the ground, I'd just walk slightly behind him like proper, I'd just focus on keeping the air coming in and out of my lungs that felt as if they were going to burn and bust.

"Well, haven't you moved up in the world," he chuckled that god-awful laugh that had forever been imbedded deep in my mind. It was the thing my nightmares were made of…

I just nodded; what could I say? How could I form any words?

Then my worst worry became real as he reached to grasp my wrist and yanked me down an empty alley. All of me shook then like never before, I could feel my knees give way, if it weren't for the wall he pushed me upon I would not be able to stay up.

I want to die… make it stop.

"We both have moved up," he taunted as he lifted his hand to my face so his fingers could trace my jaw line. "You must remember me from the way you tremble at my touch," somehow I got the instant intuition that he got the wrong impression… as if he thought I _liked_ it. How could I like it? I want to burn every inch of skin that he touched.

"Then you know that I know," he whispered as he took a step closer, "that you are nothing more than a whore. Does your husband-to-be know? Is he stupid enough to want to take _dirt_ as a wife?"

"No," I stuttered, "no, Inuyasha-san, does not know."

If I am found out eventually I can never let anyone know that he knew… it would be shameful if anyone discovered me. All would think he was foolish and reckless but if they thought that he _knew_ of my past then… he'd be the same type of dirt I was. I can save him from that, he can repair his image and his family's if it seems that I tricked him.

I won't let anything happen to Inuyasha-san, I'll protect him no matter what.

"I didn't think so," he murmured as he took another step closer to me, his body was almost against mine so I pushed against the wall behind me more, my eyes still stuck to the ground. I can't look at him.

"I'll tell him," he threatened as he took the only lock of hair that wasn't held up in a bun into his hand, "and his family... _everyone_. What you are doing is _fraud_; you can even go to jail. Seeing as I am the chief of police now, I can make that happen… or I could do nothing."

He wrapped my hair around his knuckles once before yanking far too hard to force my face up to look at him; I closed one eye as I pressed my lips to keep from yelping.

"Do you want me not to tell anyone? Not to put you in prison?"

I just nodded.

"Then you are _mine_," he said the word as if it was his, as if no one else in the world had ever spoke it, as if it meant the world… and it did. He leaned close enough to have his lips upon my ear, "whenever I want."

I truly almost slid down the wall but I couldn't because he grasped my arms… if I agreed then my life would be no different than it was just over a week ago. I would be the same whore as before… but what happens if I say no?

Inuyasha-san… will you understand?

"What do you say, bitch?" he dragged out his words before he licked my ear.

"Yes," I have to… for Inuyasha-san's sake.

His grip upon me hardened as he pulled me closer then turned me around so my front was pressed against the wall. Fine, I'll close my eyes, I'll… I'll summon Kaoru back. Please, please, Kaoru, come back.

I really need you, more so than ever before… you weren't real when I first met him. So come back… come back.

I felt his hands slide down my side to pull at the fabric of my dress.

Inuyasha-san, you love me, right? You have to love someone you ask to marry you… you at least cared for me back when you were not the only man I saw… will you understand this then? Will you understand that I only allow him to touch me in such a manner because of my love for you? Please do, I can't bear the thought of you hating me.

My dress was yanked up over my hips; he pulled me so my legs were spread.

I don't want to let this happen… not again, please not again.

Am I never meant to be free?

Is this punishment for trying to live a fairy-tale life in this corrupt, cruel world?

Kaoru didn't come… Kaoru wouldn't have cried.


	16. Misery

** | { Confound: Chapter 16 } |**

**||.Misery.||**

"Did you need to use up all the hot water in the world?"

I jumped with a gasp as I grasped the robe that I was wearing tighter right where it would part on my chest.

"Kagome," Inuyasha-san laughed… he laughed, usually I would love to hear that but not now… now I felt so sick from the very sound… "I was just kidding."

"I'm sorry, I just didn't notice you there," I hadn't expected him to be there as I opened the door after… I don't know how long of a bath I took. It felt as if I used up all the hot water in the world, I needed to, it didn't cleanse me like I would have liked but... it didn't matter.

Dirt just turned to mud when water was added, didn't it?

"I can't wait until we're married," he grinned—gods, it hurt to see him so carefree—as he lifted his hand to cup my face, "then I don't have to wait for you to finish."

We can just bathe together; I know that was what he wanted. It doesn't matter anymore, so I gripped his hand that was to my cheek and opened my mouth to invite him to my bedroom, to take me there. What better way to purge myself then through him?

But you spoke before I got the chance, "I agree with you, now that I've thought about it. I think it's for the best that we wait two months. It's just two months, after all. We'll have our lives to make up for that lost time."

"You…" of course you would, because the world just had to be against me, "you do?"

"Yeah," he leaned just close enough for a quick kiss before he placed his hands on my back and pulled me into an embrace. "I love you."

Oh, Inuyasha-san, you know exactly how to pierce my heart right threw better than any knife. You mean well, you just said the three words I'd die to hear, but you killed me all the same… I held my breath until I noticed you were waiting for me to say something back, haven't I told you I loved you before? "I… I… love you, too, Inuyasha."

I kissed you, to soothe the worry that was barely upon your face. I wrapped my arms around your neck and yours went around my waist.

I want you, Inuyasha-san. Just you. Only you… I swear, all I do is for you. I am protecting you… I am. I… don't know what to do. I have no idea what to do. What do I do? Forever am I to be for two? Can't I just be Inuyasha-san's?

Can't I be yours?

What if you find out… what if you leave me? Then what? Am I just to be his…? No. If that ever happens, if you leave me, if I loss you, if you hate me, if all I do is for not, if he… I just couldn't go on. I couldn't.

I won't.

"It's hard," he grinned as he pulled away, "to hold off for that long, still."

"We don't need to," I protested as quick as I could.

Your smile faltered before you kissed me on my forehead, "nice try, I have to go out tonight for business. Do you want to come with?"

"Where to?" I murmured as I leaned more into his embrace, his warm, loving, hold.

"A dinner party, please come, I don't want to have to sit through it with just my father. Shiori is not going to be there, thank the gods, but the clients' wives will be there."

"Anything for you, Inuyasha," really, I hope you never know how true those words are…

I'm a terrible person.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

'A dinner party' was not what she would have called the outing, dinner should have been omitted. It was only a matter of minutes before it turned it to nothing but a high society mixer.

He fit in so well.

Like a proper wife—ha, she couldn't even think like that—she mingled, smiled, and did everything she ought to, including promoting her husband-to-be and his family's company whenever the chance came along.

Yet, when she wanted to leave, he wanted to dwell.

Like a good girl—still, her mind wouldn't agree to that—she did as he said and walked about the crowded room as he did business. A woman had no place in such talk.

Then there was that yell.

Nightmares marred her mind at the sound, the familiar rusty, rude, ruthless tone that made her heart stop. Then there was a grasp upon her shoulders, the rough, hefty hands that pulled her to the side.

To her own private little hell.

"Tomorrow, you won't get away," he whispered before he left, it was only a minute or two after that that her betrothed found her still petrified in the exact spot, her hands clasped before her, her unblinking eyes locked to the wall.

"Kagome?" His voice snapped out of her horror, "you OK? Do you want to go?"

"I'm fine," she meekly managed before he placed his hand right where she could still feel the heat of _his_—the menace, the monster.

_You won't get away_… rang out in her head as her fair haired love led her out of the palace like place. She had gotten away last time… last time he hadn't done more than raise her dress before one of his subornation officers beckoned him. Never before in all her life had she been so relieved, so happy, to hear that someone had been killed… he was bitter but had to leave without even getting started, swearing to see her soon and taking ample delight in the fact that tears were streaming down her face.

She had not wanted to 'soon' to come so quickly… the worst of it, she knew right where he meant for them to meet and… she'd have to beckon to his call.

"Sleep with me tonight," he rested as they stepped into their home, "I'll behave."

He would, she knew it, there really wasn't anything else she wanted in all the world that night then to sleep in the arms of the man she loved… there really wasn't anyway she'd elude the nightmares even in his caring embrace.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o **x **o** x | }

Inuyasha-san, you had no idea that once you left the bed so did all the warmth you gave me. Inuyasha-san, you had no idea once you kissed me goodbye and went on your way to work that I, too, would leave the illusion of our happy home to the horror of a hotel.

At least I could have a few moments to compose myself since he hadn't shown up.

Was I doing the right thing?

Was there another way?

Should I just tell Inuyasha-san instead of going through with this? Instead of betraying his trust?

"You're here already," gods, how I hated to hear him as he closed the door behind him and _locked_ it. There was no escaping this time, no one would burst in to save me, I'd have to stay…

Because there was no other way…

Inuyasha-san, I swear, there isn't. What would happen if I got you involved? Your business would be hurt, your family's name scared, but what happens if I… I do this? As long as it stays between just the two of us then… then you'll be fine.

Just don't ever find out about it, OK?

"Take your clothes off," no, that was so like the order you used to give me, Inuyasha-san.

And just like I did for you, I did for him… but there's a difference between the two of you, I promise. I love you, I didn't ever mind doing this for you, I came to enjoy it even.

I hated to allow my pretty dress—that you bought me—to fall upon the cold floor. I hated letting him touch my bare body before he slammed me against the bed, belly down. His hands ravishing about, feel the softness, to taint me as he raised my hips and… and…

I'm glad that you've agreed to the two months apart, Inuyasha-san. You would have been able to tell that I… you just would have been able to tell. He's not a nice man; he was banished from the Shikon by even the former Madame that didn't care for us like Kikyou-sama did…

Maybe I should never have left there after all.

Maybe marriage is a mistake.

Maybe I should go.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

_Kikyou-sama,_

_I was so happy to get your letter. I'm glad to hear that you have safely arrived at your new home. I'm sure that Eri-chan will do fine as the new Madame. She always wanted to take your place, anyway. _

_Suikotsu-san is treating you well, isn't he? That's splendid._

_I've become situated here, as well. The Tsukinos are nice; I like them a great deal. I love Inuyasha-san a great dea, tool. There is nothing I want more than to live a happy life with him. I really do. Everyone thinks we are to be married a little under a month. But…_

_Kikyou-sama, I don't know who else I can talk to about this. I am sorry to burden you with my worries and my mistakes but I can't just bottle this up and pretend like there is nothing wrong. I think Inuyasha-san has noticed my odd behavior. I try to act normal, as if nothing is the matter, but I can't... I can barely allow Inuyasha-san to touch me. I just really have to tell someone. I have to tell you. I am sorry._

_About a month ago this man from the Shikon that has found me out. I have not told Inuyasha-san, I can't worry him. I am taking care of this problem the only way I know how to. I hate this man, a great deal. I hate him. I fear him more so though, I don't know what to do. I am lost. I don't think I should have left the Shikon. _

_The world is too cruel. I am not meant to live a fairytale life. Am I? It would be better for Inuyasha-san if I left. It is better to have a wife-to-be flee than to have a wife end up being found out as a harlot. It would only hurt his image for a bit. I just have to leave._

_I love Inuyasha-san. I just can't go through with it anymore. I am protecting him by leaving, aren't I? _

_Or am I just being selfish? Am I running to keep the devil from touching me again? I'm unsure... I just can't take it.  
_

_I don't know where I will go but I will send you a letter when I get there._

_Please don't worry about me,_

_Kagome_

She had felt so much better after just writing to her words, just telling her secret sorrow to someone, but by no means had she ever meant to send the letter, to actually burden her beloved former Madame with her current circumstance.

So why was it she couldn't find the letter? She shouldn't have left it on the counter! What if Inuyasha found it? What if he read it? Panic struck her deep as she hurried about the house looking every which way for it; that was all she had done all day yet… it was nowhere.

"Kagome," she cringed at the sound of her soon to be husband's voice call up to her. There was no worry, no malice hidden in his words so she just bit her lip as she walked to the top of the stairs to look down at him. "What are you doing?"

The place was a bit of a mess from her excursion that was why he couldn't keep his eyes on her. She took a deep breath before finding a smile, "I'm sorry. I… I miss placed a letter, that's all. I've been looking everywhere for it."

"Oh," he murmured before looking up to her, "the one to Kikyou? I saw it on the counter and mailed it out for you."

She gripped the railing quickly and with all her strength kept her smile suited, perhaps it would get lost in the mail? It was a long way from Osaka to Riems, France, after all.

Not that it would matter… what was the worst thing that could occur? She sends her back another with her advice? No. She wouldn't even do that… because she told Kikyou how she was leaving in that letter.

There wouldn't even be a point to mailing one to the address she'd be abandoning.

"Is everything OK, Kagome?" Inuyasha inquired as he walked up the stairs to meet her at the top, "you look a little pale."

"Fine, I'm fine, what would you like to eat tonight, Inuyasha-sa," she stopped herself, "Inuyasha?"

"You don't need to cook," he assured her before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek, "I'll take you out to eat instead."

"Thank you," she murmured as she watched him walk away.


	17. Marooned

**| { Confound: Chapter 17 } |**

**||.Marooned.||**

Packing… I have never felt so empty, so happy, and so miserable all at once.

Empty, just like the drawer.

Happy, just like the sun filled day outside.

Miserable, just like I have every day this month.

Inuyasha-san, I'm sorry, I won't be here when you get back from work today. In the end, it's for the best, I promise. I swear. I'm sure… I'm not taking that much, just a few dresses and all that I came with. I don't want to leave but I really do. I yearn to be by your side… but I almost convulse at the thought of letting him even see me once more let alone _touch_ me.

I can't.

Done, my bag was finished, all was over, my letter to Inuyasha-san giving a false reason for leaving was properly set upon my pillow. I wish I could tell you the truth but then you'd hate me… I suppose you probably will once I leave anyway. Then the worst possible thing could have happened… I heard the door open and _slam_ shut. I heard him stomp around downstairs before throwing something about and running up stairs.

I held my breath as I pushed my bag under my bed. He moved past my bedroom, then stop, and came back to push my door open. I just barely got up to sit on my bed in time.

Oh my, did you ever look pissed off, "are… are you alright?"

You didn't say anything as you shut your eyes and dragged your hand across your face, walked in, and shut the door behind you.

Oh no…

"God fucking damn it," you were one to curse but never around me, I only heard such language when you thought I wasn't nearby and your brother was bothering you. Every sense of mine followed you as you paced about the room, your hands clenched so tightly your knuckles were beyond white, "goddamn… Onigumo… damn it all to hell."

Everything froze, my world, my body… you kept saying this and that but I barely heard anything and even if I was paying attention I doubt I would have understood your growling curses.

"I-I-Inuyasha," I gasped, "I… I can explain."

You stopped rather abruptly midway through the room, "explain… how could you…?"

It took all my strength to form a few stumbled words, to pull my legs up on the bed and kneel on the end of it so I could be closer to you, "I… I am so sorry. H-he… he knows me from… from Shikon and—and he… I didn't have a choice. As long as he knew I didn't…"

Then the most peculiar thing happened, you cocked a brow and looked away, "what… what are you talking about, Kagome?"

He doesn't know? Then why was he so mad? Why did he say the devil's name? Why…? What the hell's going on?!

"Wh-what were you talking about…?" I meekly mumbled as my hands grasped the sheets on my bed more.

"What the fuck does it matter?" He snarled as he took a step closer, "what the hell does Onigumo know? What did you do?"

Goddamn a guilty conscious, it always makes everyone so paranoid. He wasn't even talking about me! I should have just bit my tongue, I should have just waited to see what he was talking about, I should have… what the hell is wrong with me?

"Kagome!" I jumped at the viciousness in his voice, "tell me right now!"

"He…" then something just snapped inside of me as my eyes wandered _anywhere_ but at him, it was like… everything was placed on hold; my emotions were held back, my mind just jumped to explain. So, I told him everything, "he was my first client ever… he bid on me," like all men did on the 'virgin goods' of a brothel, my innocence was given away for three times the normal price of a night at the Shikon, the former Madame told me that was fabulous and that I should be _proud_ of it—how the hell could I be? What was there to be proud of?

I was a whore, for heaven's sake.

"He won, he… was my first, he was so," I mused over telling him the deadly details, how I wasn't able to work for three weeks after him and his brutality… well, that and the visit to the doctor we all had to do after our first time. I think, though, it was mostly him. "He was banned from the Shikon even by the former Madame… I hadn't seen him since then I ran in to him a month ago and… and he remembered me… he said that in less I do as he said he would tell everything and, Inuyasha-san," I dared to look at the sizzling man, "I didn't want him to ruin your reputation so… so I had to agree, I _had_ to."

"Agree to _what_?"

I couldn't tell him…

"Kagome," he dragged out my name as he took a step closer to me then a bigger one backwards as he ran his hand through his hair, "fuck, Kagome, you better tell me right now…"

Or what?

"Kagome! Now!"

I shook before I looked away, "he wanted… to… he wanted me to… with him…"

You got it; I know you did, why else would you have picked up that vase and throw it against the wall. Causing the worst crashing, clashing noise as the shattered pieces sprinkled in a glimmering way to the grubby ground.

"I-Inuy—"

"Don't say my name!" I couldn't look, I could tell from your tattered voice how much I hurt you… I'm so sorry, I never wanted you to know. "Why didn't you tell me!? Goddamn it! I got you out of the Shikon so you could stop acting like a whore! What?! Is that really all you _are_!? Is that all you are good for!? Fuck! Kagome! You're supposed to be my fucking fiancée! You aren't supposed to _fuck_ anyone else! Is that a hard concept for you to get!?"

"N…" I couldn't, I just bit my lips together as I closed my eyes, allowing just a few tears to stream down my cheek.

"That's really why you didn't want to fuck for two months, isn't it!? Here I thought that it was… it was for us but it was for him!"

I just shook my head, no… no it wasn't.

"Of all the people you could betray me with, _why_ did it have to be him!?"

Betray… I didn't mean to. I didn't. I love you. I do.

"You should have come to me! You aren't supposed to be a whore anymore! You aren't meant to solve all your goddamn problems with fucking a man! God! I was wrong about you, wasn't I!? All those times… that Kikyou told me that your type and mine are from a different fucking world, she was right, wasn't she!? I could take you out of that goddamn place but that doesn't mean you will ever stop being a prostitute, does it!? Fuck, Kagome!"

I leaned forward and covered my face in my hands; I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore.

You didn't say anything anymore… you just left, you left me… for good... was that your intention when you slammed the front door so hard that the hinges almost came off?

I had to go; it shamed me to stay… it shamed you. You didn't want me to stay anyway, now did you?

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Night cascaded across the fading summer's sky. The busy bustling streets of the vice filled side of Osaka took over as the masses of men bumming around here and there came out. Sex, drugs, beer, and more kept them from their lovely façades of happy homes. Those of pride and authority were the worst, the most prominent boasting about the streets at such late hours.

One boasting drunken chuckle beat the others for the prowler's attention. Two times the man managed to isolate himself… his demi-demon eyes wondering about as if in search of something, someone… yet he was never out of ear shot enough, never out of sight enough… until he finally _was_.

Truly, he hadn't any idea what was coming. Really, the other hadn't any clue why he was doing what he did. Alone, just the two of them…

Blood pooled through their veins, leaked out here and there, bruised muscles, scraped skin. It was a constant clash, a fist for a knee, an elbow for a foot… until one had the upper hand, until one grasped the others head, until that one snapped the other's neck.

Ding, dong, the demi-demon died as the sky cried.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o **x **o** x | }

I don't know what I was doing as I sat about the beach far from his home… what was to be our home. It was rather ridiculous to be sitting on a soaking beach as the rain poured down upon me, as the waves crashed about, as the thunder followed the spill of lightening.

I got up, took a few deep steps in the sand towards the violent waves. The sand continued to seep in through my toes until the tainted gray water clashed up to my chest. Then it didn't matter if I wanted to walk any further or not, the waves would take me with each pulsing pull outwards. I lost my breath as the water yanked me under, deeper until the current couldn't break free.

Not ever, though, would I actually do that, I had contemplating it a few too many times but… no, I love life. Well, no, love isn't the right word. I can't give up on it, it's not mine to take. It's not the best one, it's not the worst one… I can't give up just because I have no heart left to break. What if it gets better?

I suppose I shouldn't believe in magic or happy endings. Obviously, that hasn't been going well for me.

I just didn't want to give up yet.

Inuyasha-san wouldn't want me back; I don't want to go anyway. At least I can find solace in the fact that I will not have to see him anymore… but I won't see you anymore. I miss you. I love you. Can you still possibly feel anything for me…?

I suppose I should worry about more important things. I haven't anywhere to go… I don't know anyone outside of the Shikon. I can't really go back there, I don't want to and Eri-chan—while a sweet girl—would be hell to work for, I'm sure.

What do I do?

Where do I go?

"There you are," no, really? Seriously? Could I not catch a break? But… of all the people to go looking for me, I pressed my lips as I turned my head to look at the stoic Sesshomaru-sama as he stood there. No umbrella, drenched in rain almost as much as I was. "It would appear you have heard the news…"

The news? I searched every inch of him trying to figure out what he meant as he took a few steps closer to me. I would _not_ make the same mistake twice in the same day… wait, was it even the same day? So I just kept my lips pressed as he… he held out a hand for me?

"Come with me," he requested and without a thought I grasped my hand to his as he pulled me to my feet. I don't know why but I felt as if his hand lingered on mine a little longer than need be before he turned around to lead me back up to the sidewalk.

What happened…?

Wait, I stopped walking, it didn't take Sesshomaru-sama any time to do the same. I can't go with him or else I might see… I just shook my head. I can't. I don't want to. No.

"This must be difficult…" he mumbled, I could tell he'd rather not bother with me and my feelings. There was something that was eating away at the usual calm and careful man. Not that I knew much about my once-to-be future-brother-in-law. "It's terrible for the entire family. You were once supposed to become a Tsukino, now that…" he looked away, "either way, you have to act like one. Pull yourself together."

What… is going on?

Did he know? Did Inuyasha-san tell them? What the _fuck_ was going on? My mind couldn't take it; I just gave up and followed Sesshomaru-sama to the car that was waiting idly there for us.

Honestly, what is the worst thing that could happen? I already lost everything, what more was there for the world to take?


	18. Murder

**| { Confound: Chapter 18 } |**

**||.Murder.||**

I was as silent as Sesshomaru-sama as we went… wherever we were going. It took, I don't know, maybe ten? Fifteen? Twenty? Minutes to get to the dreadful destination, he held out his hand to help me out—like any gentlemen would, I suppose. It wasn't until we took our first steps on the stairs up to the building that I realized what it was…

I couldn't walk anymore, I couldn't breathe, I almost collapsed right there as I stared awe-struck… the police station? Why?

"What are you doing?" Sesshomaru-sama nearly hissed as he turned on the top stair to stare down at me, "I told you to keep it together."

I'm so lost… was it the fraud charges? Did Naraku tell? Did Inuyasha? What the hell…?

"W-What are we doing here?" I stuttered as Sesshomaru-sama took a few steps down to grasp my wrist to pull me up the stairs. I didn't want to go, but I didn't have a voice to protest as he burst through the door.

"Sesshomaru," Shiori-sama murmured, she looked so devastated… what was going on? Her eyes wandered to me and there was no disgust, no malice in them but only… pity? Why? I suppose if that's the case she doesn't know about me, because Shiori-sama would hate me for being a lying whore not feel sorry for me.

Then I glanced over to Tsukino-sama, he was the only one who had not lost his composure as he spoke to someone on the other side of the room in a complete 'hush-hush' sense.

"Do you want to see him…?" Shiori-sama inquired.

"Do you really think that's such a good idea?" Sesshomaru-sama countered.

"I don't see how it could really hurt…"

"I don't see how it could really help."

See who? I just kept glancing between the two as they stared at one another, that's it… I can't take it. I want to know what's going on. "I'll… see him?"

Whoever 'him' is.

Sesshomaru-sama just rolled his eyes as he wandered over to where his father was while Shiori-sama came over and placed a hand on my shoulder as she led me to a hallway, "just go straight down there… I can't bear to see him right now."

A nod was all I could muster up before I slowly, shakily, made my way, midway down I had to lean against the wall to regain myself. With a breath in, one… two… three… then a breath out, I felt fine enough to walk down to the end where there was nothing but… holding cells? The one at the very end held no one, the one to my left held no one, and the one to my right…

"Kagome," Inuyasha-san, I had never been so relief yet repulsed to hear his voice in all my life so I pressed my lips and turned to see him.

"Inuyasha-san!" I gasped as I covered my mouth and ran up to the bars, "what happened? Your head is bleeding!"

"It's nothing," he assured as he got up from where he sat to come over to me, I contemplated move away from him but… didn't. I stayed completely still as he leaned against the same bar I did before he reached his hand out to cup my face and caress it with his thumb.

"Why… are you in jail?" I murmured behind my hand.

"No one told you?"

I just shook my head.

"I _supposedly_ killed Naraku Onigumo," his eyes shifted across my face, surely trying to figure out how I felt about that but… I just froze up; I'm sure nothing appeared or disappeared there. Did I hear that right? Inuyasha-san _killed_ Naraku Onigumo? Killed… as in dead? Dead forever? Dead never to come back? Dead… never to touch me again?

"They really don't have much proof," he assured me as he withdrew his hand to shove it into his pocket, "no one saw us together, as far as I'm aware, and they don't have any idea of why I would do such a thing. No one would, would they?"

I let my stare wonder about his face for a moment before I shook my head and let my hand slide down to my neck, "no… no, no one would."

"Good," he showed me a fleeting, flat smile before he pushed off the bar, "I should—"

"I am _so_ sorry, Inuyasha-san, I am, I really, really, am. This is entirely my fault, I'm—I'm so sorry! I—"

"Shut up, Kagome," he demanded without a hint of hatred in his tone, but a sigh instead, "I should be getting out of here soon, we'll talk about it when we get home, OK?"

When _we_ get _home_? He still wanted me to go home with him…? He still considered it our home? Not just his? I just nodded weakly as I leaned my forehead against the cool steel, at least Naraku is dead… I know I shouldn't take so much comfort in that fact but I really did. I don't think that makes me a horrible person.

"Why are you so wet?"

It took a while to figure out what he meant and a bit longer until I looked up to his puzzled expression, "it's raining outside."

"You are _soaked_."

"It's raining—"

"Why didn't you think to use an umbrella? You are going to catch pneumonia or something," he shook his head as he reached his hand out to touch my exposed sick, "you are freezing."

"Sorry…"

"It's not something to apologize for," he assured, "it's something not to do again, alright?"

I simply nodded, "Inuyasha-san… I'd understand if… you want me to leave."

"I love you," he murmured and though I wanted to look up at him I just closed my eyes and held my heart intact by holding my breath, "we'll talk about it when we get home."

"I love you, too…"

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Well, things didn't go as grand as they had planned. While they hadn't any clue why Tsukino Inuyasha would kill chief of police Naraku Onigumo they were certain he had. The half-breed chief was killed by hand, a snapped neck, and everyone knew the two did not get along but no one thought it was to such a deadly point. Inuyasha also had some bruises and a cut upon his head; it looked like he had been in a fight…

And, better yet, they had a _witness_ that saw them together fight it out in the alleyway. A witness that saw Tsukino Inuyasha start it. A witness that would get him convicted and executed.

"I cannot believe that Inuyasha-kun would do something like this," Shiori stated as her hand lingered upon her chest and she slowly sat down, "you just never know someone… it must be his mother's—"

"Silence, Shiori-san," Inutaisho ordered with folded arms, "my son did not do this. I demand to know who is accusing him of such things. He might have a short temper, he might get in a fight, but he would _never_ kill someone and he would have no reason whatsoever to kill Naraku-sama."

"Tsukino-sama," the officer murmured as he folded his hands upon his desk and leaned forward to the desk, "I am sorry but I cannot release that information yet."

"No," he growled, "this bastard's lies are going to get my son executed. I demand—"

"Give me time, Tuskino-sama, and I will allow you that information."

"I cannot believe this," Sesshomaru-snarled as they left the office, "this is ridiculous. Inuyasha is nothing but a bother. I—"

"Shut up, Sesshomaru," his father bickered, "take Watanabe-san home with you, take care of her until Inuyasha is released. Understand?"

"Yes, father," Sesshomaru grumbled before his molten golden gaze glanced over to the stunned silent, pale as ghost, girl beside him. "Let us go, Watanabe-san."

All he got in reply was a meek nod.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

I was as good as comatose the entire time, Inuyasha-san said he was going to come home; he was so sure… did he just not know what an awful situation he had fallen into? Did he just say that in hopes to keep me optimistic? If only he had stabbed Naraku to death, if only he had shot him, if only he had done anything that I could say I had done. It was my fault after all; I might as well have been the one to kill him.

I _should_ have done that, why didn't I think of that?

But no one would believe that I had been able to break his neck.

"You have to eat something," Sesshomaru-sama stated, a bit detached to the topic as he sat across from me the morning after that hellish day had finished. His eyes scanning the newspaper in his hand, I was grateful he didn't bother to look at me as I meekly tried to muster up some appetite to eat the lovely spread before me.

"Fuck," he cursed below his breath as he slapped the paper down upon the table. I didn't have to ask, I could see one of the leading stores had to do with Inuyasha-san and that devil man…

In the end, I suppose I ruined the man I love's name anyway. Is it better for him to be remembered as a murder or a fool that married a whore? I don't know. I just know this is my fault. For that, I'm sorry, truly, terrible, sorry. I didn't mean to say that aloud, though.

"This is my fault…"

It caught Sesshomaru-sama's vague attention, his pissed gaze glanced up to me with a cocked brow, "why would you say that?"

I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came to mind… "it just is."

"You needn't blame yourself for Inuyasha's own stupidity, this hasn't anything to do with you," Sesshomaru-sama assured me. It touched me… even though there were no feelings behind his words, he still said it, it still made me feel slightly better.

"Sesshomaru-sama," I pressed my lips together before taking a shaky breath, "thank you but…"

"If Inuyasha gets convicted for this," which I could tell from the way he spoke he believed would occur, "obviously, you will not become a Tsukino. What will you do then? Inuyasha says you haven't family."

I shook my head lightly, "I don't."

"Do you have somewhere to go, then?"

"I… I don't want to think about that, Inuyasha-san has to be OK, he has to be…" I gripped my hands tightly before blinking away a few tears and looking away.

"You should prepare yourself for the possibility that he won't."

He did do it, I knew he did, I bit my bottom lip… what would I do? What could I do if I lost Inuyasha-san and it was my fault? I just raised my hand to cover my mouth from a cough or two and try my very best not to start sobbing so shamefully in front of Sesshomaru-sama but I failed at that, like I fail at so much more.

"I am sure Inuyasha-san will leave enough to you that you will not have to worry about your future."

That really didn't make me feel better; I suppose he was aiming for that but… "I don't want Inuyasha-san's money, I don't want his home, I don't want his materials, I just want Inuyasha-san."

"Well," Sesshomaru-sama paused for a while before he got up, "you should prepare yourself for what is most likely to come, Watanabe-san. Inuyasha killed a man, at least they have proof that he did, so he will most likely not return."

I can't go on if he didn't come back… I couldn't.

Whoever the witness was that claimed Inuyasha-san did such a thing… I hope he dies. Is that wrong?

I don't think so. I would do anything to make sure Inuyasha-san is alright. I would do _anything _for Inuyasha-san.

I will.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you for all the reviews. I have to say I'm surprised so many people thought that Inuyasha was dead, I'm glad, that was my goal but I wasn't so sure I achieved it. Anyway, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.


	19. Misdeem

**| { Confound: Chapter 19 } |**

**||.Misdeem.||**

A whole wretched week faded away without a word from my beloved. He didn't come home like he promised; no one could tell me what was going on, either. Not that I bothered Sesshomaru-sama to ask often, just every once and a while, just once a day… because, I was so scared to ask. What if he told me something terrible? That he was convicted? That he was going to be… be… be?

It was strange, time passed but I couldn't really tell. I barely noticed anything; it was as if I was the living dead. I couldn't function like this... I wasn't allowed to leave Sesshomaru-sama's spacious home. The Tsukinos thought that it was for the best that I stay out of public sight, I'd be ridiculed and annoyed too much, they just wanted to keep me safe and their public appearances up. I couldn't be as strong faced as the rest, I knew that, so… I didn't care.

The rain never stopped all week. It just kept coming, the sky was never clear, it was like the whole world lost hope in Inuyasha-san. I haven't, I try not to, but… Inuyasha-san, you really _did_ do it, right? And they had someone that _saw_ you do it… but I still had hope.

Every night was the same. I sat in front of the fire that Sesshomaru-sama would always start as he read a book or the paper or anything; he didn't get out much that week, either. Few if any words were spared between us as I stared aimlessly at the flames. I don't think Sesshomaru-sama is a bad person but I don't think he's necessarily a good person, either. He was a stiff man and a man of few words, but he was as kind to me as he could be which meant he just didn't say anything cruel to me or kick me out of _his_ home.

On the seventh night Sesshomaru-sama started a fleeting conversation, again, "how are you, Watanabe-san?"

"I am fine," I lied, "thank you. How are you today, Sesshomaru-sama?"

"I could be better," he spoke the truth at least, "it would be better if Inuyasha wasn't convicted."

My attention snapped up to him right away, "s-sorry? What did you… say?"

"Yes," he glanced up to me from his paper, "he will be convicted, Watanabe-san. I… need you to prepare yourself. No one will ask you to attend the execution."

I couldn't find my breath then as I grabbed my chest, no, no, no, no, no! This was my fault; Inuyasha-san shouldn't be punished for that! He shouldn't, no… please, gods, no. I'll do anything—take me!—just spare Inuyasha-san.

At some point, I suppose, Sesshomaru-sama got up to kneel down next to me. I could tell he was hesitant to place his hand upon my back but he did it anyway, "life will go on, Watanabe-san. Please regain yourself. I will take you to see him tomorrow if you can compose yourself."

So, just like that I found the air and met his golden gaze, "please, Sesshomura-sama. It would mean the world to me… please."

"I will take you tomorrow, then," he nodded before he helped me to my feet. Did… did his hands linger on mine a bit too long?

No, I was going crazy.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"You have kept yourself together far more than I had anticipated," Sesshomaru praised—well, as much as he could praise someone. His gaze moved from the moving buildings outside the car to the stoic girl beside him.

"Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama," Kagome murmured back.

"You would make a fine addition to the Tsukino family."

That was a great honor; Kagome knew that so she glanced away from the back of the driver's head to him, "thank you…" but she couldn't let go of the way he worded it _'would'_. Would have; not will, not could, but _would_… meaning, she would never.

His eyes lingered about her façade until they met with her hazels, "would you like to become a member of the Tsukino family?"

"Yes," of course she would because then she'd be with Inuyasha. What more could she ask for?

"Then perhaps you may still be able to become one," he offered, "from what I have gathered from all our encounters you are a decent woman. You don't waste words on things that needn't be talked of, you can keep yourself together in such a terrible situation, you are from a well off family thus can act like a proper woman, and you know your place. Demon women are obnoxious, loud, and think too highly of themselves most of the time."

She hadn't anything to say to that, was… was that a _proposal_? Did her possible future-brother-in-law just offer to marry her? That was… just too much, no she lightly shook her head and said the most proper thing, "thank you so much, Sesshomaru-sama."

"I will let you think it over," Sesshomaru proclaimed as he offered her his hand so he could aid her out of the car and lead her up to the police station. It took some time for them to be able to be allowed to go down and see Inuyasha.

"Sesshomaru," Inuyasha grumbled as he leaned against the bars of the cell with his arms tightly folded against his chest, as soon as he saw Kagome behind his half brother he straightened up and let his hands drop to his side, "Kagome."

"I figured she had a right to say goodbye to her once betrothed," Sesshomaru flaunted.

"Asshole," Inuyasha cursed, "don't listen to him, Kagome, everything will be fine."

"Yes, because you were _only_ seen killing that man… I am sure you will get out of here in one piece," he made no point in hiding his sarcastic edge, "what will Watanabe-san do once you are gone?"

"Not that that's going to happen," Inuyasha snarled before looking over to Kagome, "but if it does I'll leave everything to her and she'll be fine. She _won't_ have to go back to Kyoto."

You won't have to return to the Shikon, she was sure that was what he meant so she managed a smile. There was nothing more she wanted to reach out and grab his hands but Sesshomaru was standing there and that was improper so she just grasped her hands together more. "Inuyasha-san, I just want you to be alright. The rest does not matter."

"I'll be fine," he assured.

"But when you aren't," Sesshomaru butted in, "I believe Watanabe-san is a fine women."

That got Inuyasha to cock a brow and suspiciously look over to his bastard of a brother, "uh-huh?"

"She is obedient, she knows her place, and she is quite, I believe she should still become a Tsukino once you are gone."

It only took him a moment to processes what that meant before he went his appalled expression surfaced and his gaze glanced between the two.

"She has been staying with me while you have been in… here," Sesshomaru's disapproving look glanced about, "she has not been the burden I had expected."

"No," Inuyasha protested with a bit of a squeak, "if anything happens to me Kagome gets everything that I have to leave and she doesn't need to marry and she defiantly doesn't need _you_. Fuck, she should take a vow of chastity if anything."

Sesshomaru just smirked, "you ask her to stop living because of your stupid actions?"

"Sesshomaru-sama," she whispered.

"Yes, I will allow you two time alone," he declared with a bow of his head before he moved down the hall back to the waiting room.

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o **x **o** x | }

"Inuyasha-san," I murmured as I reached in to take one of his hands, "I… Inu…"

"Don't cry," he requested as he gripped my hands tighter, "you… are staying with Sesshomaru, really?"

"Yes," I meekly muttered, "but it was your father's idea and I swear nothing has—"

"I know," he grunted, "it just… he pisses me off, fucking asshole. Don't even bother to think about what he said, I'm getting out of here."

"Inuyasha-san," I sighed, "isn't there… a witness?"

"Don't worry about it," he assured me as he pressed my hands to his lips, "you don't know my father very well. He won't allow anything to happen to me, I'm all he has left of my mother. He won't lose her twice."

I hadn't any idea what that meant… I don't know, I just wanted to believe him. I don't want anything to happen to him. "This is my fault."

"Stop saying that."

"It is, if… if, gods forbid, anything does happen," I took a deep breath, "I will take that vow—"

"Kagome, I didn't mean that," he shook his head before his eyes met with mine, "but… I'd rather you do still... I just can't bear the thought of you with anyone else."

"I don't want anyone else," I promised.

"Inuyasha," I jumped as I tried to retract my hands but he wouldn't allow me to. I couldn't even turn to see Tsukino-sama before he was beside me and looking in at his son, "I expect never to be put in the situation again. Do you understand?"

"Sure," he grumbled before finally letting me go so I could step away and a guard could come and open the door to finally let Inuyasha-san out, "I get to go?"

"The witness has changed his mind," the officer scoffed, "apparently he did it. He's confessed and will be executed in a week. You are free to go."

Thank gods, I sighed from the news, but… but didn't Inuyasha-san do it? Why would someone confess to something that he did not do?

"Great, I'm dying for a good bath," Inuyasha-san grinned, "come on, Kagome, let's go home."

"Watanabe-san," Tsukino-sama sighed to me, "please keep my idiot son out of trouble. I cannot deal with this again."

"I will try my best," I swore with a bow of my head before Inuyasha-san placed a hand on my shoulder but was stopped.

"We need to talk for a bit, Inuyasha," Tsukino-sama declared, "I noticed Sesshomaru is here, let him take Watanabe-san home and you can meet her there soon."

"Fine," Inuyasha-san grunted.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

She had waited for him for until the sun set at _their_ home upon the couch in the living room and mistakenly fell asleep before he got home. Though, she lightly noticed the door upon and shut and Inuyasha check on her but she was not yet awake enough to roll off the couch and head up stairs until well after he had left her.

Groggily she found where he had gone, should she bother him if he was in the bathroom? She contemplated knocking a few times before she brushed it off to go to bed. Knowing that Inuyasha would be fine gave her peace of mind, _finally_, which meant she could sleep.

"Kagome?" That stopped her before she had even stepped away from the door, "come in here."

It wasn't until her hand reached out for the doorknob that all her worries returned to her… was he still mad about _that_ incident? Did he want her to leave? Did he not love her anymore? But she still opened the door and stepped into the only place in the entire house that had a light on.

"If you want, we can talk later," she offered as her eyes wandered away from the bathing man.

"I want to talk now, come over here," he requested with a wave of his hand so she did and knelt down next the bath, "obviously we have a lot of issues to sort out."

"Yes," she murmured.

"Granted, I could have handled things better," he shrugged, "I'm sorry for yelling at you like I did."

"No, it's my fault, Inuyasha-san, I'm sorry—"

"Just be quite for now," he asked as he leaned back in the bath more and turned his gaze to looking up at the ceiling, "I love you. It's his fault, not yours, he… the fucking bastard," his grip tightened at the very thought, "when I saw him he laughed about some of the stuff he did..." he made _her_ do. "He deserved to die. How does a fucking bandit become chief of police, anyway? If that doesn't show up fucked up the government is I don't know what does."

"Inuyasha-san?"

"I knew him back when I first lived in Kyoto," he grunted, "he was just a thief then. He's who… who tore Kikyou and me apart the first time. He made it seem like we were betraying each other, it took us a few years to figure out that we were tricked. We sent letters back and forth after that then I finally came back... that stupid fuck."

Oh… she nodded, Kikyou, of course. That would explain why he hated Naraku so much...

"Why would someone confess to a crime they didn't do?" She couldn't help but ponder.

"You think I really killed Naraku?"

Her eyes wirily glanced over to him, "well… didn't you?"

His eyes locked with hers for a while before he sighed and shrugged, "yeah, I did it. But what the hell was I supposed to do? He essentially raped my fiancée, of course I had to at least beat the shit out of him then when we got into it I just snapped his neck as well. I don't regret it. I just couldn't help but think how I didn't ever want him to be near you, I didn't ever want him to be able to think of you, I didn't ever want you to cry like that…"

"Inuyasha-san—"

"Just Inuyasha," he countered.

"Inuyasha," she started again as she grabbed his hand, "thank you. But… why did that man…?"

"Well, he was deep in debt; his family needed money, his child was ill, so my father offered him plenty of money to take care of his family and set it up for them to move to Tokyo to get treatment for their child's illness."

Should she feel bad for that man? He had to die for something he hadn't done but… but she didn't, he was willing to take Inuyasha-san from her so… she just didn't. "I love you, Inuyasha."

"I love you, too," he assured, "now come in here."

"Inuyasha," she lightly laughed.

"I'm serious, take off that dress and come here, I've missed my future wife. I promise we'll still wait for our wedding night to consummate but that doesn't mean we can't be nude together."

She bit back her smile as she undressed before him, just like he once requested every night. She could still feel his eyes evaluate every inch she bared to him before she stepped into the tub and situated herself to lean her back to his chest, his arms wrapped around her right away as her head rested against his shoulder and his chin against her head.

"I really do love you, Kagome," he murmured before kissing her head lightly.

"I truly love you, Inuyasha," she whispered back as their legs intertwined, "I'm so glad you are alright."

"Did Sesshomaru do anything inappropriate while—"

"No, Inuyasha," she laughed, gods, it felt good to be able to laugh like that, "no, don't fret. We barley spoke."

"That's probably why he liked you," he grumbled as he held her tighter, "like hell I'd give you away to anyone, especially _him_."

"I don't want anyone else," she assured as she turned only enough to be able to look up at him, "really, I don't."

"Good," he grinned before kissing her lips and letting his hands wandering below the water, "from now on... no more anyone else but me, got it? And if you get into trouble you _have_ to come to me. You have to. I'm going to be your husband, we have to sort things out together. I'm supposed to protect you. As long as we do all of this then everything will be fine. Let's not have any more drama, alright?"

"Alright, I promise, Inuyasha. I don't want anymore drama, either," she agreed before their lips met again, "no more."

No more drama…? If only, if only…


	20. Mirthful

**| { Confound: Chapter 20 } |**

**||.Mirthful.||**

"Kikyou-sama?" I awed with squinted eyes, is that really her? I tilted my head ever so slightly to the side as the figure moved forward then all at once I smiled and headed towards her, "hello, Kikyou-sama!"

"Kagome-chan!" She hugged me right away before pulling away with her hands upon my shoulders, her chocolate delights scanning over every bit of me, "are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm so happy to see you," I gleamed back, "if only you showed up a week ago you could have come to…" should I say it? I think it'd be a bit cruel so I held my tongue and smiled with pressed lips. "I'm very glad to see you."

"The wedding?" She coaxed as she retracted her hands, "oh, look at that ring," she smiled as she took my left hand where the pink diamond rested, the one Inuyasha-san had given me once before. It was such a beautiful object, my most prized possession because it meant I _was_ Inuyasha-san's and no one but him could have me.

I'm a Tsukino now. For seven days now. How wonderful is that?

Though, the most tragic thing in the world occurred just after our wedding. There was a family emergency, a cousin of Inuyasha's on his father's side, so Tsukino-sama—my father-in-law now—Sesshomaru-sama, and Inuyasha-san all had to leave rather abruptly. We didn't even get our wedding night… I don't think I was _nearly_ as disappointed as Inuyasha-san. He threw such a fit but his father had the last say, as always.

Which is completely fine, he is the head of the Tsukino family.

"Yes, what happened, I thought you went to France?"

"Oh, I did, but then I got your letter and rushed here as quickly as I could," her hand squeezed mine, "what happened, Kagome-chan? Are you alright?"

Letter…? Oh my lord, I completely forgot about that! With the mess Inuyasha-san got himself into I couldn't think about it anything else then the wedding was just around the corner and Shiori-sama beckoned all my time for preparations. "Kikyou-sama, I am so sorry! That letter was not supposed to be sent! I just wrote it down during a terrible time, I didn't mean for Inuyasha-san to send it! I am so sorry you came all this way for nothing."

Relief flushed her as her shoulders sagged and a sigh escaped her lips, "thank the gods, I was so worried."

"Kikyou-sama, you are too kind, I am really sorry, you have come all this way for no reason…"

"Don't worry, Suikotsu-san has come with me, he has family in the area he wanted to visit. So all is fine."

"Suikotsu-san? I would love to meet him if that is alright."

"Yes, yes, of course," she smiled as she wrapped her arms around one of mine, "but he is visiting his brothers right now, for now let's have some tea."

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Oh my, Kagome-chan," Kikyou gasped lightly as she gripped Kagome's hand after the awful ordeal that preceded her wedding was explained. "I am so sorry."

"Kikyou-sama," Kagome smiled as she wiggled her way free to pick up her cup and take a sip, "please do not worry. All ended well."

"No, Kagome-chan, I… it is my fault entirely, I am so sorry," her brows furrowed as she placed her hand in front of her mouth and looked away. "I cannot say I am surprised to hear that Onigumo is finally dead by Inuyasha's hands… he's been wanting to do that for a while now."

"Kikyou-sama?" Kagome coaxed as her hazel gaze hovered about her mentors face.

"I," she took a deep breath as she let her hands rest in her lap, "was the one that Onigumo was most fascinated with at the Shikon. He came to me only a few times, four, I hated each experience… he's an awful man, isn't he? What he does…" she shook her head before finally managing to look over at her, then she paused for a while. Should she speak the full truth or a lovely lie? The sweet child—no matter how much time past, Kagome was still but a child to her—just continued to stare with wonder… the truth would hurt but after all she had been through didn't she deserve it?

"What I am about to tell you will be painful," she warned before clenching her fists together. "I owe you the full story, though."

"Please, Kikyou-sama," she murmured.

"Inuyasha and I were together long ago, you know, and the night of your auction… I had the night off before it so Inuyasha bought me for the night that followed, you know Madame Midoriko was not as strict with the rules as I was so she allowed some men to pay extra to take one of us home for the night. Some preferred it in their own beds, after all… if only I was there that night, if only Inuyasha had not paid for me on _that_ night then Onigumo would have bought me most likely instead of you. He would have never seen you, he would have never... I am sorry, after you told me about that night Inuyasha and I stopped seeing each other. I've been trying for all this time to make up that one mistake to you. I am so sorry, Kagome-chan."

Oh… she couldn't think straight, she just stared… Inuyasha had done the same thing with Kikyou that he had with her. Why did that burn more than the rest of the story? What was done was done; she couldn't blame Kikyou for something that Naraku had done. It made sense; perhaps Inuyasha even knew all this? Perhaps he blamed himself even more and that is why he couldn't take it anymore and went so far? One thing came to mind above all else, "Kikyou-sama… if you do not mind, you had two nights with Inuyasha, did you not? What did you two do…?"

"Kagome-chan," she hummed with a slight smile, "please, do not fret. It was the past, that is all, you are his _wife_ now, you are the woman he loves."

Yet, he still loved her, Kagome always knew that. "Please, Kikyou-sama."

Her smile weakened and she glanced away but she answered all the same, "we came here… as you might have already guessed."

The woman he wanted to marry from before, the one Sesshomaru had mentioned, ah… that made sense, so she lightly nodded and glanced out the window just in time to see a familiar figure fade but one that she wasn't too certain she actually recognized. Never mind that, "why is it that I am here now and you are not?"

"Because, Kagome-chan, you are braver than I. I never thought it was possible for our worlds to collide like you two have done," she took her final sip of tea, "I am so happy for you two."

"Kikyou-sama, you and Suikotsu-san must stay with me, we have an extra room and like I have mentioned Inuyasha-san is away. It is lonely in that house all by myself," she pouted with an adorable tilted of her head.

"Kagome-chan, that is sweet of you but I cannot, you see… It is best that the Tsukinos do not know we associate. They… figured out about my profession," she hinted with a nod, "and we cannot allow them to figure out about your past duties to the Shikon, either."

"Oh," she awed, "I see."

"Suikotsu-san must be done now, how about we go see him?" Kikyou requested as she stood up, "I am so glad to hear all is fine, Kagome-chan."

If only, if only they knew they had been seen. If only, if only they knew what was to come…

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o **x **o** x | }

"Inuyasha-san!" I called out as I threw my hands up in the air and ran down the stairs, "I have missed you so much!"

"Kagome," he grinned widely back as I—rather childishly—threw myself at him to wrap my arms around his neck to kiss his forehead, "I've missed ya' too. Settle down."

"I'm sorry," I murmured half heartily as I pulled away but his grip pulled me back, "guess what?"

"We can have that long_, _long_, long,_ awaited first night as husband and wife? And start now?" he would say something like that with such a smirk, how perverse, too, it's not even evening yet. "And go until mourning, too?"

"Inuyasha-san," I laughed lightly only to feel him squeeze, oh, that's right, "Inuyasha," I corrected myself. "No, that's not what I was originally thinking."

"That's too bad because that's _all_ I've been thinking about the past seven days," he devilishly coaxed as he started to kiss my ears, gosh, he knows how to make a girl's head turn. What was I going to say? I was going to say something… something…

He pushed me up against the railing of the stairs as his lips trailed from my ears to my lips, I don't care what I was going to say anymore so I closed my eyes and pried his lips apart so our tongues could mingle. It had been too long. His hands gripped at my thigh to pin my legs opened while he pushed my dress' skirt up. He took no time in discarding my knickers and I took even less to unbuckle his belt and pry open his pants.

"Inuyasha," I mumbled the first time we parted for air.

"Gods, I've been waiting too long for this," he grunted as he propped me up some so he could get at the proper angle to situate himself. Too many weeks—months, even—had gone by without intimacy from the man I love. And now there was really nothing wrong with what we were doing... because we _were_ finally husband and wife. I was Tsukino Kagome, he was Tsukino Inuyasha.

Then we united and I gasped some, he was gentle as he began to rock to find our rhythm. It felt so good that I barely noticed the pock of the stairs railing nudge my back with each of his thrusts. I made no point in hiding how I felt, to try and muffle my moans, as I tightened my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine.

I love Inuyasha-san.

He held me closer as the knot of need grew at the pit of my stomach. I enclosed my legs around his to help push him deeper and he grunted a moan. Right before… I think that my aid might have helped him lose his uneven footing upon the stairs which caused us both to slip and collide with them.

Oh, how that hurt but I just laughed lightly instead. How embarrassing, "Inuyasha, are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he muttered as his hands wandered about me before he kissed my neck, "are you?"

"Fine." Life, who could predict it?

"We're not done," he whispered upon my skin, sending vibrated, warm, shivers along it as he moved me from lying against the stairs with my back to it. I knew where this was going, so I rested my hands upon the stairs closet to me and my knees on a few down just before he entered.

I'm sure I'd have a few bruises tomorrow but I'm just as certain I didn't care as we found our rhythm again. We were already riled up from the time before, at least I very much was, so it only took half the time it usually would before the suffocating sensation took me over…

Believe me, he wasn't joking when he said he wanted to keep this up all night.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Light flickered in from the half covered window as she finally managed to will herself to stay awake. With a small sigh she sat up, pulling some of the sheets to cover her chest in the process. It took little time for her to realize where she was and what had occurred the night before, she had to bite back a smile before she turned slightly to look at the sleeping man beside her. The sheets only covered him here and there; for the most part he kicked them off throughout the night. It was an annoying habit but she could live with it, after all she loved to hog them and if he didn't want them then it was rather perfect.

How long had she just sat there looking down at her love? She wasn't sure but eventually he stirred and let his eyes sputter open, a smile quickly followed, "now that's a sight I can live with seeing every morning."

"Inuyasha," she giggled.

"The sheets must go, though," he insisted as he tugged on them but she just wrapped her other arm around them to keep them there, "what? It's nothing I haven't seen."

"Where are your manners?" She taunted, "oh, that is right, you haven't any."

"Oh, haha," he grumbled, "you've been spending too much time with Shiori."

She pouted with a tilt of her head before she bent down to kiss his lips ever so gently, which he had been waiting for so he could pull her into an embrace and flip her onto her back and him on top. That was when he was able to finally pull the sheets down to only her stomach and his lips could migrate down to her breasts.

"Inuyasha," she moaned as her hands found the one thing that made him always shiver with delight—his ears. She began to massage them until he couldn't remember what he was trying to do, that was when she was able to grip his hips and flip him onto _his_ back so _she_ could be on top. "I love you, please don't go away for that long again."

"If I ever need to I will take you with me, I promise," he grinned as he rested his hands upon her hips, "do you want to try the top? You usually—"

"Inuyasha!" She gasped as she slapped his chest and grabbed the sheets for her dignity's sake.

"What?" he shrugged.

She just shook her head, "I remember what I meant to tell you."

"What are you talking about?"

Of course he wasn't listening to her before, she rolled her eyes before sighing, "Kikyou-sama is in town."

"She is?" He sped as he sat up, letting her fall down into his lap in the processes, "really? Why?"

It killed her a little to see how excited that made him, she had to hold back a frown, "that letter you mailed her… I didn't mean for to send it actually. I just ranted about all my problems about…" she shrugged slightly, she couldn't say his name but Inuyasha still knew what she was getting at, "and she worried so she came all this way to make sure I was fine."

"Oh," he glanced away for a small bit until he pulled her to him to bury his face into his sweetly scented hair, "you can't let anyone see you with her. They all know she's—"

"She told me, it's OK, no one saw us together," Kagome replied as she hugged him back. "She... she told me all about... Naraku..."

"Ah, yeah, he... was one of her clients back before she was a Madame," he muttered, "asshole. I'm glad he's dead."

She couldn't see him looking away so longingly. She _had_ to say it, she had to drag it out, she just had to… "Suikotsu-san, her fiancé, is a very nice man. I met him. He's a doctor in France and has some family in town. There are seven of them, what a large family, hm? And he is quite handsome."

"Fiancé?"

"Mmhm, he proposed just the other week, isn't that sweet? He—"

"I don't want to hear about it," that gave her another pang of pain, was that jealousy she heard in his voice?

A part of his heart would always belong to another… but most of it belonged to her, right? So she could deal with that. _She _was his wife now. That's all that mattered…

But how long could that really last?

* * *

**A/N:** I can already tell that I'll probably get a few reviewers who are upset that I didn't write about the wedding but... it's just a wedding. I'm not a big wedding fan _but_ if enough people want it I'll have a few flashes back to the ceremony and reception and etc. But only if people want it, otherwise I will not bother.

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed, and please review.


	21. Migrate

**| { Confound: Chapter 21 } |**

**||.Migrate.||**

"Hello, Shiori-sama," I greeted joyfully after one of her servants let me into their wonderful estate. She had been kinder to me since I became her daughter-in-law, I don't want to be naïve or anything like that but I think that she was glad to finally have another female in the family. I've never had a mother, so I don't know what it's like; I wonder if it would be anything like what Shiori-sama and I have now. My mother passed before I could even learn her face, her voice, anything about her.

My father told me a few times that she was a wonderful, sweet, woman that adored me and… Souta, I didn't think about him often because it hurt the most. My little brother that had disappeared long ago, sold perhaps by my father. Gods, I can't imagine what or who would buy a little boy. I don't want to think about it. I just buried that deep, deep within me. I never thought of it.

I had to shake my head to remind myself just that.

"Sit," Shiori-sama ordered, her hand motioned delicately for me to take the seat that was right in front of her. Right away, any good cheer that I had built up from the days that went by when Inuyasha-san refused to leave the house for any reason or allow me to… still, thinking about that brought a smile to my face. It only lasted a week before Tsukino-sama demanded his son stop being lazy. With my aid, Inuyasha-san finally returned to work.

Anyway, Shiori-sama's stare was cold, absent, and… fierce, like something I'd only ever seen from Sesshomaru-sama—but I suppose he had to pick it up from somewhere, huh?

"Tell me, what is your name?"

Oh, no, I couldn't find my voice for a bit, what was she looking for? It took some time, some breaths, some will power, but I managed to reply, "Tsukino Kagome…?"

"Wrong answer, a Watanabe Kagome married Tsukino Inuyasha _yet_," she drew out before she clasped her hands together tightly and snorted, "a Watanabe Kagome never existed, did she? And since you married my son under false pretense you are not his real wife."

What…? I couldn't… did she? Wait, wait, I wanted to protest, I wanted to argue but… "why…?"

"I saw you the other day," she stated stiffly before she turned her head away so she could stare out the window. Her profile was so starch, so strong, "with that _woman_," so much spite was in her voice, "the one that Inuyasha brought around a few years back. It made me wonder… and then I sent out another P.I. It would seem somehow the last one we used got _all_ the facts wrong about you. Kagome," she snapped her head back forward to stare right through my soul, "who hasn't a last name. Kagome of the Shikon, a _brothel_ house in Kyoto. Kagome, the whore."

It had never hurt me so much to hear that word spat at me.

"Don't try to insult my intelligence by telling me Inuyasha did not know this, I am sure he…" she shook her head lightly, "I hope you know what type of awful situation the two of you have put my family in."

She snapped up and started to walk about the room, her hands fiddling, though she appeared so stoic she was in turmoil. I never meant for that. I wanted to apologize but couldn't find the strength.

"First," she scoffed, it took a great deal of squinting effort on my part but I could see that she was blinking away tears, "first, I have to deal with," how strong Shiori-sama was but she still struggled to talk, "Inutaisho-san's infidelity with that whore. I knew his trips to Tokyo lasted longer than needed then he just stopped coming back at all for an entire year." She shook her head and turned her back to me, "then he came back with _him_ and told me he'd be part of _my_ family. I had to endure that. I had took him in, I… raised him as if it was mine. Yet he isn't and never will be."

Inuyasha… I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for either of them. For Inuyasha-san to have to be raised by a woman that tried her best to raise and care for the bastard child of her husband's affair but a woman that could never love him. For Shiori-sama to have a reminder of the other woman about at all times.

I can't imagine. She is a stronger woman that I, I could never have done what she did. Not even for Inuyasha-san.

"Now?" She choked, "now he will ruin the Tsukino name with his selfishness? How dare he…"

Somehow, I ended up mad with Inuyasha-san instead of worried about the future as Shiori-sama fell to her knees to let the tears drape down her face.

"If… I discovered this," Shiori-sama began in-between sobs, "then others will. The Tsukino name is doomed…"

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"_Would it help if I left?_" Kagome had inquired to Shiori, she was more than happy to do so, to help protect the Tsukino name and to keep Shiori from crying like that again. Shiori had a plan set up, the only way to save the Tsukino name, to keep anyone from finding out what she had, was not for Kagome to _leave_ to abandon her step-son, that would only bring up more questions. That would only ensure that Kagome's secret would be found out.

She had to die.

It would be a sad event that no one would dare pry into if Inuyasha's wife grew ill and passed away shortly after their marriage. That would neither reflect poorly on the Tsukino family nor Kagome, it would just be taken as a tragic event, something that simply happened. Of course, that did not mean she actually had to _die_, on the contrary, Shiori would pay her to relocate to a small village all the way on the opposite side of the country on Hokkaido island, Otaru. All would be told that she was taken to a specialized hospital for her illness in Tokyo, a place that was too big to verify the truth of the statement, and after a few months they would announce she had passed on. It would be sad, all would wish the family the best, and they'd even have to fake a funeral eventually but the Tsukino name would be held high, still.

It hurt; it killed her to think she must but… she _had_ to. Shiori's only problem with her well laid plan was… how to talk Inuyasha into agreeing to it. It was far too obvious that he didn't care for the Tsukino name, that he would let it burn to do as he wished—after all, he _had_ killed a man without a thought to what that would do to their family's image.

"Do not worry, I will deal with Inuyasha-san," Kagome had told her. It seemed for a moment Shiori contemplated thanking Kagome but thought better of it. As long as Kagome could convince Inuyasha, then Shiori would be able to persuade Inutaisho who she had yet to tell the situation to. For his name, though, she knew he would agree with her. After all, he might have constantly bedded with the same whore but he never left his family and never _married_ her.

That night, Kagome left the Tsukino's family home for the last time with a heavy heart. At least, she had some time to pretend to be another woman, a happier woman, Inuyasha's wife.

But there would be no more of that...

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

_Inuyasha-san, do you love me?_

_Will you prove that to me? I love you. I do, with all my heart. I will cherish all my memories of our time together. I will love no other man; I will know no other man's touch until the day I die. That is how I will prove to you my love. I promise that, have faith in me. I will have faith in you, that you will do this one thing for me. You will. Won't you?_

_I admire and adore Shiori-sama. I respect Tsukino-sama and even Sesshomaru-sama, I do not want them hurt by me. I do care for the Tsukino name, even if I am not legally a Tsukino I feel it is my duty to protect it. This is how I will, by leaving. Listen to what Shiori-sama has to say about all of this. She is right, please understand that._

_You are a Tsukino. You should want what is best for the family name. This is what is best for everyone. I never thought this lovely life would last forever. I am happy for the time we had. You should be to, please do not have any regrets about all of this. I do not want you to stop living; I want you to marry again to some fabulous __woman from a well off family. I want you to have a lot of children like I know you truly want. _

_I want you to find happiness again and I will, too._

_Life will go on._

_Please, never think I left because of anything you did, that I did not love you enough, that I wanted to be away. It was not you, Inuyasha-san. Let's make a promise, please? Let's swear to meet again in another life, in one we can be together in. In our next life we will be born of the same class, in our next life we will be able to love each other freely. I believe that. I will look forward to that, Inuyasha-san. This life was just not meant for us._

_Forever yours,  
Kagome_

_P.S. I will pray each night to meet you in another life. Will you do the same?_

My hand trembled as I set the pen down; my other covered my mouth as the sobs began. Hot dribbles of tear swept down. Am I pathetic for not being able to tell Inuyasha-san all of this in person? I can't, I would never have that sort of strength. You see, I am weak; I am not like Shiori-sama.

I am doing the right thing.

I am; I have to be. I hope that my words are true. I will pray to meet Inuyasha-san in another life where we can be together. I will dream of that time, I will wish for nothing more for the rest of my life but that. I needn't bother with such thoughts right now, instead I gasped for air as I steadied my hands to fold the letter and put it in the envelope. It took more effort than I thought it would but I was able to write down Inuyasha-san's address on the front. I kissed it once, holding it to my heart briefly, before I dropped it into the mailbox right as a train's horn went off.

How many times will I have to start over in a new life? I couldn't help but ponder as I picked up my single suitcase to head out towards my train. A pleasant man hopped out of it to help me with my bag and to lead me to my seat.

I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye to you in person, Inuyasha-san. It would have been too hard for the both of us. I couldn't help but wave out to the station as the train pulled away, a sad yet sincere smile upon my lips, a single tear trailed down my cheeks.

Farwell, my fleeting fairytale of a life.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

_Kagome,_

_I understand. _

_Sincerely,  
Toashi Inuyasha_

_P.S. Let's met in that next life. Until then, goodbye.  
_

It was short simple and straight to the point like Inuyasha always was. Honestly, she was a bit surprised that he replied at all. It was in his handwriting though, so she knew they were truly his words. He sent it to the hotel that she stayed at briefly in Tokyo before she got on another train to go to the end of Honshu then get on a boat to go to Hokkaido then another train to Otaru. Shiori had wired money there and set up a small yet quaint place for her to stay. It was rather perfect, a traditional town. She was never too partial towards the western style so she was more than happy to return to the Japanese way of doing things. To discard dresses for a simple yukata.

The snow poured in right as winter began so hard that it was difficult for her to run any errands. She was not too accustomed to such a harsh climate but with the help of her new friends—yes, she made friends and she even enjoyed living in Otaru. She was… free. More so than ever before in her life because she did not have to pretend to be anyone she wasn't. She got to learn how to be _her_, how to be _Kagome_. She did not have to be Kaoru, she did not have to ever bother with another sexual encounter, she did not have to take care of her little brother or father, and she did not have to pretend to be the high-classed Watanabe Kagome.

Life in Otaru was brilliant and she wouldn't trade it for the world—well, for most things.

_Dear Kagome-chan,_

_I'm sorry to hear of your troubles. I am so sorry, I know you said not to blame myself but if Inuyasha's step-mother had not ever seen us together you would not have had to leave. I am still happy to receive all your letters; it is nice to know you finally found a place that you can call home. I am glad you enjoy your new job, too. You can hold your head high, Kagome-chan, you are making your way through this world. You are stronger than you think and you have a good heart, do not allow anyone to tell you otherwise. _

_Suikotsu-san and I married last week. If all goes well we are thinking about adopting a child from the local orphanage, I volunteer there four times a week since Suikotsu-san makes enough money that he does not want me to bother with actual work. An infant was just dropped off; she is the most precious little child. No one saw who left her and she is only a few weeks old, I have grown so found of her. She was nameless, so I gave her one. I hope you do not mind, but I named her Kagome. She had the most beautiful chestnut eyes, they reminded me of you._

_The more I talk about her to Suikotsu-san the more he seems keen of the idea. Enclosed in this envelope should be a few photos of the wedding and one of little Kagome. If you ever go to a studio with a camera will you send me a photo? I would like a keepsake. _

_Adieu,  
Akimoto Kikyou_

{ | x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x **o** x** o** x **o** x **o** x | }

"Kagome-chan!" The boastful voice I learned to look forward to beckon me downstairs like every morning.

"Myoga-san," I greeted the old man with a funny beard as soon as I saw him, "good morning, I will start to set up the shop."

"Thank you," Myoga-san smiled with a nod of his head. I originally had a very nice little home on the other side of Otaru but… Shiori-sama paid for it and she kept wiring me money so I had it sold and the money returned to her. I had gotten a job at Myoga's restaurant and now I work there Monday through Saturday from opening to close, for that I was paid well and given a pleasant little room to myself on the top floor of the establishment—it was the only room on that floor, so I have more than enough privacy.

"Kagome-chan," one of the regulars gleamed to me as I handed him tea, "you look lovely this morning."

"Why thank you, Yamimoto-san, I am just happy to see that spring is around the corner," I replied with my usual cheer, "will you have your customary meal?"

"Yes," he smiled back.

Everyone was so kind to me, I loved Otaru. I was so very, very far away from Kyoto, from Osaka, that no one would ever find me out here. After the initial bombard of questions when I first arrived no one has bothered me since, I have become an active part of the community. I've never felt like this. I have never felt like I truly fit in anywhere. When I was with Inuyasha-san I had to pretend to be someone I was not, someone I will never be, I had to act as if I belonged in the high society…

Inuyasha-san, I miss him each day but I haven't cried in months. I just keep praying to meet him in that next life, I believe that it will occur. So, I smile on as I go through the motions of the day. Actually, I don't have to will myself to do this job, I want to, I enjoy it, I laugh with the customers, I talk with them, I respect them.

"Yuka-chan!" I laughed lightly as I walked over to greet Myoga's daughter who happened to be the same age as me.

"Kagome-chan," she hugged me briefly before pulling away and placing her hand on her growing belly, "how are you? I hope that you are managing here just fine without me. After—"

"Oh, please," I shook my head with a smile, "do not worry about me. You should just focus on you, Yuka-cha, look how you have grown! Toya-san must be so happy."

"He is, he thinks it will be a boy but I think it will be a girl," she really did glow. I was a bit jealous of Yuka-san, here she was starting a new family…

But, I had started a new life. I was happy with it.

I will just continue to yearn for the next eagerly.


	22. Makki

**| { Confound: Chapter 22 } |**

**||.Makki.||**

Sapporo is the main city on Hokkaido and only a few hours train ride from Otaru. I've heard from everyone that it is a splendid city and if you live on Hokkaido you must visit there at least once but I never found the time nor the intention of doing so until one day Myoga-san came to me with a personal dilemma. Dear Myoga-san was quiet old and his health was iffy at best but he had business to tend to in Sapporo. Yuka-chan did not feel it was a wise idea for him to go so she offered Toya-san to go in her father's place but he refused to leave his expecting wife alone. What if something happened while I am away? He questioned each time Yuka-chan said it would be fine.

I volunteered to help; they had been so kind to me, after all. It was the least I could do. Both Yuka-chan and Myoga-san did nothing but ask if I was sure about that, if it would truly be alright. Of course it would, I always replied until Myoga-san gave in, which meant Yuka-chan had to do the same.

Myoga-san even—against my will—paid for a nice hotel for me to stay at while I was here. He encouraged me to take some time and explore the city, to have a vacation since I've never taken a day off since I began to work for him almost a year ago now. He was too kind of a man but I agreed just… for a break. I suppose. It didn't take any time to run his errand. It was sort of nice to be in a large city again, I had never lived anywhere but that type of place. Otaru has been a complete change to me but one I enjoyed. One I accepted fully.

Still, it took me only two days to see all the designated 'sight-seeing' places of Sapporo and Myoga-san told me to take an _entire_ week and that he'd be ever so upset with me if I returned earlier. I didn't want that but… I hadn't anything to do. When I was in Otaru I was surrounded by people that I knew, that knew me, that could keep my mind off of the fact that I was really alone. Now, that was all I could think. I was just a tourist in Sapporo, just a single tourist… that missed Inuyasha-san dearly.

I treated myself to a nice dinner at a rather prestigious restaurant to try and get my mind off of that fact. I actually had plenty of money to spend while I was here, since I never really spent a yen. I was able to eat the food from Myoga-san's restaurant and after I bought my initial set of simple yukatas I needn't bother with doing that again.

"Pardon me, child," a coughing man called for my attention after I was finished and had paid. He was an elderly fellow, probably more so than Myoga-san, so I smiled to him and asked what I could do for him. "You are the spitting image of my daughter when she was young."

I didn't know what to say to that so I just kept smiling. I suppose that's a compliment, hm?

"Tell me, if you do not mind, what is your name?" His dull old orbs scanned about me, all of me, before I found my voice once more.

"Kagome."

And just like that, the world seemed to brighten up as a smile cascaded across his lips, "Higurashi? Higurashi Kagome?"

My smile faltered, how did…? "I'm sorry, but… how did you know that?" _When_ was the last time I had actually been called hat? When was the last time I had told a soul that? Not even Shiori-sama's sure-to-be fine P.I. had discovered that about me, or else I am positive she would have mentioned that instead of say I hadn't a last name. I did, everyone does, just not everyone knows. I had almost forgotten that name until I moved to Otaru and choice to change my last name to Hagurishi, something very akin to it.

"Truly?" he awed, if I'm not mistaken it seemed tears were forming in his eyes, "truly? You are Higurashi Kagome? Was your father's name Kichirou?"

I took a small half-step away from the man that needed a cane to stand, "how did you…?"

"Ojii-san!" Someone shouted from a distance, I barely heard it but it made the old man's head turn.

"I suppose we will find out if you are speaking the truth," he told me before he lifted his cane in the air, "Souta! Come here boy!"

My heart stopped as I turned to see the… wrongly tall boy coming from the second floor of the restaurant to head over to the bent old man, a smile etched deep into his face. Souta… my knees gave way as I cupped my hand over my mouth. My little brother, my deepest regret, he looked so handsome now, so healthy, so tall… my little brother was not so small anymore.

"Ojii-san," he began as soon as he made it to the old man's side, then his expression went blank as he looked down to see me. His alike eyes widened as he dropped to his knees to place his hands on my shoulders, "onee-chan!"

"Onii-san," I whispered while I shakily took my hand from my face to place it on his, "is that really you?"

"Onii-san?" He laughed, "why so formal, onee-chan?"

"She is really your sister, Souta?"

"Yes, ojii-san," he turned only a bit to look up at the man, "onee-chan, I have been worried about you. We have been looking for you all these years and we find you here?" He laughed lightly, "this must be fate, onee-chan."

Fate… how kind you can be when you wish to be.

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

Souta had been sold to a factory by their father shortly after he sold Kagome to the former Madame of the Shikon. Luckily, though, Souta was traded by that factory owner to his brother's shop up in Sapporo. It only took a year before he ran into their grandfather who quickly released him from that way of life, without even having to pay a single yen because… the Higurashi family was well respected, one of the most ancient and well-off in all of Hokkaido.

No one dared cross them yet no amount of money could find his granddaughter that he so desperately wished to see again. He adored his daughter but she had let her heart get the best of her and ran off with Kichirou, a man he would never allow her to marry. He was but a commoner and one with rumored problems, but she loved him dearly and eloped with him to Honshu. It took him many years to finally find his daughter once more in Kyoto, where she already had two children.

All his ill feelings towards her faded when he met the grandchildren that could carry on the family's name. He had to leave for a year back to Sapporo after he convinced his daughter to return there, thinking all would end well. To his dismay, she never came, when he sent someone to check on why he found… that his daughter had passed from an illness and that bastard of a man had taken his grandchildren. It took him more time to find where Kichirou had gone but by then he had sold Kagome and Souta to cover his debt.

All his hope seemed to be lost until the day he ran into a young boy not much older than thirteen and even though he hadn't seen Souta since he was three years of age something beckoned him to look into the child's history. The child had the eyes of his daughter, and after he verified that Souta was in fact his grandchild he swooped him out of that life and gave him everything a Higurashi deserved. He sent the boy through school, he taught him what he would need to know when time came for Souta to take over as head of the family.

Yet, there was always a gap, always an unspoken sorrow between the two. Never did they stop searching for Kagome but once they finally found that she had—to their horror—been sold to a brothel house it took another year to figure out _which_ in Kyoto she was sent to. Fate seemed to be against them, though, because by the time they narrowed it down to the Shikon she had been sold to somewhere they could not find. They had almost lost all their optimism…

And now there she was, in their family home _finally_.

{ | x** o** x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x| }

Tears trailed down my cheeks, I hadn't known that my mother's side of the family was looking for me so desperately. I cannot tell you how relieved I was to find that no harm ever came to my little brother, that he had such a happy life for the past twelve years.

"You will never have to endure another hardship, my child," my _ojii-san_ assured me with his sweet smile, "I will take care of you. Tell me what you have been up to lately."

"Yes, onee-chan," my little onii-kun beckoned as he eagerly jumped about while he sat beside me.

So… I did. I told them only briefly of my time at the Shikon, focusing mostly on Kikyou-sama and how she named her little adopted daughter after me—how honored I was for that. Then I debated if I should tell them of Inuyasha-san but… I did, it spilled out of me, all of it. I never knew that actually talk about it aloud could lift such a weight from my shoulders. I told them even how we had promised to meet in another life. Then I told them of Otaru, of Myoga-san and Yuka-chan and everything else I could think of. By the time we had finished rekindling our lost ties it was almost dawn, my little onii-kun had long ago given up on sitting up straight and leaned his head against my shoulder. I couldn't be happier.

"The Tsukino family," ojii-san mused, "I know Tsukino Inutaisho vaguely."

"He is a very honorable man," I replied.

"Yes," ojii-san crackled some as he stood up, "go to bed, a room has been prepared for you."

"Thank you, ojii-san," I smiled with a light bow of my head.

"I am just glad to finally have to return to us."

I returned to Otaru not too long after my reunion with my ojii-san and onii-kun. Myoga-san was overly delighted for me along with Yuka-chan and—though Myoga-san refused for almost a three days—my ojii-san is a very determined man and paid them a great deal of money to show how grateful he was for them taking me in like they did. It saddened me to leave Otaru but I wanted nothing more in the world than to stay with my family, to be close to them. I could also still visit all my friends in Otaru whenever I desired since Sapporo was not far away from my _new_ home.

I do think that I was freer in Otaru, that I could be who I really wanted there, but I was more than happy to learn the ways of the Higurashi family and become a respectable woman—though, ojii-san assured me over and over again I could act however I want, that I could do whatever my heart desired as long as it kept me near him. I love my ojii-san.

Nothing made me happier, though, than to stay close to my onii-kun or have to him show me all about the family's estate or have him 'teach' me things he had to learned in school. He was so joyful that it brightened my heart and… is it wrong that I no longer eagerly awaited the next life? That I ceased to think of Inuyasha-san as much, that I started to live in the _now_ with my family and began to let old memories fade?

A year flew by before I felt as if we had never been separated, that we had always been such a tightly knit family. Which meant… it had been over two years now since I had last seen Inuyasha-san. I wonder how he is doing, if he had married, if he had any children, if all the Tsukinos were happy now… I hope he treated Shiori-sama better, I hope he didn't hold what happened against her, I hope…

"Sweetheart," my ojii-san beckoned right after I had gotten dressed in my usual yukata, "please come down here!"

"Yes, ojii-san!" I shouted back to him before I exited my room and headed towards the stairs.

Then the air froze, the room spun and blurred… I lifted my hand to my mouth as I gripped the railing, could it really be?

"Kagome," Inuyasha-san sighed with a weak smile as he looked up at me from the bottom of the stairs, my ojii-san right by his side before he nodded to me and headed out of the room. "It's been a while, huh?"

I couldn't do anything but nod once.

He began up the stairs slowly until he was only a few steps below me, was this really happening? Was he really here? Right in front of me reaching out to cup my cheek?

"What are you doing here?" I finally questioned as I let my hand slide down to my neck.

His smile flickered almost to the point of it disappearing, "that next life came sooner than we could have hoped."

"What…?" I murmured.

"You are a Higurashi," he stated, "we're of the same class now, we can love each other freely, you said once we can do that we can be together again, didn't you?"

I… suppose I did say that, didn't I? I suppose that is all true now, isn't it? "Inuyasha-san… how did you find out?"

Finally, his smile vanished, "your grandfather recently sent my family thanks for taking care of you. Once Shiori found out that you are a Higurashi she told my father to talk to your grandfather about us marrying. Hasn't he told you that my father and him have been going back and forth with proposals for over two months now?"

"They have?"

He frowned, "yes… Kagome, your grandfather has finally given in. We're to be married, again."

"We are?"

"Do you not want that?" He retracted his hand, "have you moved on? Is there someone else?"

I had never seen such an expression on Inuyasha-san's face, such disappointment, such direr need, it made my brows bow and a pout surface, "of course not, Inuyasha-san. I told you I would not know another man's touch."

"Then... what? Why are you not happy to hear this?"

"I'm surprised," I countered quickly, "not unhappy, just… I didn't know."

"So," he dragged out as he placed his hand upon mine that was on the railing, "you want this, right?"

"Did you never remarry?" I sped, "did you not—?"

"Of course I didn't, it was ridiculous of you to think I would," he growled, "it killed me to read that letter. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to any of that at all but you had already left and no one would tell me where you had gone! It took all my will power to give in to what you asked me. I honestly don't give a shit about the Tsukino name—"

"I know," I sighed, "that's why I had to do what I did."

"Yeah," he scoffed before grasping my hand and pulling me into an embrace, it was awkward with the stance we were on the stairs but it was not unwelcomed. "I'll never forgive you if you leave me this time."

"Inuyasha-san," I mumbled before I kissed his neck, he froze right away before pulling me away so our lips could meet briefly, "I never left you."

He opened his mouth to protest, I'm sure, before my little onii-kun called out from the bottom of the stares, his usual joy in his tone, "you are my future brother-in-law!? I've never had a brother!"

He cringed but I laughed and wiggled my way out of his grasp to walk down the stairs and pat my little onii-kun on the back, "would you like to get acquainted to Inuyasha-san?"

"Yes! Ojii-san just told me you two are going to get married, I'm so happy for you, onee-chan," he gleamed.

"I am going to go talk to ojii-san. Be nice to Souta-kun, Inuyasha-san," I requested, leaving him stunned on the stairs.

It wasn't hard to find ojii-san; there was this tree in the middle of our estate hidden away in the garden my grandmother and mother had planted long ago. He always wondered here, I had grown fond of coming out there to sit under it, the Goshinboku tree--it had been on our family's property as far back as my ojii-san could trace. Ojii-san loved to tell me stories here, apparently there were quite a few legends about it and pretty much _anything_ else that my ojii-san laid his eyes on.

"Ojii-san," I whispered.

"Ah, Kagome-chan, come here," he asked with a wave of his crinkled hand, "do not worry, I have reserved the right to cancel the marriage if you decide you do not want to give Inuyasha-san another chance."

"Ojii-san," I mumbled as I rested upon one of the many roots that stuck out of the ground, "why did you not tell me you were arranging this?"

"I wanted to surprise you. Do you want to marry Inuyasha-san?"

"How can I?" I shook my head ever so slightly, "how can we return to Osaka when everyone will recognize me as—?"

"Kagome-chan, I would never let you go that far from me," Ojii-san assured, "I have made arrangements with Inutaisho-san already. Tsukino would like to spread their company into Hokkaido; I have agreed to help with my influence as long as Inuyasha-san moves to Sapporo. That way you two may wed, no one will know that you were his last wife, and I will not have to part with my most precious granddaughter. I do not think Souta would have dealt well with the prospect of losing his onee-chan once more, either."

"Oh, Ojii-san," I couldn't help but hug him, "you are very clever."

"Of course, child, where do you think you get it from?" He chuckled lightly as he held me back, "I am happy to see that all of your qualities come from my side of the family. I cannot see a bit of your father in you. You have your mother's heart, my intellect, and so much more."

"I love you, Ojii-san," I boasted before I gave him a quick kiss on the head.

I have the world's greatest family, what more can be said?

{ | **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** | }

"Inuyasha-san!"Kagome laughed as she pushed him away ever so gently, "settle down."

"Why?" he retorted quickly before letting his lips go wild against her neck, "it's kind of like déjà vu to be back on a futon and doing this, huh?"

"Inuyasha-san," she bickered before finally getting him to slow down, and sit up beside her. His kariginu top had long ago been parted and was almost falling completely off him, he had just barely began to release his new wife—or wife again—from her shiromuku when she began to pester him, "you are too eager."

"I am too eager?" he awed, "how can you say that? It's been well over two years since we've last been in a position to do this and we are married—_actually _this time. What's to stop us? Not to mention it _is_ our wedding night. Do you know how hard it was for me to hold back all this time?"

She just rolled her eyes at that, "you are a strange man, Inuyasha—"

"If you add 'san' to my name one more time, woman, I'll—"

"What?" She grinned as she raised her hand up to cup her husband's face, "what will you do, Inuyasha-_san_?"

"I warned you," he smirked back before pulling her hand from his cheek to kiss it, "you look beautiful in the shiromuku. How many people can say they've been married twice? One was western styled and the other a traditional Japanese ceremony."

"I couldn't tell you," she smiled back at him, "be gentle, Inuyasha-_san_, and do not ruin the shiromuku. It's a family heirloom."

"Ah, that's why," he hadn't expected her to stop him in the least bit as soon as they got to the small home out in the countryside that they'd get to spend a week alone together in. Now that he knew the shiromuku meant something to her he could understand, so with tender care he began to remove the white fabric piece by piece until there was nothing but her undergarment. "Does this matter?" He whispered with warm breath against her bare shoulder.

"No," she turned her head away to allow him more access. She opened her legs to wrap them around his, her arms about his neck, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," he sighed back before letting their lips meet, their fingers laced together on only one hand while her free one removed the only bit of clothes left on Inuyasha and his parted her undergarment fully, though he didn't let his lips leave hers yet. It had been far too long.

"I love you," he murmured when they finally parted for air.

She knew, and he knew her reply, "Inuyasha… show me that you do."

So he did, through merging, moans, and an unified heartbeat.

{ | x** o** x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x** o **x| }

"You kept this?" Inuyasha-san mused as he flipped the small letter about in his hand, his cheek resting peaceful on my bare back.

"Always," I whispered back, "with me, it's very short and you signed it Toashi. Why?"

"I didn't know what to say... and if I signed it Tsukino I felt like it would be truly official that we would never meet again... I didn't want to accept it, any of it, but I had to," he traced designs about my skin before kissing me briefly. "I kept your letter, as well. I read it each night before I went to bed."

I just smiled, what more could be said? What more could I ask for?

Nothing at all, because _finally_ everything was perfect, finally I had the husband I always wanted; finally I had the life I always wanted…

Finally I had reached the stars.

* * *

**Makki: **Last Stage  
**Ojii-san:** Grandpa  
**Onii-kun:** Little Brother  
**Onee-chan**: Older Sisert

**A/N:** Thank you so much for all your reviews! I hope you enjoyed the story, I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm really glad I finished this fanfic. Now I just have to complete a few more fanfics... Anyway, thank you for reading. Enjoy.


	23. Epilogue: Miracle

**| { Confound: Epilogue } |**

**||.Miracle.||**

Oh, gods, it _hurt!_ It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, it hurt! It really, really did! I was dying. Any moment now I would pass out and it would be all over, oh, _gods_, make it stop! I hate this! Just keep breathing got me through so much in the past but this time it might not be enough, it kept getting harder and harder to keep taking deep, labored breaths.

I screamed, who could blame me? It was _agonizing_. I don't think I could say it enough times.

"Tsukino-sama," someone spoke, "you are doing fine."

I want to throw her off a cliff, really. I shrieked again as I tried once more, then again, and again until it _finally_ stopped! I could breath, I fell back into the bed, everything was spinning some but it was finally over. Another cry called out right then to gain my meek attention as I looked down to the bottom of the bed as one of the women walked to the other side of the room as another began to clean and the third and final went to the door to whisper something to whoever was waiting outside.

Time seemed to float by until the woman from the opposite side of the room returned to hand me what had caused me all this hellish pain. It only took one moment of holding my miracle to know it was well worth the nineteen hours of misery. Nineteen ultra long hours… but, no, I'm not going to think about that anymore.

"Hello there," I whispered right as the door opened and Inuyasha-san finally came in. I think he would have been here the entire time if it weren't for the fact that it would be considered inappropriate and Shiori-sama--who came to visit with Inutaisho-san when she heard the news--made him stay away. I would have rather him have been there but oh well.

"What is it?" He inquired in the same hush as he sat down beside me. I didn't bother to look up at him as one of his hands grabbed my shoulder farthest away from him and the other reached out to our little bundle.

"A boy," I smiled, "you have an heir after all."

"Hm," was all he said in reply as he kissed the top of my head and pulled me closer to him, "I love you, Kagome."

"I love you, too." I don't know how it happened, I don't really care, either, all I know is that months back I found out something _wonderful_. I was with child! I was suspicious at first, I was certain for a month that the doctor was wrong, but then… I knew. At first I was worried to tell Inuyasha but then I had to because he'd begun to notice my bump yet only ever asked with his eyes. He was painfully silent before he smiled and told me how great that was. It shouldn't be possible… but it happened, and now I have a child to love and cherish for all my life.

Truly, what more could I ask for?

"What should we name him?" I pondered. His itty-bitty hand grasped one of his father's fingers; it was by far the most precious thing I have ever seen in all my life. I actually 'awed' at it.

"Your choice," he murmured.

"No, you should really pick."

"Why?" He would usually scoff at that point but not right now, all he did was kiss me again, "I don't much care. I'm just glad he's healthy and you're fine, I was worried."

"I told you everything would be fine," that's the first time I bothered to tilt my head so I could see him staring so intently, lovingly, at our child.

"Yeah… you did, maybe I should listen to you more."

"Well, thank you," I snickered ever so slightly, "now, really, Inuyasha, what shall we name him?"

"Truly, _you_ do it. I don't mind, whatever you choose is fine. I'll love him the same."

"It is amazing, isn't it?" I mused as I rearranged him in my arms, "how much you can love someone? Instantly, too. I never knew it was possible."

"Mmhm," he murmured as he pressed his lips to my head again, "I love you two the same, I'll protect you two the same, and I'll never let anything happen to ether of you."

"I believe you," I repeated. "Kei."

"Hm?"

"Kei," that was it, _blessed_, because we were blessed to receive him. "That can be his name, Kei."

"Alright, I like that," he nodded slightly, "Tsukino Kei, perfect."

"Perfect," how true. Everything was perfect, what more could I ask for? I had family, both my own and extended, my ojii-san was still in good health and eager to meet his great-grandchild and my brother was existed to have a nephew around. All was grand, all was perfect. After all, it was a boy, someone to carry on the Tsukino name like everyone had hoped. I even wanted a little boy to take care of, "aren't we lucky?"

He must have known what I meant, "I was hoping for a girl, actually."

"Really?" I gawked as I glanced up at him, "why?"

"I'd like a daughter I could spoil like her mother never let me," he grinned.

He's a sweetie, really, I do adore my husband, "you can spoil your son, too."

"I could," he coaxed, "but spoiled boys are annoying—look a Sesshomaru." Oh, of course he had to throw that jab in, even at the birth of our child. The two hadn't seen in each since Inuyasha-san moved to Sapporo to be with me two years ago yet the intense dislike still lingered. "Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky again, maybe we'll get that little girl."

"Maybe," probably not, but maybe. I never thought I could have _one_ so who's to say that I couldn't have another? It happened, obviously, but only once in a blue moon. You know what strikes me as funny? Inuyasha-san is a product of the same miracle. His mother was a brothel worker, hence why he didn't mind embracing one from the profession so easily, and became with child even after she went through the same medical--if you can really even call it that--procedure I had to. Perhaps it's just a Tsukino trait. "But for now let's just focus on Kei."

"Kei," I think he liked it more and more as he whispered it, "right. I suppose we have to let the grandparents in…"

"I suppose," I'd rather spend forever right here with Inuyasha and our child, he knew that, too, so he didn't move away—I doubt he could even if he really wanted to, our son probably took after his father's stubborn behavior and wouldn't let go.

So, we just sat there in peaceful, thankful, silence awing at our little blessing.

At our miracle.

* * *

**A/N:** OK, now I'm really done with the story for real now. I just really wanted them to have a little baby to complete their family.  
And for those who didn't catch on, Kei is a male boy name meaning _blessing_. I thought that was awfully fitting.

Thank you everyone for reading Confound, thank you to everyone who reviewed. To kagome2 a.k.a me, Sonya Rivers, Diety of Anime, a jezebel social, iraswife1120, Jemzet A Heart Broken Angel, rraayycchh, wreckless angel, Tsumetai-kaze, pixiepuff101, asuyami, Breesasha, HeidiBax, thump, kittykritik, & two of my favorite authors & Say0mi Saki, thank you very much for reviewing regularly and/or all your insightful input.

It's been great. Thank you everyone.


End file.
